Comments Posted By cmsiena

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I imagine you sitting in the study, leather chair and mahogany shelving. You’re staring out the window behind the desk, into the woods, hands folded. Pensive. Unwinding all your dreams from where they lay curled up in the corners of this large, empty house. Lost in the silence, the space, the gaps where love should be.

» Posted By cmsiena On 01.23.2015 @ 5:21 pm


Somewhere in all this, my brain and my heart have become an integrated thing, a monster with scaly hands and reaching arms, calculating the fastest way to catch its prey and drink the blood. I am older and wiser and put together, and that is when I transformed into someone lost.

» Posted By cmsiena On 01.18.2015 @ 3:25 pm


So I am usually able to so gracefully cover up these alarming scars and hurts with my own chainlink fence, my own barbed wire and sharpened tongue. Quick to strike and dart away, like the hornet. Then I hedgehog sleep, curled around in my own insecurities, reluctant to break that hold. But when I wake, my heart is shredded and flaps like rags in the wind, and I know my dreams have betrayed me.

» Posted By cmsiena On 06.08.2013 @ 9:33 am


So I delve into the box, picking up fragments of all the lives that could have been. A card with a heart-turned-mouse sketch, a patch of a flannel red blanket, the broken frame of a pair of dark black glasses, a wine cork, a number on a receipt, and the string off a sweatshirt five sizes too big that I still borrowed. At the bottom, a pair of sunglasses and an unopened envelope.

» Posted By cmsiena On 05.27.2013 @ 3:11 pm


I love that you are human, with your beautiful veins and twitches and sighs. That we share the same airstream, that the ins and outs of your flaws fit like jigsaw pieces against mine. I love the way this is effortless, and even my exasperations vanish in the wake of your wholeness.

» Posted By cmsiena On 05.17.2013 @ 6:01 pm


These are the days when sunlight hits everything and bathes it in blue and green and yellow, and the daffodils bob. The boys are shouting and the girls are laughing. Hands are held on screened in porches, on hanging swings, on patios by grills as the burgers sizzle. The sunglasses come out to shade the windows to the soul and it is summer, so to do anything but love is taboo.

» Posted By cmsiena On 05.13.2013 @ 7:15 pm


I am so lost in my heartache that I forget I am standing at the sink, wringing my hands full of soap over and over while the water runs. Gritting my teeth, I stare at my eyes. Deep down into the dark narrow pupils, I still see the glimmer of your reflection. Other women come and go without a word. They know this need to wash every hint of unfaithful touch from the skin, and so they let me be.

» Posted By cmsiena On 05.09.2013 @ 7:14 pm


It is like the dawn in my heart, where the shadows still clasp in long reaches across a brambly stretch of wilderness. The sun is climbing slowly, a smile that warms all the dark places I tried so very hard to protect. All that sinew is filleted, thin and flaking. Falling apart at your touch, melting under your eyes.

» Posted By cmsiena On 04.28.2013 @ 3:14 am


I stood next to the planter, waiting for you to come to the door. My sunglasses are pink, they glisten and hide the way my eyes dart back in forth. I do not smile, I do not sigh, I simply stand like a statue. For each moment I wait, my doubt grows, creeping like vines up my legs and waist, clinching my arms to my side. I am always afraid you will not answer.

» Posted By cmsiena On 04.24.2013 @ 6:05 pm


And there we stand, am I in checkmate? Where you are silent and I am stone, and just our hearts beat in time. Perhaps this feeling is not solely the right angles of these monochrome checkerboard squares, maybe there is a muddy ruddy gray that just blends all this confusion together. For we could stand, just lips apart, and I could wish you to read this love in my eyes, but you and I both know that there is more between us than just the breath of wind that howls and swirls. I read the signs day after day with nothing but a solitary sigh. No, not checkmate, stalemate, as we wait for a hand to move us together or break us apart.

» Posted By cmsiena On 04.23.2013 @ 7:42 pm


I am holding out this olive branch, crying for you to ignore it completely and take my wrist instead. Begging for your hands to circle my waist, wishing for you to close the gap to breathe me in. The moment in the morning, when you wake, the way that earth and ice melt together with a flicker of sun. All in silence, with the words unspoken ringing in your sleepy eyes, promising without sound that the red dye of our hearts has run together, and we will never be the same.

