jimmers
Proof of what? That what you showed me for the past 4 months was real? I believed that it was. That you were. But now what? Who is this man? In twenty four hours. Where did you go?
I am the mighty one. I am the one who holds the power. The breath of God is in my mouth.
The memories of you. The images of you lying in my bed and looking into my eyes as I run my hand across your forehead and through your hair, are crowding my head. They are deafening. They cripple me. I miss you.
You've placed so many boundaries around us. A barbed wire tangle of conditions and expectations that leave me no room to be me. To be the person you fell in love with.
I have this picture of you. You snapped it on the plane before taking off to New York. You have on my favorite shirt. Flannel, washed well, faded red with a t-shirt underneath. It's spring. Yet you always smell like summer to me. Always. I miss you.
Until I held your hand
Until you put your head on my shoulder
Until you laid back into the palm of my body and I intertwined my legs with yours
Until those moments, only then, when it all came together, did everything I was afraid of, that we were afraid of, disappear.
And my soul bled into yours.
And I let love win.
At what point was that switch, switched? Was it before or after I let down my guard and allowed myself to fall in love with you? Is that when you changed your mind? Is that when you decided that this was going to be too tough to move ahead with? Because now I'm left carrying this torch that lights a path for myself only.
I didn't want to accept the words that came out of your mouth that day. When I told you I loved you. When you told me it would never work. My love for you stepped aside out of my respect for your wishes. I will always love you.
I've become disenfranchised from life these days. The loss of you has separated me from reality. The question is... why? Why does the end of a three week relationship cause me this much distress? Why have I shut down from all the rest that is good?
In my head, I'm walking by the subject so heavy in the air. So heavy on our hearts. It shifts to move in front of me. I walk around it. Trying to get to you. But the obvious is in front of me. It's an obstacle that neither of us can get around. Until you lie in the palm of my body and I wrap my arms around you. Until our legs intertwine and you rest your head back against my shoulder. It's then that I stop walking and allow myself to fall in love with you.
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