If i was smarter, if i was prettier, if i was better, if i was more motivated, if my room was clean, if i had friends, if i had better clothes, if i did sports, if i payed attention more, if i had more money, if i could go, if i wanted to, if i needed to,
If, indeed. If maybes and buts were candy and nuts, we’d all have one hell of a Christmas. If I fell in love with you. If ever I would leave you. If only. If maybe.
if only i was eric carle’s butterfly filled with oranges and apples galore, if only i was a somebody with neurons in harmony, if only i made sense and was normal and wasn’t a mess.
If I had one more chance to change what I said, I wouldn’t. I stand by what I said, even though it may have been insensitive and stupid. All I wanted was for you to forgive me, but I think I just ended up making everything worse. I’m sorry I met you, and I’m sorry I lied. If you’re reading this, just know that I’m sorry.
If Carolyn was no longer my friend the void in my life would be tremendous. One of the greatest gifts in life is the gift of friendship. I have been blessed beyond measure to have her as my BFF!
If I had this and if I had that. We will never get to the stage in life where we are satisfied with the space that we share, or the possessions that we acquire. Contentment is not so easy to accept and therefore it is a habit or culture, that we must nature and and embrace.
If i was a bird I could fly anywhere I wanted.
If I was beautiful, I would have friends.
If I was nice, people would like me.
If, if, if.
Alas, I am not.
i were the Queen of England I would let all the girls and boys run riot in the streets for one day of every year. The parents of these wild children will be at the beck and call for every need they have whether it be for a shoe lace that needs to be tied or a private jet to be flown. They are slaves to their children.
“What’ll ye do? If we see her?”
She snorted. “Slim chance of that happenin’, Rikkon me lad. Ain’t a lotta callin’ fer a noble birthed ta step foot on the grubby planks, aye?”
“S’pect not,” he agreed with a shrug. “Still, maybehaps if they knew a certain ship be comin’ inta port…?” he trailed off pointedly, earning a sigh from his captain.
“Expect that’d be more reason ta avoid it, ta be honest,” she said, dipping her chin thoughtfully. “Still, can’t speak fer Lady Fate, can I?”
“If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you…”
“If” by Rudyard Kipling is one of my all time favorite poems. It is one of the reasons I am an English major. It is one of the reasons I love poetry.
The word “if” really is poetry if you think about it. Poetry contains big messages in a few words. “If” contains big possibilities, consequences, potential in few letters. Pretty neat, actually.
If only I could forget everything,
things will be different
they would be better, don’t you think?
I can not stand
walkind down the street
among dirty snow and delighted people
lighted up by Christmas decorations,
and not having you beside me.
I’d be rather happy
even if I could forget your smile,
your eyes, your existence.
Time goes by
but the aching pain is still there,
between the lungs,
and I constantly breath thick air,
trying to write letters and letters to send you.
I’m not even able anymore
to write, to choose the right words;
and I need the inked page as much as you.
IF. Hey, that’s a simple word.
Then why must my mind go so completely blank?
Ah, I know why. The infinite options that present itself. A part of me wants to talk about what would happen IF things hadn’t gone the way they had and Joshua and I were still together, or what IF I never moved to Canada, what would I be today? What would I be doing at this exact moment?
Well, not this, definitely.
Then there’s a part of me that wants to talk about something completely preposterous. Like, what IF time travel were possible? Or head the theological path and ask myself, what IF God really existed? Or maybe even the philosophical, what IF everything I saw was only a creation of my own mind? Does anything even exist?
IF only my words didn’t dry up so quickly…if only I was like a river in a cold rainy town, if only I had any talent whatsover; then maybe I would have made better garments with the enormous cloth I’ve recieved…
If only. A world full of possibilities, and this is what I’m restrained to? If only. If only I could free myself. If only the world were truly as free as it seemed. Life, the grandest illusion, shattered. The universe broken upon the floor. Myself… happy. If only…
if. What if? What if? What if the world was full of peace? What if people didn’t experience pain every minute, every second of the day. If the world was right and people helped each other. If things didn’t matter. If everyone loved each other and we stood together as one big ocean of peace, hope. If we weren’t all scattered about with feeling and friends and choices like a baby’s toys all over the floor. If only a mother would come and put us all back in our rightful place.
If it all worked out and everything was okay.
If everything was okay.
If.
if. What if? What if? What if the world was full of peace? What if people didn’t experience pain every minute, every second of the day. If the world was right and people helped each other. If things didn’t matter. If everyone loved each other and we stood together as one big ocean of peace, hope.
If it all worked out and everything was okay.
If everything was okay.
If.
What if. A huge question that can fill up your life. it can fill it with opportunity or with pain and confusion. You can let it soar and bring you down a yellow brick road or it can destroy you. Answer less questions can destroy you, after all.
