Comments Posted By unkitjc

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selective

As I read today’s word, I chuckled to myself. It is the word I have been toying with, weighing, to make sure I am worthy of applying it to my description.

It has been a year since I left architecture, since I started my new job. A year of big and small changes, adding up to who I am today. It has been a year of becoming accountable for things. That is a big one for me.

Recently since I few months I find I am pretty happy, and I am still missing some thing. I don’t want to know what it is, afraid that finding out won’t be of much help.

I tried to be more selective of what I am saying, but I still blabber on.

» Posted By unkitjc On 03.23.2014 @ 11:00 pm

systems

The world is being broken down by systems, demanding the loyalty of its participant gears… It was a lot more complex and yet a lot more simpler when there was only the systems of nature, where life and death and everything existed in harmony… Freewill comes across as a myth to me sometimes, because my will is still bound in the premise of my social, financial, geographical order (to name a few) and also by what people perceive my abilities and limits to be… Nature never asked for such order. Even in nature freewill is a myth, yet within its system mankind was not bound in its own games and foolery.

I hope some day we can rise beyond race, continent, countries, religion and class, because these systems only give power to some and don’t allow progress – where currently luxury is deemed as progress (only progress in lifestyle, NOT of mankind) – and we can hope to seeing existence beyond the speck in space we call home.

» Posted By unkitjc On 02.02.2013 @ 10:48 am

ahead

Both the men sat in a restaurant where the other tables were empty. They were either oblivious to that fact, or well suited to that knowledge.

They stared at each other. It wasn’t a staring contest, each was observing the movement of the other, every squint of the eye, every blink, a momentary frown. They were looking for whatever signs they could get of where the other was going to take the conversation next.

A monologue of thoughts played in the background, spelling thoughts of of a man sounding distraught. The window behind the two men played the scene of a someone’s point of view, where hands were typing away at a screen, occasionally one coming up to look at his cell phone.

The hand kept looking at the screen of his cell phone like something was being waited for. Indeed the voice spoke of her fondly, waiting for some kind of signal that she too thought of him as he did of her.

As those lines were being spoken the man on the left looked at the window, appearing to sympathize with the voice. The man on the left shrugged it off.

The view in the window started to move as the voice silenced for a few moments. The scene passed through a door and into a restroom, where the view showed in a mirror the man running the whole play. The two men in the restaurant seemed to momentarily become one, As all three of them recognized their identity as one.

As the man washed his face and moved out, his mind again split into the two conflicting sides in him.

The window blacked out as the eyes closed. The two men inside began to converse.
The man on the left began telling the man on the right, “Holding on is destroying us, this needs to stop.”

The man on the right replied, “Is it? don’t you think we at least deserve to dwell in what we have left, even if it is just memories?”

“Why do you turn a blind side to what is really going on? That we are trying to live a lie? She is in the past, all our fears are in the past. Why do we keep digging back there?”

“Because… because we are scared of moving on. It feels like we are dying and some one else is taking our place.”

“That is not true, we are the same person! How can we change, we belong to the same mind. We know we are right, do we not? We need to stop finding reasons for putting off our life, our work, our goals in life. We can not forever be afraid, we can not throw away this opportunity to be something over… over.. ”

“Say it, we need to say it, we need to hear the truth… We are speaking rightly. We do not have the strength, but if we admit our fault we may become free..”

“We are not going to sit by and let us throw away our life because we we have stopped wanting anything from life. How could she or anyone else hurt us so much that we are afraid of caring for any one else, afraid of caring for our self? We have come to be afraid of intimacy, of vulnerability, I understand that. But we need to urgently over come it. This is not acceptable by any means. We need to let go of it all… We need to accept not being perfect.. We need to look Ahead.”

» Posted By unkitjc On 01.25.2013 @ 12:48 pm

shows

Thank you, to all the wonderful writers on oneword you all inspire me so much. You free my mind from my two eyes and perception.

And thank you to the people who follow my activities, and who have appreciated me. It shows me that I don’t write too bad (I am still such an amateur, struggling to find my creative spark… Only work on feelings and notions).

Thank you all

» Posted By unkitjc On 12.27.2012 @ 11:45 am

When one reviews the past couple of decades, it shows you how impatient humans have become, how everyone wants everything right now (just because it is possible). Who decided that right now is the best time to have things? Moments seems to empty and fast moving, the only thing I can remember from my last week is having sat on a chair and doing nothing, observing people passing by. What is the hurry?

