Comments Posted By stargirl

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why do i treat my body like a freezer?
i know I can’t keep these thoughts fresh for long

» Posted By stargirl On 11.10.2015 @ 9:50 pm


I confuse the two as antonyms
yet they do not mean the same

one with out the other, silence
I often forget what I am saying
and begin with lost words from yesterday
my brain, a wishing well
kept full from
tossing coins at myself hoping
to remember what was just at the tip of my tongue
there are times when i am penniless i fish
coins out from myself and wish upon them
for something else, never to know which will come true
careful i might just get what i wish for

» Posted By stargirl On 02.26.2015 @ 11:20 pm


roasting my heart
spinning and drooling
like a dog in heat
I pluck the chords
of your voice with a snarl

» Posted By stargirl On 02.23.2015 @ 2:59 pm


i am a fierce hawk
born from the sea and raised in the twists and turns of the puget sound
lately though
i have lost too many feathers
have you ever lost a piece of yourself?
each one a memory, a lesson learned

i replaced my confidence with doubt again
censoring every word i speak
but today i vow to my self
my one and only
that i am in control again
maker of destiny
and forever free

» Posted By stargirl On 02.18.2015 @ 7:13 am


held on for so long
myfiingers start to melt
the tips are words I am speaking
but they will never be real
I will
never touch a single

» Posted By stargirl On 02.14.2015 @ 2:39 pm


so alluring
your striking eyes
blue as the heavens
opening for the first
time in weeks
the clouds part ways and
a stream of sun pours
onto the concrete
then reflects back up into
topaz keys
I can tell what you’re thinking
not speaking my name
I can feel your gems of soul
on my empty shoulder blades
as I slip into the next room
we should always be closer

» Posted By stargirl On 02.12.2015 @ 1:45 pm

the fight to stop smiling when one is yelling
at me or scolding me or even telling me, seriously, how they feel
is one I am slowly losing
I just have to laugh
I am rude

» Posted By stargirl On 02.12.2015 @ 1:35 pm


i must be shades of red

» Posted By stargirl On 02.05.2015 @ 10:01 pm


rich in heart and soul
and diamonds,
hidden caskets
carved in your eyes
crash wide open
and they knock faithfully on your cellar door
asking for receipts, a number to prove you are real
just let them check the dirt under your nails,
harbored soul
are you the one who dug that jewel?
you kneel whisper
pray to be predator to feed on
gold silver
but muddy tears laid bodies to rest
long before you walked this dirt
and you will never be worth more
than soil

» Posted By stargirl On 01.29.2015 @ 7:20 pm


i still find myself picking pieces of you from my guts –
that day when your shrapnel stuck into the back of my mind
the war of you and i

» Posted By stargirl On 01.27.2015 @ 10:47 pm


I offer to you, all the fog in my brain
it is not much
but it will be there, so comforting,
on the nights when you are all alone
scratching picking at your frontal lobe and
making sure you don’t see light till morning

a sort of friend, none the less, that I’ve carried
all my life, a little darkness, keeping me
sad bleak hazy and oh what a magnificent gift
I would like to share with you, the cloud that hangs
behind me and makes my heart race suddenly, makes
my finger tips remain so cold, — you too, babe, can have some
of the haze that blankets my desire to ever leave bed

» Posted By stargirl On 01.22.2015 @ 11:49 am

i offer up all the fog in my brain
for you
it’s not worth much
but it will be there faithfully on
the nights when you are all alone scratching
picking at your frontal lobe and making sure
you can’t see through to morning

as if loneliness was not enough,
now holding your hand
the reason the tips of your fingers remain so cold
the haze that blankets the desire to ever leave bed
will comfort us both
oh please it is all i have to give
and all i will have to hold
if i don’t have

» Posted By stargirl On 01.21.2015 @ 10:13 pm


there once was a time that yesterday’s lips held
today in their curve – so promising and grim.
a smile that departs at the wave of a hand
wiped way with good intentions and
heavy regard.
now, drinking from the tap of infinite golden rules just
to learn what it means to be finite, we
interlace thoughts with lessons and remember not
moments in time but time in all honesty
our nakedness now only and what happens today has never been before
already a fragment of story

