Comments Posted By Ylan

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I feel like I’ve been slammed down and smashed and I cannot get up.
this fear pressing down on my bones and this cough wrecking my frame
when will it end this thing called breathing
or is it the unknown that makes the inhalation a thing of labor instead of beauty?

» Posted By ylan On 10.08.2014 @ 6:40 pm


you are tall and real and i can breathe in the air around you because your energy is high altitude. yet you are dangerous and steep with craggy shoulders and sharp nails. If I am not careful I can set off a landslide avalanche full of ice and rocks.

» Posted By Ylan On 05.15.2014 @ 5:32 pm


not being surrounded. it is a big echo where you are thoroughly drowning without a peaceful stillness. self. too much of it. and having a sense that life is too big and your soul too thin.

» Posted By Ylan On 04.29.2014 @ 6:26 pm


you are in my house the warmest part of my heart don’t wander beyond the living room and kitchen because in the bedroom things become a little colder and in that space where sleep overtakes and darkness is sleep it’s a restless journey before my eyes shut. and i don’t know if you can handle such darkness. so sleep. sleep now.

» Posted By Ylan On 04.02.2014 @ 8:44 am


you are so stuck and put between two sheets of paper never wanting to emerge and bloom again.
why is it so hard for you to let the palm off your heart? The palm pushing you into the ground. into the darkness into the nothingness that is silence? You make a choice and you bid goodbye to that one girl. Don’t hang onto the companion you think you are.

» Posted By Ylan On 03.24.2014 @ 2:32 pm


she is on a boat and i don’t know when she’ll get off. it makes me dizzy, the bobbing of the boat and the sun glinting off the lake. I don’t know we chose to go on this old wooden thing. She said it made her think of the Philadelphia story and the word yar and knowing that there would be freedom. I don’t think she realizes what she is talking about.

» Posted By Ylan On 02.20.2014 @ 8:45 am


you can dance with me in the sunlight but there’s something special about the moon giving off its white glow and things sleeping while you dance around freely in the quiet and still summer air. I wanted to know you and wanted to love you but you kept slipping through my fingers. So i’ll have to be content that things are hidden tonight.

» Posted By Ylan On 02.05.2014 @ 12:58 pm


we sit in the dark and we don’t know what’s going on. I think he’s about to reach over and slap her and the blue lights keep flickering over everyone’s cheeks. i feel lonely amongst the crowd and it takes a certain sort of privilege to be able to sit during the matinee and be empty inside the theater and not have to worry about the screaming children locked behind classroom doors. no blue light for them.

» Posted By Ylan On 02.04.2014 @ 5:35 pm


I get anxious every time I see that food is not going into his body. He wanders around void of nutrition and his body will take up the solids once again and turn the into pure fat This word is harsh and scary and not understood. It can be law and it can be freedom.

» Posted By Ylan On 08.05.2013 @ 10:55 pm


we are the multitudes that are creatures in a machine. not the ones that were created with souls and creativity but those who are under an employer. but. I. want. to. break. out. and i am flooded with the idea that a vacation in France will solve all my problems and pacify all my fears. that is not true. I will be the same body on different soil.

» Posted By Ylan On 11.15.2012 @ 5:49 pm


different. things. consume. make sure you have options. but most people don’t have options. and i drown in this eighty degree weather. i live in california where things are offered as a menu of diversions. and what if you were stuck in a room with only books to inspire you the only menu things on your plate. you’d eat it.

» Posted By Ylan On 10.03.2012 @ 3:50 pm


go over and sit and don’t even do a thing. don’t think. you are put off. you are not in the center. that’s where i like to be where I don’t have to feel the pressure of everyone’s eyes. It’s just me observing the runners, observing the dancer, being gloried in. and getting to see the moment. not having to live in it.

» Posted By Ylan On 08.23.2012 @ 1:40 pm


i like buildings with big windows and the curve of sunlight across arches and cathedrals and the time it must have taken for those men or women to plan the feel of the building and what they wanted people to experience in their hearts as they step into the doorways to live, eat, breathe, sleep, and make love within the walls. but that is why suburbia is so sad. so dry. and we need more.

» Posted By Ylan On 05.30.2012 @ 11:10 am


the television balres loudly at me screaming rarely is it a picture of stillness and i remember the race and the push but also the safety of a dead brain, of a screen in between you and the action, the way that nothing will ever be the same, and to experience this change, you must get out of the chair.

» Posted By Ylan On 03.20.2012 @ 3:07 pm


you live here and you say that you might never leave because of the orange sunsets and the icicles that are in great danger of stabbing you. this is home. there is no other place where you can melt iced ginger on your tongue or hug your mother like she is a big snow man. this is where you will stay your whole life.

» Posted By Ylan On 03.05.2012 @ 8:28 am


you taste like spam and I had chocolate for breakfast which is good because studies have shown that dark chocolate is good for you…for some reason or toher. but that means, you can’t really eat sugar just the bitter stuff that is smooth against your mouth. give me a bar of mint dark chocolate. YUM.