» Posted By unkitjc On 12.27.2012 @ 11:42 am

Hello again my dear friend,
I know the last time we didn’t end things that well. I fell in love with you, and you always understood. I knew you’d probably never love me back, but it was a risk of getting heard I took. i was happy, just being by your side, being your support, how you were to me when I lost my way. I’ll always be thankful to you about being the best thing that happened to me, and I will always feel bad on making true the statement that a guy and a girl can never be just friends.

In a way I was glad you stopped talking to me after a year of being closer than anyone else, because i learned to be free of you and stand on my own emotional legs. Now that you’ve come back and apologized for all things that happened, I feel better about our mistakes, I’m glad you thanked for taking the time to understand you, not everyone appreciates it.

Now that you are seeing someone, I knew we couldn’t go back to being the same, all those nights where we’d fall sleep to each others voices, wake up to each others’ texts, the whole day you’d tell me about everything that happened, and I only spoke of my triumphant moments. Still, I hoped somewhere we could be as close friends as before, now that I don’t love you anymore, but your distant conversations and late replies, it all shows me I screwed up big time. I’m glad you had understood I needed to be away from you when I was heartbroken, even more glad that you came back.

I wish in time we can go back to where we were. Till then, Good Night.

» Posted By unkitjc On 12.27.2012 @ 11:37 am

The poor cab driver was complaining to his customer about his money problems. He kept on and on about how he was in debt, how hard it was for him to get by. The passenger was generous enough to hear him out, though he wished the cab driver would stop complaining and victimizing himself, because he felt somewhere everyone was facing a troubling life in these troubling times.
But the passenger kept listening and responding to his ability without entertaining the self deprecation of the cab driver. He did not want to be rude, and knew how good it felt if someone just heard him out from time to time.
Somewhere in the one sided conversation the cab driver started to look at the expensive cars going by and commented on the possible value of each of their owners in a manner that he was trying implying that if those rich people had the money, why couldn’t he have a good life like them?
The passenger honestly felt like shaking the cab driver into his senses and stop his ranting. But then the cab driver spoke of his neighbour, with whom he had bought houses side by side at the same time. The cab driver spoke of how his neighbour had come to be richer than him, and how he had begun to avoid him in all manners. The driver said that he being the inferior of the two, he couldn’t take the first step to question his neighbour or make amends.
The passenger tried to say all he wanted in one reply, “Look mate, your neighbour’s behavior towards you is not your fault, but it shows his attitude towards people and things and you’re probably better off without him where you are.”
The cab driver started to dwell on what the passenger had said, and fell silent.

» Posted By unkitjc On 12.27.2012 @ 11:26 am

both

Every reference I make that links me to you, it hurts inside, because after all I decided to give myself to you, but you said I should be left for a better beholder to come. We both know that it will make me die inside, for I cannot explain why I love you more than my life.

» Posted By unkitjc On 12.04.2012 @ 9:44 am

late

From the time I fell for you,
I knew to me you meant something more,
Like your every little thing I’ve come to adore,
By my side, you are a strength I lack alone,
Having known your grace,
Without you is all but an existence.
Of late I realise I tend to live in an illusion,
Like how I put you on a pedestal,
When all you wanted was to be by my side,
I regret to think I was wrong about being right,
I do keep hurting you, don’t I?
This sparse acknowledgement you make of my existence,
Will always remind me to look before I fall again.

» Posted By unkitjc On 11.23.2012 @ 9:08 am

ground

Like paper in wind my thoughts float around,
So easily I get lost in my head,
Yet you come bring me back to the ground,
Within your arms I shall always be found.

» Posted By unkitjc On 11.05.2012 @ 11:39 am

There had come to be a deep sense of abandon within him. He could not describe the nature of it, he said it felt like ng to life for, because everything he wanted out of life was already with someone else. He said, he felt that way, but he knew it wasn’t true and that he could have everything he wanted. Yet the feeling existed. This conflict was eating away his being, day after day he felt he just wanted to sleep all the time, so he could dream a world where he was more ambitious. Slowly pieces of his life fell apart, he saw it happening from a distant place in his mind, where he almost felt happy about it.
He hoped he would die soon, this waste of a man that he called himself, so he could free others of him. His shrink said he behaved like a drug addict, except that he didn’t do any drugs. He knew his drug was his dreams, his hate of reality, he wanted to escape from existence. But how? Was 6 feet under the place to be for him?
No, it wasn’t. Others believed he would one day raise monuments from the ground. None realized though, how he would translate his dreams into grounded reality. He knew was meant to be an architect, not in the way that it was his destiny, but in the way a person who mimics others is a good it, good at being someone else, but he can never be an actor because he depends on others for the traits he produces, originality does not lie within him, he will always be a mimic. Likewise, he could try writing or something else, but he could only survive as an architect.

