Comments Posted By haywirehay
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GIVE IT UP.
She wanted it etched into her skin with a deep dark knife. Maybe she would change, but would likely only remember until the blood stopped flowing.
“I can only see red, anyways.”
You will never break free. It will never stop. Stoop. Come walk all over me. It wasn’t until she reached the end that she realized she was looking into a mirror.
How do I give up all of myself and become nothing? How do I become someone? How can I? I am drawn.
» Posted By haywirehay On 03.22.2016 @ 5:25 pm
She told me to be still. I crouched there in the must of the barn, wishing I hadn’t turned my heel. Wishing I had waited. Wishing a lot of things, actually.
Smoke was in the air. I tried to breathe deep. Maybe if there was a campfire in my lungs, it would all be over.
Cackling flame brought back memories of another life. Another time. Another person, really. If I could go back to how I was back then, maybe the scales on my eyes would help me burst through, rise up like some great phoenix, and burn the hell out of everything so we could get away.
» Posted By haywirehay On 12.26.2015 @ 12:12 pm
I think of the little things that slay you. Maybe an unclasped hand, or a forgotten heart. But when I really wrap my mind around it, it’s unchecked words or something else that gets to them.
I see it all end the same way so often. But it never really lays the same in my hand, when it’s the end of the day, the locker slams, and it echoes because there is no one soft to absorb the sound.
I can take another step, another step, and find myself nowhere. I end in contradictions right where I started. I would give anything for some sort of tell-tale heart.
» Posted By haywirehay On 06.02.2015 @ 6:12 pm
“Where are they coming from?” I asked in a low, urgent tone.
“Shut up,” Laura snarled. She had her fingers curled in her hair, hunched over, she looked completely and violently ill. But her eyes were glowing that fierce red, and my hair stood on edge. She was deeper beyond the Veil than I had ever seen her go. How far could she see, with the Sight? There was no way to tell.
I heard an echoing shout in the room to our left. Laura’s eyes snapped back to normal. She rose to her feet, staggered, but I caught her.
“They have us surrounded,” she said, bleakly, and I knew all was lost.
» Posted By haywirehay On 08.07.2014 @ 10:49 am
“Do you think if I yell loud enough, someone will hear me?” I asked, but I heard only the sound of all the colors.
I thought the rainbow would keep me company, there in the garden, but the only thing that changed was my outlook. I could look up into the sky and see blue, endless blue, and it would stay that way until I decided that the sky could be anything. It could be orange. It could be red.
It could be violet.
“Do not tempt me,” I said, then, and instead of fighting the loneliness, I decided to become it.
» Posted By haywirehay On 07.12.2014 @ 9:02 pm
I reached out with fingertips of frosted ice. When I made contact, something flushed through my body, something warm.
“Is this what it feels like to be adored?” I murmurred.
“No,” he said, and he stepped away. “It is what it feels like to be loved.”
The difference between the two was something I could not yet comprehend at that point. It would be like trying to explain the difference between rain and water. One could not exist without the other, but with each, a certain element of pressure.
And pressure was something I was used to. I gave him a look. I looked him in the eyes. Could he see through me like a plane of icy glass?
“Well then,” I said, with a voice full of certainty. “I love you.”
» Posted By haywirehay On 07.11.2014 @ 11:07 pm
By the time I met you, it was too late in the day to go anywhere else than Fat Mike’s Donut Shop. I didn’t know where else to go. The probability that you would find me attractive was just too far out of the sphere of my understanding. Math, I understood. Problems, logic, that sort of thing. But what I couldn’t understand was a girl with ash-brown hair and bright green eyes who wore big sweatshirts and laughed at the things I said, even when they weren’t particularly funny.
You took a bite out of your donut, turned it on its side, and made Pac-Man noises.
Impossible. This couldn’t be happening. You were everything.