» Posted By Ylan On 02.23.2012 @ 9:35 am


would you tell me who you really want to be? i’m standing in this long hallway in the darkness of this carpet and one shaft of light on paintings that i’m supposed to understand, to like, to stare at. When are you going to open to me the mysterries of the universe. is this really emptiness that is fullness?

» Posted By Ylan On 02.22.2012 @ 8:59 am


you have to go now don’t think so much, it will wind and will trap, but as long as their is no scene like the shining, I’m pretty sure you’ll be ok. Don’t worry too much. But I don’t want to deal with the stress of going through this and letting my life rely on the chance that nothing will happen, it doesn’t matter. you have to try. You have to try and wake up and make sure that you don’t care too much.

» Posted By Ylan On 02.13.2012 @ 8:25 am


the bell and the space and nicholas cage and movies and that time you hung up the white tablecloth so that we could snuggle in the dark. has it become so drenched, this word, with patriotism that I cannot disassociate it any more from the american flag? Dangerous and unbelievably good… give me the liberty to read and experience life to its fullest.

» Posted By Ylan On 01.19.2012 @ 1:56 pm


the ship makes you stare at its horn beating through your chest the sound of a big full beast ready to sail across shallow ocean full of deep valleys and brimming with creatures unknown to your eyes. You have 10 minutes to dive deep and let all the wonder wrap you up in sunlight darkness and mystery. it can crush you, but there in this darkness, there is a stillness and movement you wouldn’t be able to get on the surface. Sound. Breath from a tank. the waves do not touch me here. all is this current.

» Posted By Ylan On 01.16.2012 @ 11:57 am


how do you live like that?

» Posted By Ylan On 11.01.2011 @ 8:44 am


there is an understanding that doesn’t need to be spoken i can just rest in the silence of your presence. we don’t talk and we stand and cook and chop. we ask small questions like, “can you taste this? and how was your day?” it’s interesting how it takes effort to get out of that comfortable position and interrogate and recognize the moment for what it really is. a time to connect, possibly, if you would choose to. at first, you want to discover everthing, but you know, it takes time and a different buring passion to keep on goin for years.

» Posted By Ylan On 10.18.2011 @ 3:24 pm


i believe that I need to keep on going and never stop. this belief stuck deep insdie my heart and head. I’m trying to go deep down and live beyond the ordinary. beyond the ordinary of a flashing screen because i know thaere is more. and that one night spent under the stars with food and servinng others is better than a million days of getting things going my own way. Let’s go and get down on our knees and serve.

» Posted By Ylan On 10.12.2011 @ 8:31 am


mom needs it in her body so she won’t go around looking pale as a ghost and struggling through piles of homework. it reminds me of food that needs to be cooked and things that need to be cleaned and tiredness that piles onto my body because I am not willing to deal with the reality of a beautiful life waiting to be discovered.

» Posted By Ylan On 10.09.2011 @ 8:28 pm


your account is emptied and it needs to be filled up with some big green pieces of paper that you won’t take with you to heaven. and you know what else? Will you take care of the money as i Go around the world and sleep in strange places and never caring about a single thing. It will kill you to not care, to be safe, and to never push yourself.

» Posted By Ylan On 09.14.2011 @ 6:58 pm


it makes me feel free to suddenly get ut of the house ad think and spin and twirl the wheel as music blasts out of the radio and sunshine hits my face and i realize I don’t like keeping my window open because that would give the opening for someone to harass me. and it scary to talk to strangers, it gives you a rush….

» Posted By Ylan On 08.09.2011 @ 12:03 pm


They shared a history, those wrinkled hands and their partner in the leather. As he curled his fingers around the reins of that horse, he felt the power from this youth coarsing through his nerves, entering his bloodstream, and exploding into virility unknown to his age.

» Posted By Ylan On 06.23.2011 @ 1:08 pm


There was something beautiful about the way she looked at him. As though she were caught up in a world of yearning that could be not be described by the pen of man.
And the way he gazed upon her was no different.
With each glance, they seemed to move closer together, that gem-like appearance in her eyes intense. And with each movement, it seemed to pull their souls away. As though they were shy, but physically incapable of fighting the strength of that draw.

» Posted By Ylan On 06.22.2011 @ 11:43 pm

There was a feeling in the air that they could not describe.
It was hectic.
It was electric.
It was as though they were being pulled in by something beyond themselves, and as they fell slaves to the intensity of that air, they were closer together than ever before. With blood rushing through their veins, they sighed…and the moment was gone.

» Posted By Ylan On 06.22.2011 @ 11:39 pm


it reminds me of camping and looking at the trees below in the canyon and counselors and girls taking off their shirts with their small breasts hanging out. and…it reminds me of water and plastic cups and a counselor yelling at me because he was frustrated about a riddle that he couldn’t figure out and i wonder how old they all were. they seemed so coo. and i remember britanny and what was that girl’s name again with the long yellow being so excited about their one counselor who sang and was really cool. they smiled and elbowed each other when they saw that she would be leading them for the next few days. and it reminds me…that i missed home and so did kimmy and you got a huge feeling in your stomach of being alone.

» Posted By Ylan On 05.26.2011 @ 1:31 pm

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