» Posted By unkitjc On 11.05.2012 @ 11:31 am

before

My reality is crumbling around me, I am able to tell what i real and what is my imagination, but I am afraid this depression and distortion of things around me will soon be my doom. I know what is happening, but I cannot seem to be able to stop it, or find the cause… I must, I must. Before it is too late

» Posted By unkitjc On 09.25.2012 @ 5:55 am

I believed there could be love,
I believed in your existence,
Even when I didn’t know you,
I smiled with you,
Despite knowing I couldn’t be the cause,
I cried for you,
When I found you were never to be mine,
I frowned at your fears,
Trying to keep mine at bay,
I knew I loved you and wished it was enough,
Enough to exist in bliss of ignorance of your choice about me,
But that was all before I dared to reach out for you,
Only to realize it was all a dream,
I was a fool in another world.

» Posted By unkitjc On 09.25.2012 @ 5:49 am

I’ve had such big plan for myself, but things are just falling apart in my head. The only thing stopping me is me, I am not sure how I can free myself of that curse. I guess before I die, the least I can do is tell someone the truth of how it was going to be a beautiful world and how now it is not.

» Posted By unkitjc On 09.25.2012 @ 5:43 am

afraid

I’m just afraid of being afraid… Afraid that I don’t care about anything anymore, no real reason to live, to strive to be anything. I don’t think I am depressed. Just indifferent to existence.

» Posted By unkitjc On 09.24.2012 @ 10:49 am

When he sat to confer with himself, the man who was once a child began to speak of life. Coming onto the subject of fear, he was sure he spoke across time for all who’ve ever existed, that the thing people have been most afraid of is not being acknowledged of their existence. Everybody needs attention… People can be afraid of being alone or lonely, they can chose not be afraid of it… People can be afraid of death, of success, phobias of many kinds, but one thing they all need, even the crazy ones, is acknowledgement of their existence.

» Posted By unkitjc On 09.24.2012 @ 10:48 am

I am afraid to loose it all, I am afraid of people dying, I am afraid of not being my best, afraid o not being what you wanted, I’m afraid of succeeding, they’ll want more of me when they learn I can… Sometimes I just want to escape and forget everything I’m afraid about, forget I am afraid of life.

» Posted By unkitjc On 09.24.2012 @ 10:42 am

half

My half of the world was in darkness when your’s was in light, A straight mass of land separated us, the Earth understood and bent under me to where you reside. So many people here, only one I needed, only you I wanted, and your memory I got, and the knowledge of half a planet’s distance, because that’s how far you are.

» Posted By unkitjc On 08.22.2012 @ 2:12 pm

A tear went down his cheek. He felt free. All this while he had spent in searching the answer to his problem, one that questioned his existence and actions. He now felt like he had an answer that wouldn’t let him down. But that was just the half of it. Now came the part where he had to start living.

» Posted By unkitjc On 08.22.2012 @ 2:06 pm

instructions

Everyone was curious about what all it could do. When it was first announced, people were skeptical, but after the first few trials there was big news about it, this plug in device.

The instructions that read were very simple:

1) When you are experiencing a desired feeling, attach the two white patches to either sides of your forehead.
2) Press Record.
3) Wait for 30 Seconds.
4) Press the Record button again to stop.
5) Number the recording.
6) Attach the patches to the side of your head as desired and press play to stimulate the recorded feeling again.

The consequences of such a machine were massive. It changed everything.

» Posted By unkitjc On 07.22.2012 @ 7:11 am

pour

“Well, you do have to make this right. Stop being kids, both of you, fuckin’ grow up and realize that your behaviour is affecting us all. This is just amazingly stupid and immature. What was the result eh? Neither you got the girl, neither him.”

“Yeah I know. I’ll talk to him day after.” I don’t know what I’ll say. How do I tell him that I don’t care about any of it anymore? I just want to be left alone. She helped make sure i don\t talk to him anyways, guess disappearing should be easier now. “Please pour me some more. No, not water, more whiskey.”

» Posted By unkitjc On 06.17.2012 @ 6:08 am

I wish these passing clouds, please carry me away with them, so I could pour myself some other place, some place you may be.