» Posted By stargirl On 01.16.2015 @ 12:06 am


When you
say you will
Smoke Pills Again
the truth is
you have to start back in the cocoon
Wingless, Infantile, Suckling
and promise me you will hibernate,
not pick up the phone when They call
to sell you more.
In fact you will need to toss that number
get a new phone entirely – alert Me when
you are aching craving about to breakdown buymore
And I promise to never have foil in the house
To toss all my prescriptions
To help you crawl out of the cocoon as the time comes
and once your wings are back, though new and tender they will be,
I promise to always always always help you off the ground and fly

» Posted By stargirl On 01.08.2015 @ 2:50 pm


Walking in the pouring rain 5am nocoffee

» Posted By stargirl On 12.27.2014 @ 2:27 pm


i am lost with out you stroking my hair when i wake up
your hands so far away
i dont even know you any more
The way you shake at the thought of breaking my trust
stealing money favorite book of poems thinking
you could replace it before i noticed
what a fool you have made me out to be
You are a different kind of selfish
you just want to destroy yourself
And apparently take me with you
i dont want to touch you anyore

» Posted By stargirl On 12.21.2014 @ 9:33 am


So sweet in my mouth you gave me cavities im panicking cant pick your taste from my teeth you linger i taste you still years later once decadent now rot in my gums and from the back of my throat i cough and out comes your name. When i swallow i feel your last words trickle down into the pit of my stomach and you sear through the linng and swim through my blood stream your vocabulary sticks to the walls of my vocal chords until i sound like yoy

» Posted By stargirl On 11.13.2014 @ 1:37 pm


sink my hook into the ocean floor
40,000 feet down i think i caught it
caught something strong enough
to pull me under — i am weightless all alone

» Posted By stargirl On 10.27.2014 @ 8:48 am


open wounds fester and begin to think for themselves
there is a part of me so torn up that it has a mind of it’s own

i am not naturally this happy i have worked my ass off
to keep my head up, your weight still brings me down
i dream of you fucking up my life
i dream of us fucking
i don’t ever want to please you

» Posted By stargirl On 10.15.2014 @ 8:55 am



i think
you are
a joke
this is all some sort of prank
you’re pulling my leg, isn’t that right?
when i see you in my dreams i laugh
and in person you are still an apparition
you are flimsy and easily copied

and here i am writing this
instead of telling you all to your faces
just how much you waste my time
i would rather just keep the space very spacious
between you and i

» Posted By stargirl On 10.13.2014 @ 6:51 am


i wonder how many times i have lost my ground
fallen from flat earth to flat earth
lost my balance and never found it
but i don’t really care
because what is my age even for?
i have lived a million lives through these decades
and my favorite is in the clouds
my home the sky
ten thousand feet above
all the way up where i can’t breathe
where i can’t stand
where i can’t think of you or him or her or them
i am the stars my body is celestial
my blood the wish you make at night
and i wish i might
pave the milky way
with each of my lonely brain waves

» Posted By stargirl On 10.01.2014 @ 8:35 am



tie me up and toss the key
(i won’t let my back bone shrink)
i was arrested for bad habits and
sad attempts at trying
i can change i can change
i won’t snap
i won’t take every thing to heart
won’t lock up my heart even if
i’m locked into you
when did i become so serious?
need to stretch these muscles into words
i can feel the weight dripping off my shoulders
loosen up stretch relax breathe the longest breath
time is elastic and i am constantly bending backwards
to catch it, to close the portal for a little while
you know there is no other side
there is no other heart than mine
And the sound of my soul
is a crackling, a spark that once sputtered
now lit and out of control
a permanent fire of song and hunger
i ache for more world

» Posted By stargirl On 09.29.2014 @ 8:30 am


out of this world
i thought i knew you
but wouldn’t that be the truth?
and that is just something we don’t do
we hide how we feel
between the palms of our hands
pressed together
sweat beads and breaks the bond
worlds away and i still feel everything i once hid
i am in constant denial
deny me deny me
go back in time and hide me

» Posted By stargirl On 09.15.2014 @ 6:43 am


Man I just woke up and I
Don’t feel like talking
The sleep in my eyes came from my brain I’m
Sure you can tell last night was hell

» Posted By stargirl On 07.23.2014 @ 2:07 pm


I thought it was a trick
Your treat to me
I am speechless sick
Only leaving lost words
I ship them out to sea
To you
Floating patiently to shore
But my message melts to sand
And I can not seem to keep my
Head above water I’m dreading the
Day I sink I’m thrashing trying to trap
Air in my lungs my ankles feel like weights
I have been waiting for you to hear me
But I just keep fucking talking
And sometimes I don’t even know
If I’m saying things aloud or in my head
Sometimes i will ask a question
Clear as day
To the person next to me
And they just literally
Do not respond
I don’t want to always have to yell