If I told you my struggles would you understand? If I told you that this pressure of being the best that you put on me is killing me inside, would you care? If I told you about what I did to myself to help me deal with this,would you send me away? If I told you that the person you known for most of her life was a facade, would you believe it? Save your breath, I already know the answers to these questions. You wouldn’t care. Not one bit.
If perhaps a way, if maybe a right to some insight, there wouldn’t be an issue of fright. I’m delighted to be alive but I’m so far from subscribing to simple survival. I don’t ever want to be a fucking animal.
My mind can’t stop spinning with the “if”s. If this happens or if this is what really happened or if this never changes or if this and if that. I need to stop all of the questioning, I need to live and act with a present mindfulness.
If. If, only two letters and yet such a large word. If only my cousin hadn’t died last Wednesday. If only I didn’t have anxiety. If only I could eat anything I wanted and not get sick. If only I didn’t want to slit my wrists with every passing minute, every passing hour, every passing second. If only I had a bit more time. The answers to these if’s would change everything. They would change my life, my existence. This world is not one which responds kindly to if’s. It lives in black and white. In a world of what did, or did not happen, of what will or will not happen. My life, your life, the world could be altered completely if some of my ifs could just fall in line with some of my desires.
If life wasn’t so hard, what would it be, really? Would it be something where everyone just chose to make everyone else happy, because that wasn’t as hard? or would it be something where everyone pursued their own selfish dreams, because that wasn’t that hard either? Or would everyone just stop caring?Do people care to do things because the challenge makes them worth it, or do they care because they have the space to think about other people?
“Well, maybe there is, maybe there isn’t. It all depends on what you do from here on out. How seriously do you take yourself?”
“Unfortunately, not that seriously. I lack the courage and confidence to do what I must.”
“Then unfortunately, you don’t stand a chance against the world. You should never second guess yourself, never trip over things that are behind you, and keep moving forward.”
Falling through the deep blue glow, each layer of thickening nitrogen licks and bites the frail shell encasing our colony. So many souls… if only we could have anticipated such a unknowable landing all the years between Mars and Neptune.
If I was just alone , what would I be? WHO would I be? Without a daughter, without my blood and smile and tears within her?
What would I do? With no real motivation and with no real reason to laugh. What will I feel, with no one to hold my hand every day and moment before we sleep.
If I were a salesman, I would sell everything in sight. I have the ability so no one would have to worry about that. I could sell you anything. It wouldn’t matter what store you put me in.
If i left right now my life would change drastically. I’m not sure if i’m okay with that
If i stay right where i am for now, for life, not much would change-ever. I’m not sure if i’m okay with that.
so there is middle ground. staying isn’t a compromise neither is leaving. Welcome to a little town called screwed
If ever you’re in love with me, are you going to love me like you do to her? Are you going to be with me everytime? If ever I call you, will you be there? Will you be there with me, when I laugh, cry, get moody or mixed emotions?
Will you support me in everything I do? Will you get me up when I’m down? If you were mine, will you do these things to me? These are seemed impossible when you keep holding her hand instead of mine, when you are laughing with her, crying with her, be with her at all times.
You loving her so much rather your own life. Your own eyes, only for her. You love only her. Me, tears running down my eyes for I love you. But that is impossible.
if I had the time, if I had the money, if I had the chance, if I had the motivation, if I had the support, if I had the sexy idea, if I had the inspiration, if I had the courage, if I had the right attitude, if I had… this and that…
If I were a car, I’d break down right in the middle of a wasteland, and I’d breathe oily fumes so strong that the nearest town could smell the toxins and feel it churning up the acids in their stomach. I’d have an owner who’d curse and scream and kick my tires a few times with a heavy leather boot, then throw a reception-less phone at the hills while scraping her pockets for a spare cigarette.
If I was a dragon. I don’t know, that’s the first thing that came into my head. If I was a dragon… and I could breath fire, I would be one of those huge ones that star in movies. You know, those dragon/dinosaur things that partner up with King Kong terrorize New York City? Yeah. I would be one of those. A big, green, mean fire breathing machine.
If only she had turned around. If only she could turn around and look at me once again with those hazel eyes. If she could do that I would be…happy.
“[What I want] if [what they want]”
“[Reluctant agreement]”
“[Reluctant smile]”
If i was smarter, if i was prettier, if i was better, if i was more motivated, if my room was clean, if i had friends, if i had better clothes, if i did sports, if i payed attention more, if i had more money, if i could go, if i wanted to, if i needed to,
If, indeed. If maybes and buts were candy and nuts, we’d all have one hell of a Christmas. If I fell in love with you. If ever I would leave you. If only. If maybe.
if only i was eric carle’s butterfly filled with oranges and apples galore, if only i was a somebody with neurons in harmony, if only i made sense and was normal and wasn’t a mess.
