Comments Posted By cosmic

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I scanned the words
of one of my last posts.

It was about my sister.

I forgot how i used to think about her
with rage red and hot

now my feelings towards her have cooled
and hardened a bit

i no longer fear her

I pity her and love her,
at a far, far distance,

where her words and actions lose their sting.

» Posted By cosmic On 01.22.2019 @ 7:42 pm


Ride a tandem,
when there’s no one around?
pull yourself up by your bootstraps
they said
but what happens
when you can’t ride the bike
by yourself?

» Posted By cosmic On 04.27.2015 @ 10:23 pm


so many variations on the theme

» Posted By cosmic On 03.27.2014 @ 5:09 am

the clouds had turned a pretty pink-gold and for a minute i was overwhelmed by just how pretty the sky had become. reluctantly, i turned back to the task at hand – hanging up the laundry. you’d think that in 2014 there aren’t any people who actually hand up laundry, what with a dryer in every house and all, but you’d be wrong.

» Posted By cosmic On 03.27.2014 @ 5:06 am


we shouldn’t
define ourselves by our hardships
but what we do in the face of them
said a wise man

but it’s hard to be righteous
in the face of violence
it can make you go against
your own creed
the nature of your soul

am i not to be proud
of standing up for myself
when no one else did
even if it was wrong?

should i have instead
as the one i was named after
demurely taken my punishment
that i never deserved?

thinking of hardships
will make you hard
but you can’t forget
what happened
how you felt

so let them define me
as petty malevolent and mad
even when i was
so brave temperate and sad

» Posted By cosmic On 02.13.2014 @ 8:13 pm


She never meant to harm she says
she was harmed she says
but the bruises on my cheeks
filled my soul with empty grey?

I harmed her she says
she was harmed she says
tell that to my diary,
is it filled with lies or is she?

I’m the crazy one she says
she was harmed she says
who can i believe
her words or my memories?

You’re the crazy one i whisper
i was harmed I whisper
she was crazy and she harmed
I was harmed and made crazy

she was harmed she said
no i said

» Posted By cosmic On 01.15.2014 @ 7:46 pm


You Cut out her heart
Put it on a string
She was your puppet
From the very beginning

You could’ve been nicer
But you were always drunk
Your numb mind couldn’t decipher
That she’d been sunk

You were too conceited
To see through the facade
So her,you treated ,
As if she could withstand all

You knew it was wrong
That She deserved better
But that didnt stop you
From breaking her forever

Yeah you strung her along
Not looking at the cracks
On her abused heart
And all over that mask

You thought she’d let you go
But she holds on to that string
She’s not as strong as you’d think

» Posted By cosmic On 06.16.2013 @ 11:02 pm


Do not try to find me
Beneath the trees’ shadows,
hidden from your screaming wind,
i am covered by angels
protected from your cold and sin.

Do not try to find me
In these days warm and sunny
I am below the earth
the dirt and bedrock protects me
from your laughter and mocking mirth

Do not try to find me
here or anywhere,
any day or night,
this world is who renounced me
I am hiding from your spite

Do not try to find me,
as if you even care
I know the truth and I know you
you only pretend,
and that’s unfair.

» Posted By cosmic On 06.09.2013 @ 8:21 am


is a bond
of the womb
you are not
my sister
we share blood
(blood that you spilled)
but you never
treated me like a sister
to you i was:
a nuisance
a game
you paid attention to me
when it was convenient for you
well, here’s what i say:
you’re a nuisance
i won’t be a part of your game
and if you try
to spill my blood again
I’m going to finally
fight back

not even shared blood
can save you now
because the water of the womb
cannot quench my hatred
of you