» Posted By cmsiena On 04.13.2013 @ 9:18 am


You just have to trust me, that deep down in places where I do not show the light, I have a solid core that holds fast against these currents, tries so very hard to do what is best for you, for me, for the gaps inbetween that hang and smudge my eyeliner when I dare entertain the thought that I will never meet another person like you.

» Posted By cmsiena On 04.02.2013 @ 4:19 pm


The dirt under the nails, the sweat trickling down the temple. In this, there is beauty. In this, there is love. Each movement an ode to something greater, each deep breath a second of something lovely bursting into existence. The need to make, to build, to hold, to cherish is the contagious, the plague of Spring.

» Posted By cmsiena On 03.30.2013 @ 3:09 pm


I dream big dreams, of wheat breads, cheesecakes, soup tureens, roasts and frosted cocktails. Of purple and pink hyacinths, of lemon roses and snowy carnations. Of paintings and photos and ceramics and jewelry. But instead I crunch numbers and spreadsheets and the magic of finances, and my dreams stay wrapped in the shadow.

» Posted By cmsiena On 03.29.2013 @ 5:23 pm


I hear the whisper in the back of my head, the one that keeps mumbling and muttering, the low undertone to the screams and chaos and panic I always hear. While the others are clamoring “not good enough, not fit enough, not smooth enough, not even enough, not smart enough, not social enough. Not. Enough,” the littlest of voices hums to me: “Enough. You breathe, you smile, you dance, you sing, you build, you remember, you love. You’ve always been destined to be enough, if only you give yourself the forgiveness and grace to see.”

» Posted By cmsiena On 03.26.2013 @ 4:27 pm


She puts her ear to the door, listening to the sound of the pencil scratching across paper. No matter what she says, he always insists on scrawling each draft in thick block letters. His left hand will be covered in graphite by the end, but it is this determination, this commitment to the work, that makes her fall in love with him again and again.

» Posted By cmsiena On 03.24.2013 @ 7:46 pm


Her boots clicked across the floor, pacing back and forth as she argued. The words were clipped, more growls and sighs of exasperation than complete thoughts. He sat on the couch and sipped his beer, torn between trying to ease her anguish and trying to avoid her wrath.

» Posted By cmsiena On 03.23.2013 @ 6:34 pm


The look on his face was pained, even though he was trying so hard to hide it. She was sitting there across from him, oblivious to how the words she said cut to the quick. Worst of all, she wasn’t even heartless. If she knew, she would keep those thoughts inside, deep below even the dreams, and never bleed him out again. In her own way, she loved him, while I just watched.

» Posted By cmsiena On 03.19.2013 @ 6:49 pm


Truth is there the moment the room goes gray, the sun setting but not in a gold way. There’s a stillness and a tranquility that sits in the silence, but your heart is pounding and your ragged breath grates on your ears. Your eyes blur as you stare in the darkening shadow. The flame extinguishes before your eyes; the steady inhale and exhale ceases. The paleness of skin sets in, the color dissolves from lips, and your tears crash against the floor like indignant waves clamoring for purchase on the shore. When the words dangle in your mouth but there’s no way to purge the depth and breath of this spring inside you, this overwhelming tempest that has nowhere left to go so it hurricanes within. Then the Spectre puts His hand on your shoulder, offering the cold comfort that someday He will come for you, but not today, not now, and He is sorry He can offer no more respite than that. When all the color fades, it is only you and Truth waiting in the bedside chair, and when She offers you Her hand, you feel hardly strong enough to take it. But the hold is solid and tangible, even when it burns your skin, so you let this new mistress haul you from your seat, and your heels click obedient across the cream tiled floor. She cradles you in the car as you cry and cry, She guides your shaky trek home, and as you sleep, She whispers promises that after all you’ve lost, She will never abandon you.