If I had one more chance to change what I said, I wouldn’t. I stand by what I said, even though it may have been insensitive and stupid. All I wanted was for you to forgive me, but I think I just ended up making everything worse. I’m sorry I met you, and I’m sorry I lied. If you’re reading this, just know that I’m sorry.
If Carolyn was no longer my friend the void in my life would be tremendous. One of the greatest gifts in life is the gift of friendship. I have been blessed beyond measure to have her as my BFF!
If I had this and if I had that. We will never get to the stage in life where we are satisfied with the space that we share, or the possessions that we acquire. Contentment is not so easy to accept and therefore it is a habit or culture, that we must nature and and embrace.
If a picture paints a thousand words………..not original though. I could think of so many ifs that I would need hours……….
If i was a bird I could fly anywhere I wanted.
If I was beautiful, I would have friends.
If I was nice, people would like me.
If, if, if.
Alas, I am not.
i were the Queen of England I would let all the girls and boys run riot in the streets for one day of every year. The parents of these wild children will be at the beck and call for every need they have whether it be for a shoe lace that needs to be tied or a private jet to be flown. They are slaves to their children.
“What’ll ye do? If we see her?”
She snorted. “Slim chance of that happenin’, Rikkon me lad. Ain’t a lotta callin’ fer a noble birthed ta step foot on the grubby planks, aye?”
“S’pect not,” he agreed with a shrug. “Still, maybehaps if they knew a certain ship be comin’ inta port…?” he trailed off pointedly, earning a sigh from his captain.
“Expect that’d be more reason ta avoid it, ta be honest,” she said, dipping her chin thoughtfully. “Still, can’t speak fer Lady Fate, can I?”
Senseless Sun breaking the windowsill
of the corner in the room with
The sceptre shining through
What can be sought not wrong
But right in front fearless
Tracking changes like an inept
salamander, creeping silently
Alone and afraid.
“If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you…”
“If” by Rudyard Kipling is one of my all time favorite poems. It is one of the reasons I am an English major. It is one of the reasons I love poetry.
The word “if” really is poetry if you think about it. Poetry contains big messages in a few words. “If” contains big possibilities, consequences, potential in few letters. Pretty neat, actually.
If only I could forget everything,
things will be different
they would be better, don’t you think?
I can not stand
walkind down the street
among dirty snow and delighted people
lighted up by Christmas decorations,
and not having you beside me.
I’d be rather happy
even if I could forget your smile,
your eyes, your existence.
Time goes by
but the aching pain is still there,
between the lungs,
and I constantly breath thick air,
trying to write letters and letters to send you.
I’m not even able anymore
to write, to choose the right words;
and I need the inked page as much as you.
IF. Hey, that’s a simple word.
Then why must my mind go so completely blank?
Ah, I know why. The infinite options that present itself. A part of me wants to talk about what would happen IF things hadn’t gone the way they had and Joshua and I were still together, or what IF I never moved to Canada, what would I be today? What would I be doing at this exact moment?
Well, not this, definitely.
Then there’s a part of me that wants to talk about something completely preposterous. Like, what IF time travel were possible? Or head the theological path and ask myself, what IF God really existed? Or maybe even the philosophical, what IF everything I saw was only a creation of my own mind? Does anything even exist?
IF only my words didn’t dry up so quickly…if only I was like a river in a cold rainy town, if only I had any talent whatsover; then maybe I would have made better garments with the enormous cloth I’ve recieved…
“There’s no if in it,” she said crossly. “Either you do it or you don’t. There’s no way to be in between. So just shut up already and do it!”
If only. A world full of possibilities, and this is what I’m restrained to? If only. If only I could free myself. If only the world were truly as free as it seemed. Life, the grandest illusion, shattered. The universe broken upon the floor. Myself… happy. If only…
if. What if? What if? What if the world was full of peace? What if people didn’t experience pain every minute, every second of the day. If the world was right and people helped each other. If things didn’t matter. If everyone loved each other and we stood together as one big ocean of peace, hope. If we weren’t all scattered about with feeling and friends and choices like a baby’s toys all over the floor. If only a mother would come and put us all back in our rightful place.
If it all worked out and everything was okay.
If everything was okay.
If.
if. What if? What if? What if the world was full of peace? What if people didn’t experience pain every minute, every second of the day. If the world was right and people helped each other. If things didn’t matter. If everyone loved each other and we stood together as one big ocean of peace, hope.
If it all worked out and everything was okay.
If everything was okay.
If.
What if. A huge question that can fill up your life. it can fill it with opportunity or with pain and confusion. You can let it soar and bring you down a yellow brick road or it can destroy you. Answer less questions can destroy you, after all.
