chickalugie
I scan the room, I scan my brain. Just for anything intelligent tot say. Its been a stagnant time for thinking. The thoughts don't flow as smooth, the wit, the process, its slower. Its the lack of stimulation. Repetitiveness.. its time to change. To make different.
I have yet to see the mountains, the the sweetness of the sea, the coldest of the icebergs, the falling autumn leaves. There are four walls that I see. And its just so hard to believe, that there is another world, laying just beneath.
The altitude was high. the breath short. The clouds passed above our heads. We smiled at each other... this was paradise.
Theres always just a bunch. Bunch of shit. Bunch of problems. Bunch of issues. If you want to look at it that way...
Because theres also a bunch of love. A bunch of light. A bunch of happiness... everywhere around you. Just depends on the eyes your looking through.
And it was that one moment in time that it all came together. The realization of what it really was.... what it meant. I had witnessed it long ago, a feeling i had felt before. But now the memories swoop through me and leave me bent. I never knew i could love again.
It was the toaster that brought me back to that night. The same one that killed him 3 years ago. I couldn't get rid of it. It was the killer, the only thing I had left of him. The flashback, the way his body just limped there, the grey steel of the toaster reflecting in the light of the bathtub.
I rewrite these passages over and over, trying to find the right thing to say. But what if theres nothing left i can say? What if we reached the epitome of our love? The end. Could it be? I sit here and think the world away. It is only you who makes me feel this way.
I felt submerged in my fears and desires. There was no escape. I ran and hid, and yet there they were, daunting at me. Laughing at me, at my inability to overcome.
Society has dictated the way the majority of people live their lives. They set certain rules and boundaries for themselves and others that make their true self become incognito, and eventually disappear. Imagine if these "trends" and "courteous manners" never influenced you, never directed your way of being. How would you really be?
He was in the side street, overlooking a painting when I saw him years later. He look good. Age had done him wonders. He was a grown man now, I imagined a ring encrusting its place on his finger. Longingly I looked at him and saw the young boy I had first fallen in love with. Bringing back those bitter sweet memories of the man I loved and lost.
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