» Posted By cmsiena On 03.18.2013 @ 7:49 pm


She sat in the bathtub, the water long since cold. Her body shivered but her mind was lost, digging through brambles and shadows of memory. Hunting for the elusive moment, when the sun was pouring through the open window in a patchwork quilt of light, the doves attempting to hide on the windowsill, and covert footsteps echoed up through the cobbled streets and stone buildings. The church bells rang and she sat, exposed but liquid warm, and wondered when it was exactly he had stopped making her feel this sacred.

» Posted By cmsiena On 03.16.2013 @ 8:22 pm


The overt smile before the handshake hid the tightness of the grip, the moment of threat and intimidation. The clasp that whispered “Remember who holds the end of your leash. Remember whose favor you have to curry. Remember that I am not afraid to be ruthless.”

» Posted By cmsiena On 03.16.2013 @ 9:49 am


Your heart is like a dragon, fire-blasted and red. Beating with a heat, shimmery smoke intact beneath a scaly outside wall. There are so many things, hidden beneath your fiery protection. So many secrets I would love to steal, but it just beats on and on in the way that hearts do, and I plot my way to confiscate that gem in futility.

» Posted By cmsiena On 03.14.2013 @ 8:09 pm


My heart is in the way the sun is setting as we walk down the street. The gold of the sun catches me between the ephemeral moments between cars and lights and green and pavement. I cannot brook this argument of my soul, pleading its case before the jury of emotions. My mind says you could not feel the rays of light the way I do, and I will never believe beyond all doubt. But I will reread these tea leaves on days standing in the rain, the moment I lowered my eyes and nodded my head, and you agreed. That eternal memory of yes.

» Posted By cmsiena On 03.13.2013 @ 6:58 pm


It’s the way you look up from where you are hunched over that makes me feel able to scale these walls, lift these pounds of heavy slumber from my own shoulders. It is the faith you have in what I could be that makes me think it might be a sliver of the real truth, but only if you will come also.

» Posted By cmsiena On 03.08.2013 @ 4:09 pm


The way I remember what never happened, I speak so loud and full of smiles. Then there is silence, the blankness before you cast out your laugh. And in the pause, in the wait, I fall inside, and that gravity snares you, brings you to me. That is when you pull me close and kiss my nose. That is when I am returned to sure footing. That is when I am whole in this moment of a dream.

» Posted By cmsiena On 03.07.2013 @ 6:47 pm


Here, twenty years later, it’s still the same. We are playing on a jungle gym too big and far from the ground. Our methods of navigating the gaps are the same – we wait, we waver, but we know there is no other way to make it to the other side or go back. So we close our eyes and hope that we are the only ones who know we are in over our heads. That everyone on the ground can’t see our shaking hands.

» Posted By cmsiena On 12.10.2012 @ 6:54 am


My heartbeat is in my throat, the pounding broadcasting my anxiety to the world. I am speechless in your presence, I am lost, I cannot say the things I have been holding in my head, my chest, my every waking moment. My eyes are wide and struggling, shouting the secret as I tremble on the brink. I have never been happier to abandon my senses. I have never wanted more to drift in your echo forever.

» Posted By cmsiena On 12.08.2012 @ 1:35 pm


He sat at the metal table, drawing a picture of a dinosaur roaming through a forest. He was being quiet; he was being good. He was even coloring inside the lines, like his momma always told him he should. Maybe this time they would realize just how well he was behaving and they would let her come to the glass to see him.

» Posted By cmsiena On 11.11.2012 @ 12:02 pm


Waning interest in the feel of your arms, the depth of your smile, mirroring the lax boredom you show. Once it was the epitome of wholeness to be with you. Once it was the sole reason for my heartbeat. But over time, the luster of the novelty wore off, and it was just another curiosity Memory kept on a shelf.

» Posted By cmsiena On 11.03.2012 @ 5:20 pm


They are all fawning, every one, because they know where you stand. On a carefully built foundation. Each brick put in place over the years, cemented by the slow and patient work of daylight hours and love. They beg you to come down, beg you to be one of them, because they want to scramble up in your place.

» Posted By cmsiena On 09.29.2012 @ 4:56 pm

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