If things were peaceful
You’d make war
Because you’d feel bored
Just sitting around
If I told you my struggles would you understand? If I told you that this pressure of being the best that you put on me is killing me inside, would you care? If I told you about what I did to myself to help me deal with this,would you send me away? If I told you that the person you known for most of her life was a facade, would you believe it? Save your breath, I already know the answers to these questions. You wouldn’t care. Not one bit.
If perhaps a way, if maybe a right to some insight, there wouldn’t be an issue of fright. I’m delighted to be alive but I’m so far from subscribing to simple survival. I don’t ever want to be a fucking animal.
My mind can’t stop spinning with the “if”s. If this happens or if this is what really happened or if this never changes or if this and if that. I need to stop all of the questioning, I need to live and act with a present mindfulness.
If. If, only two letters and yet such a large word. If only my cousin hadn’t died last Wednesday. If only I didn’t have anxiety. If only I could eat anything I wanted and not get sick. If only I didn’t want to slit my wrists with every passing minute, every passing hour, every passing second. If only I had a bit more time. The answers to these if’s would change everything. They would change my life, my existence. This world is not one which responds kindly to if’s. It lives in black and white. In a world of what did, or did not happen, of what will or will not happen. My life, your life, the world could be altered completely if some of my ifs could just fall in line with some of my desires.
if we can fly
if we can teleport
if we can go into the future
i wish…
I could deal with the emotional abuse if you didn’t pity me for putting up with it.
If life wasn’t so hard, what would it be, really? Would it be something where everyone just chose to make everyone else happy, because that wasn’t as hard? or would it be something where everyone pursued their own selfish dreams, because that wasn’t that hard either? Or would everyone just stop caring?Do people care to do things because the challenge makes them worth it, or do they care because they have the space to think about other people?
“So you’re saying there’s a chance?”
“Well, maybe there is, maybe there isn’t. It all depends on what you do from here on out. How seriously do you take yourself?”
“Unfortunately, not that seriously. I lack the courage and confidence to do what I must.”
“Then unfortunately, you don’t stand a chance against the world. You should never second guess yourself, never trip over things that are behind you, and keep moving forward.”
“…”
“If only you knew how bad regret felt, son.”
“if” is the most powerful word in the English language when used with the future tense, but the most useless when used with the past tense.
Falling through the deep blue glow, each layer of thickening nitrogen licks and bites the frail shell encasing our colony. So many souls… if only we could have anticipated such a unknowable landing all the years between Mars and Neptune.
If I was just alone , what would I be? WHO would I be? Without a daughter, without my blood and smile and tears within her?
What would I do? With no real motivation and with no real reason to laugh. What will I feel, with no one to hold my hand every day and moment before we sleep.
If I were a salesman, I would sell everything in sight. I have the ability so no one would have to worry about that. I could sell you anything. It wouldn’t matter what store you put me in.
If i left right now my life would change drastically. I’m not sure if i’m okay with that
If i stay right where i am for now, for life, not much would change-ever. I’m not sure if i’m okay with that.
so there is middle ground. staying isn’t a compromise neither is leaving. Welcome to a little town called screwed
If ever you’re in love with me, are you going to love me like you do to her? Are you going to be with me everytime? If ever I call you, will you be there? Will you be there with me, when I laugh, cry, get moody or mixed emotions?
Will you support me in everything I do? Will you get me up when I’m down? If you were mine, will you do these things to me? These are seemed impossible when you keep holding her hand instead of mine, when you are laughing with her, crying with her, be with her at all times.
You loving her so much rather your own life. Your own eyes, only for her. You love only her. Me, tears running down my eyes for I love you. But that is impossible.
If only I was her.
if.
if I had the time, if I had the money, if I had the chance, if I had the motivation, if I had the support, if I had the sexy idea, if I had the inspiration, if I had the courage, if I had the right attitude, if I had… this and that…
I would still not be able to do it.
if, is unnecessary.
there is only do.
just do.
do.
If I were a car, I’d break down right in the middle of a wasteland, and I’d breathe oily fumes so strong that the nearest town could smell the toxins and feel it churning up the acids in their stomach. I’d have an owner who’d curse and scream and kick my tires a few times with a heavy leather boot, then throw a reception-less phone at the hills while scraping her pockets for a spare cigarette.
If I was a dragon. I don’t know, that’s the first thing that came into my head. If I was a dragon… and I could breath fire, I would be one of those huge ones that star in movies. You know, those dragon/dinosaur things that partner up with King Kong terrorize New York City? Yeah. I would be one of those. A big, green, mean fire breathing machine.
What if the world stopped spinning? This is the question Stacy has been trying to answer her entire life, and she may have just found the answer.
“Stacy, what are you doing outside?” Her mother groaned from the doorframe,
“Thinking.” Stacy whispered, staring up at one particularly bright star.