Comments Posted By Whatever_Artemesia

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“You know why he latched onto her?” my mother asked me as we walked along the brick-paved boulevard. “Because he can never be alone,” I said. “Yes,” she said, “but because he wanted to solve the problem with that other girl.” Is that what you did? Did you choose her because you were problem-solving? Could you have chosen – ?

» Posted By whatever_artemesia On 12.31.2018 @ 9:24 am


Do you like me better without ornament? In my array of little black dresses, you look away from me, you won’t talk to me. In the dressed-down versions, you’ll call my name when you get distracted by my cleavage, as if to snap yourself out of a reverie.

» Posted By whatever_artemesia On 12.26.2018 @ 1:48 pm


I would never bring you into a wine shop. I know what it would mean for you if I did. But I wish you could’ve met the man behind the register, the one with the tattoo of text winding round his bicep in typewriter font. I asked him what it said, and he spouted off a long Jack Kerouac passage, from “On the Road.” It began something like, “Give me the bad ones…” and went on and on, rich in poetic imagery, and he pretended to be reading his own arm but really he had the passage memorized. I could tell he fancied himself a writer, even if the only writing he does is in his journal, and he was the kind of person who had no perspective on whether or not he was any good. He just knew that he was ignored and that he had to ring up wine for money. You were the only other person in my life who would understand this moment as it was happening. And afterwards, you would laugh with me, and we’d go to the wide zebra crossing, your coattails and pipe smoke billowing, past the baby drag queen in a grey wig performing Christmas numbers in the plaza, past all the street skaters who’ve never landed a trick, up the brick-paved main street of the city towards a sunset subsumed by rain.

» Posted By whatever_artemesia On 12.24.2018 @ 3:38 pm

It doesn’t matter if we can or can’t drink wine together. Maybe you think it does. Maybe you don’t think of it at all. What’s it like for you to be at home, with your mother, with her kennel full of black labs running under your feet? Do you notice that her presence changes you, rearranges your pieces?

» Posted By whatever_artemesia On 12.24.2018 @ 12:31 pm


I’m most frustrated with you while I’m doing my banking. You’ve stalled for too long, and now the year’s almost over, and we were supposed to be done by now. Over there, while you continue to stall with the usual excuses, he hurts me, and he slights me, and he angers me, and I want to punish him (but I can’t). You were the one who told me I was going to get picked, but I should’ve known better than to believe you even a little bit – after all, you were the one who never picked me.

» Posted By whatever_artemesia On 12.20.2018 @ 11:16 am


The other night, I had a dream where you were in a tuxedo, and I was in a voluminous white minidress. The two of us up on stage.

» Posted By whatever_artemesia On 12.15.2018 @ 9:24 am


It’s tempting to not show up in the morning, to stay in bed for longer than I would normally and have breakfast at an hour that’s not ungodly. But if I don’t show up, I won’t see you, and it’ll be my last opportunity before this year turns into next, and everything’s different again.

» Posted By whatever_artemesia On 12.09.2018 @ 4:31 pm


Let’s be the builders of something that isn’t a column of smoke. I’m starting to believe, again, that we could do it. We could be the lovers people wish they were, in our long coats, with our pens in our teeth.

» Posted By whatever_artemesia On 12.08.2018 @ 5:02 pm


Is it possible for us to have fun? I have fantasized about you on my home turf, wandering the winding city streets together for hours and hours until the fog rolls in, dawdling among stacks of books until the sun sets vermilion red. I have fantasized about you laughing as I’ve never seen you laugh in the place I’ve called paradise, and about you crying for the first time in years tucked up in my bed.

» Posted By whatever_artemesia On 12.05.2018 @ 4:39 pm


Tonight, your oasis was pinball. A pinball machine with goblins, an oscillating castle, directives from Merlin. You used to have a pinball machine in your bedroom at home, when you had money. That’s what you told me. Trips to Italy, private pinball machines – both of us exhausted beneath the upside-down Christmas trees hanging from the ceiling of the bar, the stirrings of old feelings –

» Posted By whatever_artemesia On 12.03.2018 @ 10:12 pm


Coffee and tobacco at least three times daily – you never seem wired, always calm in your long black mohair coat. You peeked back at me over your shoulder as we crossed over the frozen river, trailing smoke over your shoulder like a train in a Buster Keaton movie. Did you want to say something?

» Posted By Whatever_Artemesia On 11.30.2018 @ 8:13 am


Your hair is perfect these days, darker than the night, falling in loose waves. Even though I don’t lust after you anymore, I find myself wanting to knot my fingers in it still. I told you a secret tonight, though it’s not the biggest secret I have, and you were my nightlight. You blew smoke into the smoky shadows and promised to protect me with your eyes.

» Posted By whatever_artemesia On 11.09.2018 @ 10:30 pm


If only you weren’t an addict, you would be heaven. All lithe muscle and strong mind. All jasmine smoke and soft leather. All ink-stained hands and crinkly grins.

» Posted By whatever_artemesia On 08.23.2018 @ 10:49 pm


Showing you both my middle fingers has become really fun. My roommate and I drive by, you look toward the rumble of our engine, pipe in your mouth smelling of jasmine, you and I lock eyes even though it’s hard to do so through layers of glass and metal, and I’m smiling, and you’re smiling, but our smiles are invisible.

» Posted By whatever_artemesia On 08.21.2018 @ 8:26 am


You’ve been the vehicle of my lust for a while now. Nothing will happen, obviously. It seems sort of a shame that being touched has the consequences it does. Can’t delete you out my brain, I can’t forget you…

» Posted By whatever_artemesia On 07.16.2018 @ 10:09 pm


More often than I’d like to admit, my train of thought drifts to you as I’m trying to go to sleep. Hey, you, you thinking of me, too?

» Posted By whatever_artemesia On 06.27.2018 @ 10:51 am


It used to seem that you were the one who wanted her. More than she wanted you. I could see it more clearly in you, but she’s better at hiding it. She vet you from the beginning, and found you to be worth wanting. And now she’s shutting me out. Our friendship’s going to die because of it.

» Posted By whatever_artemesia On 04.02.2018 @ 9:14 pm


She tires of your zealot self. She wants you to be raw. She wants you to want her. That’s all.

» Posted By whatever_artemesia On 03.29.2018 @ 6:55 am

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