» Posted By haywirehay On 07.10.2014 @ 9:25 am
There was something off about the way that he was looking at me. The more I stared at him, the more his face seemed to melt, and his features seemed to blend together into a pot of emotions, feelings, and memories. I wanted nothing more than to look away, but I couldn’t. People talk about freight trains, crashes, that sort of thing when they say they couldn’t look away, but with this — I really just felt stuck.
I was going to die this way, wasn’t I? Staring into the face of the unknown horror, fearing beyond fear itself that I would find some of myself in his mess.
» Posted By haywirehay On 07.08.2014 @ 12:55 pm
I never meant to start before the stop was set in place. I found nothing to hold me back there at the starting block, save for the lead feeling in my heart that ran all the way to the soles of my feet. Ready. Ready. Set. Set. Stay, hold on a moment. Did I leave the stove on at home? What a thing to think of at this moment, on the break of everything. Flood the engine of your heart, stop and stay a while. No. We are just seconds away from erupting into a gale of force, into a ball of physics, into a breadbowl of energy.
» Posted By haywirehay On 02.24.2014 @ 8:55 pm
There was something slightly off about that afternoon. It was almost like I had slipped down the rung of a rather unforgiving ladder. Everything felt slanted sideways, shifted slightly to either the left or the right. Ten degrees off of Okay. That’s how I would have described it.
“What’s wrong?” said he.
“Nothing,” said I, but it was a lie.
I think we concluded the day’s festivities with the ding of the bell. The harsh sort of bell, not the pleasant, melodic one. I realized in that moment the price of being tardy when it comes to matters of the heart.
» Posted By haywirehay On 02.22.2014 @ 5:08 pm
Don’t let go, don’t let go. Look at me. Look at me. It’s happening now — it’s happening fast. Stay strong, stay calm. Look at me. You will be okay. You will be fine. I love you. You are everything you need. Do not look back. Do not look behind you. Do not think about me, do not think about us. You will be okay. Just believe me. Trust me, if you ever loved me, if you ever believed anything about us or this life, just believe me. You will be okay. Okay? Do you understand? Okay. You can let go, now. Baby, it’s time to let go.
» Posted By haywirehay On 02.11.2014 @ 8:35 pm
There was something about being there, that I found fulfilling and exotic. Things whizzed around. I saw space from outside the port window, but I knew how far away we were from the Outer Edge. This was the life of the exclusive, this was the life of the rich, and I was able to experience it — through him. I felt like Cinderella. I felt like once the clock struck twelve, that I would turn back into a pumpkin .. or whatever the equivalent for that is, in space. In any case, these people were here to entertain us, to entertain me. I had better fill my glass and let it all spill out.
» Posted By haywirehay On 02.09.2014 @ 9:02 am
I watch them file in line. One step, two steps, one foot in front of the other. There is something off about it all. The screams. The lights. The cameras. Maybe it’s the lack of action. One dot next to the other, connected only by a song, a verse, a chorus that I did not write but that I still have to see put into action. But this is what it means to be famous, and so I will take it. Or, rather, this is what it means to be ten degrees off of famous. This is what it’s like to not be first place, or second place — but somewhere into third. A bronze medal for life. I guess that’s what you get for not looking both ways before you cross the street.
» Posted By haywirehay On 02.07.2014 @ 2:43 pm
You draw the blinds and I fall into you. I kiss what is left of us, and give you a pat on the back. Good job. Nice run. Good plays. Let’s box it all up and do it again next week, next month, next year. There’s something comforting about the mess, about the way you left me. Something nice in the fact that we can never see it be this way again. Folds will fall into folds and dust will compile onto dust, and there will be nothing but neatness if we continue on this way. There is stubble around your smile. There is a greased slickness to you while we say, we can shower later, the game is on.
» Posted By haywirehay On 02.03.2014 @ 5:14 pm
Ten little trees overlooking the ridge. The first was the tallest, the proudest, the longest, the loudest. He said things that the others did not hear, for he had his head in the clouds. The second was smaller, wider, wanted to fly farther, higher, but could not for she was buried too deep in the ground. The third was absurd, a strange reach far from others, in his own side of the forest. The fourth was the worst, angry unsorted, wishing for something beyond what was there. The fifth and the sixth, were twins from their birth. Unwilling to be unearthed. The seventh through the ninth were the most sporting of pines, the kindest and wisest. The tenth is me, and I say to you why the story of these ten little pines.