» Posted By cosmic On 06.01.2013 @ 9:21 pm


my heart is shattered,
she is gone.
she had been mine
for so long.
all good things
must come to an end,
but i never thought
i’d lose my best friend.
through thirteen years
her soul adhered
to mine own;
now i can’t stand
to be alone.
her great brown eyes
haunt my dreams.
my soul is ripping
at its seams.
but i lay her down,
and closed her eyes,
kissed her on the cheek,
and said goodbye.
her soft face
was hardened in death,
as I buried her,
covered in sweat.
but still she haunts
my daily life,
i see her in
the corner of my eye.
(she is smiling,
and wagging her tail,
and she says, I miss you
but I’m happier here)

» Posted By cosmic On 05.26.2013 @ 8:59 pm


I can feel it in the air
like that strange calm
before the storm.
something’s going to happen, he says.
no duh, a storm.
no, he says, something more
a disaster, he says
that’s specific.
he frowns,
just pretend, please.
Fine. a giant turtle will eat all the grass in the entire world
he scoffs,
no. more like
an apocalypse,
when everyone
in the world
will hold their breath
as that feeling overcomes them
because they know
will happen and it
will be bad
and nothing will
ever be the same.
yes, like a storm.
A worldwide storm? nothing ever the same?
you’re impossible.

» Posted By cosmic On 03.25.2013 @ 6:24 pm


Curtains blowing in the breeze,
Footprints in the sand.
you cannot go on in life,

so it is largely unplanned:
you’ll gracefully cast yourself
Into the silent, dark ocean.

there’ll be little commotion,
soon overtaken by everlasting peace,
as you lie upon the water

floating past this disease.
to do this you were compelled:
to end the anxiety,

so the water will make your body swell,
and unrecognizable you’ll be,
but swallow down the salty tears,

because you’ll finally be free.

» Posted By cosmic On 03.19.2013 @ 6:14 pm


Do you really think
you can handle this?
Sweetie, I wrote
the book on lies
so much sweeter
Fantasies stay in a mind
Can’t wait for it this time
Ignorance is bliss
and it will stay
that way
if I have a say
you can’t handle the truth
so buh-bye
I’m gone with my dreams
I’ve got the means
You can’t escape
your mouth is agape
Have fun with the lies
what a surprise
(ever thought
this is what you deserved?
well I’ve observed,
and you do.
about you that
I know is true)

» Posted By cosmic On 03.18.2013 @ 6:12 pm


I am withering away
like a dandelion in the breeze
can’t you see?
If I disperse
in all the cardinal directions
how will I ever be able to
find myself again?
You don’t understand
health is everything
and I am
It’s not my fault,
it’s this disease
I’m tired of people
telling me
to get over it
because I can’t
when my body and mind
are withering away,
just one little breeze
makes me sway,
and a gust will surely
and No one can save me
if I am already rotting on the ground

» Posted By cosmic On 03.10.2013 @ 8:07 pm


I can still conjure your image
straight from thin air
(you took away my breath
from the first day I saw you)
Your eyes appear first
crinkled like half-moons,
brown like the dirt
from which flowers grow,
and in their mixed color
I see your soul
(mixed too)
your smile
laugh lines lopsided
as if you laughed so hard once,
you stretched your mouth,
like a rubber tree,
and it no longer fit right
(in my nightmares
your lopsided smile
is a Glasgow grin)
and it is gleaming,
like a hook,
I was caught instantly
your cheeks,
brighter than the sun
reflecting off golden wood,
gaunt as a dead garden but
rose-red with laughter
your skin slowly sinks
around these features
filling in with bronze
perfect as if you were
a figurine
your hair
blacker than a starless night,
blacker than the darkest hour
before rosy dawn,
framing your face
like the masterpiece it is.
The rest
never mattered
because all I saw
was your face
all I ever see
is your face
(tear-stains still dripping down
to your bloody,bloody face
I’m sorry I ruined it so)

» Posted By cosmic On 03.01.2013 @ 9:24 pm


Everyone embellishes,
so it’s fine if I do…
innocent as the acid
I swear I’ll never pour in your eyes
who said darkness is bad,
when white is the color of the snow
that kills the grass
that’s a lie

