Comments Posted By caitlinmonster

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scientific

we are never scalpel sharp or lab coat strict, but we are scientific in our organic grit… the astronomy of your sunspot freckles, the supernovas under our eyelashes, my unrelenting inertia toward you and the homeostasis you have fostered in my blood, the safety we have created in this private biosphere…

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 02.24.2016 @ 3:31 pm

banquet

I have laid a banquet for myself, feasting on bits of gristle and my self-loathing, laid out plates and plates of the things I have done wrong, and every morning I offer myself a cup filled to brimming with those voices telling me I cannot and I cannot and I cannot, and every morning I drain it dry.

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 11.28.2015 @ 1:52 pm

falcon

Like some kind of falcon weaving through clouds and diving into your curled fingers, I have been caught in the sky and wheeling away and back. And how could I know you have been waiting to call me home. I was blind until you undressed my eyes. I am steady only in your hands.

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 02.18.2015 @ 10:42 am

through

the wanting and the not having, the pushing through and the without – the sitting here, the waiting and you are through the next room, through fifteen walls turned to brick – the soldiering through this aloneness, the reaching for you through this fog and the absence of you at the end of my arm

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 02.15.2015 @ 9:14 pm

globe

tracing my fingers along the globe of your back, its spiny mountain ranges and the softness of the ocean between your shoulder blades – you have always been the whole world to me, mapped with little veins like roads pointing me home, steering my ship back to the center of you

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 01.11.2015 @ 10:57 pm

rented

Pressing books to my chest in a rented apartment, pressing impermanence against my skin and hoping this time something (at least) will stick. We are making a home out of a borrowed collection of walls, promising ourselves forever, or for a while.

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 01.06.2015 @ 11:08 am

wintertime

wintertime like mint snowflakes crystallizing on my tongue, and all I am is the lack of you. this week I will find myself in the same places I held your mitten-fingers last year, and I will feel the wind sharper than I did then.

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 12.21.2014 @ 10:34 pm

sweep

winter is time for sweeping
here in Texas, where leaves fall
but snow doesn’t. and we’re left sweeping
old memories into tin cans
and placing them on our bedside tables
and saving them for spring again

the cold fronts are sweeping in
and we are collecting ourselves into dust pans
I am emptying myself into the waste basket
and trying to make room on my skin
for something better than
layers of dead sunburn, and maybe
this winter wind will sweep me up
and spin me into gold

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 09.15.2014 @ 10:31 pm

tailgate

I wanna tailgate you. I never really learned what tailgate meant, because I’m not into football. But it sounds like hanging on to the back of you, probably while you’re speeding forward and I’m along for the ride. And the view doesn’t suck, either. I just wanna grab hold of you and let you do your thing, and I’ll just let the breeze blow through my hair while you run, and I’ll just draft behind you.

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 09.10.2014 @ 9:59 am

pursuit

in pursuit of something less
heart-rip or drenched and panting
in pursuit of stopping, of breathing slow
and waiting
in pursuit of something more
gentle or breeze-kissed
in pursuit of stopping, of breathing slow
in pursuit of waiting
but all I keep doing is running
and hoping for a break soon

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 09.07.2014 @ 11:22 pm

worn

worn like sweater-holes, like your thumbs
pressing through my skin and me
wrapping around your hands

worn like foot soles, like miles
of asphalt without flowers peeking
through the cracks

worn like forgetting you, and then
it’s years later and I’ve worn so many other
people’s sweaters, and I’m

just worn out

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 08.24.2014 @ 10:27 pm

nobody

nobody filled up my skin the way you did
with something empty but breathable
so I felt like I could float
(for the first time, really)
until you left and left nothing inside me
and my skin wrapped around me again, unceremonious
and I was nobody like I was before you showed up

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 08.05.2014 @ 11:00 pm

lofty

perching, I wish, on lofty wisps
of cloud fluff, miles above
this skin, this itch and scratch
I wish I were bird-high and coasting
or climbing, or anything
away from here

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 08.01.2014 @ 8:27 pm

mispelled

everyone misspells my name
but no one did it better than you, back then
shuffling letters in any order, arbitrarily
changing them day by day
however looked prettiest

I guess you thought what I was given at birth
wasn’t enough, didn’t suit you
so you tried to rearrange me
to look more like
whatever you wanted
me to look like

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 06.22.2014 @ 11:52 am

possible

is it possible that we have forgotten everything
that in loving you i have shrugged off my own skin
my own scars and bruises, and
you have stepped out of your old clothes
is it possible that we have written our tomorrows today
and my possible is now possible with you

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 04.20.2014 @ 9:50 pm

sterile

it would have been easier sterile
cleaner tools and bright blades cutting
it out of me, that black mud
that hate, that cry
that tearing apart of us would have been
easier if we had made it sterile

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 04.17.2014 @ 7:37 pm

rocker

The rocker pushed and pulled as I breathed thick summer air and sipped hot lemonade. This was Texas at its best, wrapped in a screen porch and sweating, happy to scramble under the southern sun like an egg in a pan. Homemade ice cream waited behind the freezer door. Our horses tore grass from the field. This is what we bargained for. We came out on the best side of the deal.