» Posted By haywirehay On 10.08.2013 @ 12:47 pm
I gasped and scraped my belly on the desert, rough, torn, searing. I gasped for water that I could not drink. I have been cast out and torn down from the place of resting, but something keeps me pressing on.
Where are you, O Lord? I hear the cry somewhere in the back of my mind. Between the water turning into wine and the many lions dens, I think I lost my way. But here I am, a prophet, a preacher, a Queen, a harlot, not a virgin but a victor, in this place with He who loves me.
» Posted By haywirehay On 09.26.2013 @ 10:55 am
I screamed when you slipped out of my hands. I saw you plunge, I saw the cliff face rise up to meet you, but you somehow twisted in the air and you landed on your feet. The force of the blow shattered something in you that you were not prepared to lose, and it affected your foundation, your standing, how you viewed yourself and how I could never look at you the same, but you adapted.
“We change or we die!” had always been the motive on your lips, but it changed for real after that day. Everything was different between us. You never asked me to come play, and there was always a hitch in your step. I would like to think that varied thoughts are a healing salve, but in reality, those just become lies.
» Posted By haywirehay On 09.18.2013 @ 12:09 pm
It was a little scary to take the plunge, but I think I did okay. The water closed in over my head and I begin to feel that sort of weightlessness that you always heard talk about, but you don’t ever experience until you take the plunge, over the side of the boat, and into the unknown.
They told me that everything would be okay, but before I could really register what was happening, the feeling of drowning filled me. It filled my lungs, filled my entire body, from my toes to the ends of my hair. And although I know I should have flailed, although I know I should have done something about it, I let it happen. I let the fire rip my lungs apart and darkness, a throbbing painful sort of blackness took me over.
I sank, I did not float.
» Posted By haywirehay On 09.17.2013 @ 4:23 pm
It’s getting old, this routine. All the pens and the papers and the trips to the offices. I wish I could just find another way to get through to you, without the trails and the ordered cars and the wishes and the publicity. What sort of debates do you think we’re going to win, staying up this late? Where could I go to try and get you to see things my way?
There is a different forum for our sort of pain, our sort of arguments. I wish I could find another way to make you see what I mean when I say. In any case, I will be going now. Meeting adjourned.
» Posted By haywirehay On 09.15.2013 @ 8:34 pm
There’s something wrong with me, with how I feel. A quivering sensation in the back of my mind. It cools what’s hot, and heats me up when I am alone. There is a sensation that I have been missing, and it started somewhere deep inside me, grounded around me, raised and grown and nurtured. There is something that I would like to call “joy” and that joy comes from my relationship with you.
I lost my way, like a bird on the path of the storm. But I still find merit in you, in me, in we.
» Posted By haywirehay On 09.14.2013 @ 11:22 am
“I MADE THIS FOR YOU!” I want to scream it, I want to thrust the box of potted plants into your arms, I want you to see what I have done, but the plants are rotting, they are withering away and they have not moved and I am afraid.
I am a voice that will not be raised. I am something else from the shorter times, from the waiting, and from all that other stuff that I can’t talk about. But still, I am here for you. And even if I have to look both ways before I cross my heart, I think that I will still stay here, for you, at least.
And not for plants, and not for doubt, but for we.
» Posted By haywirehay On 09.11.2013 @ 3:23 am
AHH! Don’t tell them that we are here. I could only get away for one moment. But I saw the look in your eyes, I saw you wave for me. I could not say no, but I do not think they will let me say yes.
I digress. Here I am. I am yours, use me as you need me. Whether as an instrument of death or a tool for some greater purpose.
We will fly far above the accolades into a place where neither time nor space can drive us apart. Who are we? Who are YOU. I think that really is the better question. Who are you to come calling?