» Posted By cosmic On 02.24.2013 @ 6:17 pm


Don’t you see?
This is an ocean
You can’t escape
Flail all you want
It doesn’t care
It’s the ocean
You’re just a speck of sand
on a beach.
You are nothing
There are things bigger than you,
stronger than you
and there is nothing you can do.
(but it’s okay because the sun
will shine on your bloated body
and maybe, somewhere,
someone will cry over you
and then you’ll return back to the earth
like you were meant to
[it gave you life now it wants it back])

» Posted By cosmic On 02.18.2013 @ 10:20 pm


This fatigue is taking over me
This is my final decree.
My head is clouded from lack of sleep
All I do is weep and weep.

I wait for these meds to work out right,
but time simmers so slowly this very night.
No lover can withhold my pain,
here I am doomed to remain.

I lie alone, trembling in my bed,
there’s a pounding in my head
demons use my body then wish to be let out
I fear they’ll escape from my shouts.

The night leaks into day
To sleep I have not been swayed
There are no lullabies for me
dark teeth gnashing is all I foresee

Perhaps when Winter’s darkness is gone,
I’ll soon wake to Spring’s lovely song.
You see, I am a Persephone,
The seasons are an awful pass for me.

In Winter, I languish, nightmare-covered,
Temptations and vices are my lovers,
but Summer brings me back to life,
I am the sun’s effervescent wife.

In this cycle I am caught,
A lobster waiting to be bought,
The seasons cycle, and it can’t be mend.
(not with any amount of medicine)

based on seasonal affective disorder, nightmares,sleep paralysis and other sleep disorders.

» Posted By cosmic On 02.17.2013 @ 7:27 pm


I don’t try to hid behind a mask,
This is really what I think,
Well, I feel torn between two,
I feel my mind is on the brink

Angels cry because of my ways,
let out demons of mine I’d sworn I’d someday slay
This is a war that has occurred before,
been jotted down for centuries as lore.

A person’s mind is a battlefield,
Lores’ authors acknowledge this behest,
written on paper and stone, with bone or ink,
Their minds seem to also be on the brink
(I must not be as alone as I think)

Yet my demons know what I do and say,
They’ve damned me as their prey,
The Angels leave me, yet cry and moan,
bordering on the brink, I’m still as stone.

Suddenly,there is a burst of insight,
My demons still hang above me in my peripheral sight,
and after the brink, the abyss looms below,
but I now see I have a long way to go.

The Angels’ cries turn to song,
maybe it’s been this way all along,
maybe in darkness there is light
Maybe the brink teaches you to fight.

» Posted By cosmic On 01.23.2013 @ 1:12 pm


The only thing that could possibly satisfy me is holding your dying body, as you whisper all your regrets to me, and I’ll forgive you for the last time. I’m so tired of forgiving and, then,you’ll never again do anything to be sorry for… It’s better this way.

» Posted By cosmic On 11.19.2012 @ 7:37 pm


I thought things would be different,
but this feeling never goes away.
I thought things would be better
but hope is just so fake.

I thought there would be happiness
but disappointment is left in my wake.
I thought this feeling would disappear
but it remains unwavering and near.

I thought I would find true love
but I only found true doubt.
I thought he would understand,
but he excuses himself.

I thought I would be happy
I thought things would be fine
I thought everything would work out
by about this time.

But I was wrong, and after so long…
I’ve changed. Strange.
I never thought I would become this,
but depression brings such pain.

» Posted By cosmic On 11.17.2012 @ 9:56 pm


The wound was fresh in her chest. He could still hear those screams, echoing all around his skull, and he slowly slumped to the floor, dazed. Killing was easy, but the aftermath… that was hard. No more adrenaline. Just remorse, the picking up of a body -no a corpse, there was no spirit in it- and blood. Red, red blood. As red as Isis, as red as an apple, as red as giving into temptation.