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 05.15.2013 @ 11:22 pm

taboo

She was a taboo like a scorch in the throat. A word you shouldn’t say. The taste of her sweat when she arches, like the songs your parents told you not to hear. She walked all lace and spiked heels and she loved you like you never wanted. Like you always needed. She was the taboo you were never supposed to crave.

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 05.13.2013 @ 1:28 pm

café

We sat sipping slow drinks with hot curls of steam rising from our mugs. There were things you wouldn’t say. There were words behind my mouth. We sat there as if we were conversing, as if the coffee could bring us closer. We sat there, staring at each other, waiting to muster the courage to be candid. We sat there as if we loved one another still. We sat there as if it meant something.

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 04.22.2013 @ 2:46 pm

mumbling

how do you walk
how do you move your feet
when the voices mumble
the ground beneath you gurgles
you have nowhere solid to step

how do you try
when the sludge sloshes at your ankles
and your head is ablaze with worry
and nothing sticks
and nothing fades

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 04.16.2013 @ 1:16 pm

leverage

I suppose you were always leverage. Something from which I could spring to the next level. A tool. I was always unfair, we were always unfair. You were always used up. I sucked you down and moved on. This was never what we wanted it to be. You were the next step on the staircase, and I climbed you with muddy shoes. I should have walked softer. I should have, I should have. I should have done many things.

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 04.15.2013 @ 1:15 pm

baby

I should stop writing drunk, baby. I should give you what you deserve. Come over here, baby, let me breathe you in and let me drink you. Baby, you are everything I’ve never asked for, and I want you, baby. You get me drunk, honey, sweetheart, and I want you. I should stop drinking you so hard and I should write sober. But you just fill me up, baby. You just get me drunk.

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 01.29.2013 @ 9:42 pm

higher

I wish I were
higher
on some celestial plane or
a platform somewhere between
clouds and blue

sky, I wish I were
higher

I wish I could reach
tree tops, skyscrapers
I wish I could float beyond
this mire and roil
I wish I could scream

louder, I wish I were
higher

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 12.04.2012 @ 8:04 pm

both

both toxic and radioactive you are
cleansing in your destruction
break me down
at the molecular level, rebuild
me into something chrome
solid and white hot
something cruel
and beautiful

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 12.03.2012 @ 6:19 pm

under

you will be under
neath and you will not
breathe
air again for minutes

and minutes trail months into
years and you will
think you see a crack
of light but you will not

under water and burlap
under mud and ice and
shovels under
neath and you will not
breathe

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 11.27.2012 @ 3:02 pm

library

It was a library. It was a room full of books, it was a tribute to the glint in his eyes and the flesh of his stomach. The almost-brown of his hair. The sea green of his eyes and the gray of his fingertips. It was a volume of books in alphabetical order and they all wrote his smile in my mouth. They all wrote his name.

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 11.24.2012 @ 10:00 pm

framework

she was the framework
of me
lacing wooden beams between
my ribs and around
my collar
bone

she held me up, she
held me
up

and all inside of me
she left her splinters
singing
her name in my
arches and cornerstones

she held me up, she
held me
up

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 06.18.2012 @ 1:40 am

mayor

The mayor stroked his double-breasted suit, an air of pomp and pure egotism clouding around his puffed chest. Today was his day. Today he had won. And nothing on God’s green earth could take away the buoyancy that plumed under his every step on this perfect afternoon.

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 06.16.2012 @ 12:18 am

cathedral

her stained glass eyes are breaking
me, cutting into mine and
lacerating
what hopes I had
of any kind of future
without her

she is my cathedral
I go to her
to pray
and I will be buried
in her shade
one day

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 06.14.2012 @ 9:43 pm

straw

Her hair. It used to be straw-colored, or rather… something closer to pale sunshine on a December day. Nowadays it’s hard red. Dark. Saturated. I can’t help but breathe it in when I see her. Every time.

» Posted By caitlinmonster On 06.13.2012 @ 4:00 pm

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