» Posted By stargirl On 07.22.2014 @ 11:25 pm


Transparency was never me
I don’t think
Actually maybe I am easy to read
Easily seen through
What does my heart look like?
What does my soul taste like?
I think its going sour
I think I’m going bad
Try me
Go farther
Father please baptize me
I am sick
My mind is ill
You told me when I was ten that
I was washed clean
In that tin tub big enough for two
What was it you mumbled in tongue as I went under?
“Mother Father save her save this girl from her undying sins
Wash the filth from her skin
This pool is filled with water from the garden hose
That belongs to the church so that makes it holy so that makes her pure
Heavenly Father make this child pure I’m sure she needs to be born again free her from her mind and replace it with Proverbs replace her soul with the lord’s and comand her to worship at your feet”
Well it didn’t fucking work – you gave me a certificate of baptism I hung it on my bedroom wall and stared at that shit daily to make my parents happy
I never felt a thing

» Posted By stargirl On 05.24.2014 @ 9:28 pm


your veins are artwork meant for the most prestigious museums but
somehow they ended up inside of you, showing through your flesh
and one at a time i started to notice them – connected canals and rivers
your reddest and bluest passions flowing beneath your scarred skin
these vessels caught my eye on the rainiest of days – one, first, protruding from your fore arm
that i had never seen before and like shooting stars showing one by one as your fist grew tighter and tighter
i kissed them and felt your pulse against my once dead lips

the world’s most beautiful piece of art exists inside of you

» Posted By stargirl On 05.23.2014 @ 11:56 pm


coil and weep
none of us deserves anything
i can’t deny i’ve been crying away most of my feelings
why the fuck am i always so sensitive?
my hands are cracking from over working
my insides are strong i’ve been breathing for
almost twenty one years —
i can’t grow tired yet

» Posted By stargirl On 05.22.2014 @ 5:06 pm


i should have never had any expectations
never dreamt of it before it happened
i’ve crossed countless imaginary social lines,
an easy fall from grace
transgression came naturally for me
i won’t pretend to be innocent
to let slip the sins i’ve committed
or sedate all the pain that i’ve created
i made you cry more times than necessary
i have a knack for destroying things
and people
when you remind me
“lead us not into temptation, but deliver us
from evil”
you make that forbidden fruit so much sweeter.
(do not repent me for all that i’ve done)
for it is true i am so tempted so bent
but i am not shattered
i picked myself up
with a little help rough help
black and blue
finally, i am no longer you
but i am truly angry
and i haven’t forgotten to put up a fight
my fists are clenched but gentle
aware and at ease
i still break everything i touch
and i ran into the wall in my hallway three times yesterday
sliced my finger while cooking dinner
and didn’t even think about slicing my wrists
i’d say i’m doing okay
my laughter isn’t my defense
there are no mechanics in my body
i am the furthest thing from a machine
robotic gestures end at my front door
i don’t allow that bullshit any more no longer
filter out honesty,
you could say i’ve learned my lesson
but i am a patient waiting impatiently for
the next time i fuck up
no doubt i am going to fuck this all up
and i am not scared i am not tired of fighting
i fought the law
and watched the law run
away cower and obey me
my rules my battle
at war with the war inside my rattled soul
i let drip away the doctrine of divine belief
and started thinking for myself
i guess i expected myself to give up
to get stuck, but i’ve made the decision
to continue being a mess
a rainbow of emotion
a wildcard
i can’t hide how i feel
i really do destroy myself

» Posted By stargirl On 05.05.2014 @ 2:42 pm


You can let the darkness consume you
That’s your choice
But make sure you love yourself
And don’t deny the light

I don’t feel like telling you how i feel
And i don’t feel like lying
I am so confused constrained by what ifs
I find myself when I’m lost
More often than not

Maybe i just need a stronger cup of coffee

In my head I’m full
Fully alone
And around people i empty
And it’s tiring
They drain me
Pick me dry

Need time
To rejuvinate
Sometimes loneliness is my
One true friend

» Posted By stargirl On 04.29.2014 @ 11:36 am

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