» Posted By cosmic On 10.10.2012 @ 8:19 pm


When her depression was finally gone, she realized she could no longer write. She stared at her page filled with strange lines and signs and scratches of a pen, and realized she could never again turn what used to be letters and words into something meaningful.

» Posted By cosmic On 10.01.2012 @ 6:37 pm


Everyone’s family is a bit dysfunctional. It’s just that some find out when they’re kids, and others find out when they’re thrust into a strange world – called adulthood.

» Posted By cosmic On 09.12.2012 @ 9:10 pm


Where are you? I keep looking and you’re not here. You never come. You’re late. Did your train get delayed? Did you catch the wrong plane? Are you in the wrong place? Are you ever getting here? You know, by the time you do, I might not even need you. Things could have changed. You could be of no use anymore. Timing is everything, really. And you just don’t seem to be very good at it.

» Posted By cosmic On 09.03.2012 @ 8:04 pm


Want? Ha. What I Want, I can’t have. That’s why it’s called a Want. If I already had it, I would no longer Want it. If I had needed it, and not gotten it, then I would not be alive. Why Want? What does it do? Does it give us hope for the future? Does it force us to see the next morning light, because our business is not yet done? Does Want give us aspirations to make life seem more linear, when in reality, life is a never ending circle, an ouroboros; and like that insatiable snake, our Wants are always our own downfalls through avarice. Why Want? It often becomes a circle of greed, but it moves us along to the next dawn. Want is not evil, I see that at last. No one is inherently evil, just inherently self-preserving.

» Posted By cosmic On 08.14.2012 @ 10:52 pm


I sat on the high banks of a stream, the current lazily twisting here and there. A frog plopped into the water, startled by my roaming hand, which was softly stroking a daisy nearby. My feet hung off the bank, allowing my toes to make small ripples in the water.The wind gently teased my hair until I had a halo of frizzies, and went on to softly caress my face. Suddenly, the sky grew dark, and I ripped the daisy out of the ground, dirt still clinging hopelessly to the daisy’s roots. The wind slapped my face, the water drowned my feet, and the frog emerged to the surface, dead.

» Posted By cosmic On 08.13.2012 @ 3:10 pm


It was just the concept of the thing. We hadn’t fought physically since we were little girls, so why was I so afraid? I screeched like a banshee and thrashed about like a captured wild animal. I climbed on top of the roof and tried to fly away. Maybe what scared me was the memories of other fights, with other sisters, ones with sharp knives and even sharper tongues. “Trauma,” he said, but I don’t feel traumatized. I just feel trapped. No where to go, even though that sharp sister is gone.

» Posted By cosmic On 08.12.2012 @ 5:31 pm


Saturday breezed in calmly that morning, and I leisurely awoke to the sun filling my room with light. Sleep cracked in my eyes as I opened them, and there was a sandy taste in my mouth. I sat up, slowly stretching my arms behind me. I was about to softly pad to my door, but I realized… HOLY CRAP LOOK AT THAT SPIDER! IT’S A FREAKIN’ TARANTULA! AHHH WHY IS IT ON MY PILLOW AHHHH! I SLEPT WITH A SPIDER NEXT TO MY FACE AHHHHH!!

» Posted By cosmic On 06.29.2012 @ 3:05 pm


Full warm bowl of soup, steam curls around your face, cold and red from hours in the snow, as you breathe in its intoxicating scent. Made especially for you by Baba (“You’re too skinny! Eat more! Don’t play outside in the winter! And never,never go outside with wet hair, you’ll catch a cold!”). Chunks of chicken, squiggly noodles, bits of carrots, and you slurp them up, feeling the hot liquid travel down your throat, slowly warming every part of your body. Dip in a bit of homemade bread, soak up the remaining broth and herbs, chomp, gulp, empty warm bowl.

» Posted By cosmic On 06.25.2012 @ 6:43 pm

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