» Posted By unkitjc On 06.17.2012 @ 5:43 am

straw

They lay in the straw field the light wind brushing her hair over her face. The sun was out bright, it was a clear day. They were innocent, they were unaware of a thing called love, something they should never know that often follows, a heartbreak. Having discovered a friend in her, he was not to know how when summer ends they would part and he’d miss her like he’d lost a part of himself. She too would stare into nothingness remembering how his being with her made everything right, she just wouldn’t be able to explain.

Unaware of the beautiful feeling of togetherness slowly seeping in, he chewed on straws and she lay with her head resting on him.

When she would return next summer, he will show her his new piano, and will innocently confess to her his love, either won’t know what it meant, but she knew right then she will never want to lose him.

He said, “I found a box full of sound, in the silence I heard it sing in my mind, your memory gave me a lot to hum about, I will play for you something from my heart.

» Posted By unkitjc On 06.14.2012 @ 11:15 am

brief

He was high, high on alcohol, happiness, and music to make him sway with joy, right then when nothing else existed for him but himself and the bliss of being. For a brief moment when his trance broke, he looked around trying to figure what had disrupted him, and he saw her, their eyes met, and then she was lost in the crowd. He shook his head, laughed for the world did this to him all the time, and started to dance again.

» Posted By unkitjc On 06.13.2012 @ 6:45 am

switching

Switching over to a new life where he was not insane and deep in a sea of melancholy, letting go of everything I became but never wanted to be. Letting go of ties that burden my existence, with weight of loneliness and duty to people I didn’t ask for being shed.

» Posted By unkitjc On 06.12.2012 @ 5:24 am

architecture

I saw the lines grow neatly into a structure on the paper, the structure suddenly coming out from the sheets, the metal skeleton taking on the concrete and glass skin, looking like it had grown out of the landscape around it. The humans inhabited it, thought in awe what hands may have given birth to those lines, which now surround them as walls and ground under their feet, wondering what mind could make something so beautiful that one felt awed to look at the monster, to live in it, work in it. Stood below a group of people, with blank sheets of paper in their hands, looking in at more spaces where onto they could create more of these, each new and different from the previous, yet each a mark of the creators, of what they wish to see people in. Someone walked up to them, and asked them who they were, and they replied – “We are, Architects of life, Architects for Life.”

» Posted By unkitjc On 05.30.2012 @ 9:47 am

leading

Walking along the sidewalk, trying to keep in line, he felt a sudden grip his arm and pull him round the corner. He was startled, tried to figure what was happening, but she said there was no time to explain. Leading him down the crowded street and into a building, she finally stopped in what appeared to be a bar in his mind.

“What took you so long?!”, someone asked him.

“Well a blind man can’t run, especially and old man like me Trey! I was counting my steps to here as usual until Cassie here tore my wits out.”

“About time I got you here Pa, I mean you were late to the party!”

“Party? What party? Is it someone’s birthday?”

“Of course it is Pa, yours!”

A chorus of cheers erupted.

» Posted By unkitjc On 05.25.2012 @ 3:41 pm

There was no sudden epiphany, clarity did not happen to suddenly endow him with her presence. It was a long building realization that everything meant nothing, and what anything meant, was his choice. He felt light, felt like a free man. All this while he struggled the world with great expectations, leading him with results that otherwise may be considered fine, but to him they were grim. But now he understood, he needn’t struggle with himself any more, he should take it as it comes.

» Posted By unkitjc On 05.25.2012 @ 3:31 pm

It was what he craved. All these years, he had read about the perfect love, the perfect relationships, seen it in movies, heard it in songs… They were leading him to believe some day he too would fine his perfect love. He did not hide from the truth of bad experiences and unhappy endings, just simply believed it would not happen to him. As is obvious, his heart did break, not just once but times he would rather forget. And to each of them he hung on still, finding them in memory of things he did, places he loved, times spent alone staring at nothingness. He cursed everything that had mislead him. The truth was, the payoffs were over-hyped. But somewhere in his heart, he still believed, love did exist, may be he just hadn’t met his.

» Posted By unkitjc On 05.25.2012 @ 3:25 pm

quest

As a child I thought I knew where I wanted to go as I grew up, but as i grew up I began to be unsure. Now I’m on a quest to find purpose of my life, purpose that is ever changing, my quest never ending. Today i want to be someone, tomorrow I will want to be in love, someday I will want to die, but the point of all the above states my path clearly, my quest is to be happy, wherever that leads me.

» Posted By unkitjc On 05.22.2012 @ 5:49 am

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