» Posted By haywirehay On 08.13.2013 @ 10:06 am
Sure. Whatever. Go on, knock yourself out.
Such an admission of contrition is what makes these iceballs melt.
Why do I even try? Where can your attitude come from, if not a place from passion? There is something in your eyes even as you look away. Don’t let her say what she means to say.
You have no focus. No drive, no desire. Lazy fool. Sure.
Let the timer tick on for no reason other than your own.
» Posted By haywirehay On 12.31.2012 @ 8:31 am
It is with a thunderous clash that I arrive onto the scene. Shaking hands, quaking hearts. They are in my head again, the voices, and it is all I can do to appease them.
How are you? I am well. I am FANTASTIC. I could NOT BE BETTER.
If you yell things in your head sometimes the echoes stay with you for a later, more private date.
And yet I see them shrinking away, even as I grow larger within my mind. I see you, I see them, I see me. There is nothing but ripped up shreds of confetti on the floor of your party heart.
» Posted By haywirehay On 10.15.2012 @ 6:51 am
Hello, old friend, how have you been, just fine, that’s good.
Crying on the inside.
There’s something about biting into the core of an apple that didn’t fall to far from the tree that makes me feel free. There is a world of refreshing “I Told You Sos” out there that we can only imagine.
Stand by me and you’ll see that there’s no other way.
Will you regret it? Probably. But you’ll be leafy green with envy,
» Posted By haywirehay On 10.11.2012 @ 6:23 am
“Cleverrr,” she drawled, four claws digging into the ceiling. “Clever girl. Clever, clever girl.”
Did she see what I did there? I tried not to look her in the eye. I hadn’t screamed for help, because I knew no more articulate way to say it than to weep.
She had caused so much pain in the span of an hour. There was no way to stop her, or to strike back. I could only watch as she scaled this tower and found no resistance in either my heart or my soul.
From the realm of this city, to the next one. From twin peaks, twin spires, twin towers, I would remember her.
» Posted By haywirehay On 09.11.2012 @ 12:39 pm
Did you ever wonder why they came for me?
What caused them to drive me down, to spit in my face, though I had done nothing but love you?
It is the way of the world. The law of equivalent exchange, we call it. You put yourself in this mess, and I came for you. I will lead you on the path to freedom, if you will have me.
Such a simple thing you would have to give up, too, my child, my dear, my only.
All I ask is for yourself.
“It is too much!” I cry, curled in the basement of this forever prison. “Without me, who do I have?”
» Posted By haywirehay On 08.30.2012 @ 9:18 am
Shiny glossy versions of me. Photoshopped beauty in plastic images. My face splayed, put on display, fodder for young girls more vulnerable than me. I see you paging through, I see you caging, caging yourself and wondering why you can’t be me.
I wish I could be me, too. You have no clue what I try to be I just wish you could see.
» Posted By haywirehay On 08.29.2012 @ 9:25 am
YOU WILL NEVER, he blared, with all the raging tenderness of a runaway freight train, EVER EVER BE ANYTHING WORTH LOOKING FOR.
I wondered quietly, can a search engine find love?
Churning on towards the great unknown. Towards a bus of children, who knows. Unknown. That’s what it is. But you are the great roadblock to this, to me, to where we are now.
NEVER EVER EVER EVER AND EVER. HALLELUJIAH, AMEN.
You spelled that wrong! She said to me, as I stood on the edge of infinity.
» Posted By haywirehay On 08.28.2012 @ 9:12 am
Back To Stats Page
We are made of the same bits of junk. We are patched together with the spit of our fathers. We are melded, molded, not with care and precision but with the thought that we would fit in the bin better, this way.
It doesn’t add up, how entitled we feel, sometimes, and how easily our lives can be disposed.
Stop being human. Get used to living in fear. Make a change, if you want, but we all cash out in the end, anyways.
You are nothing. We are nothing. You are not anything.
» Posted By haywirehay On 08.26.2012 @ 9:33 pm