Comments Posted By Thirteen
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You know, like that one time when you ran off to Columbia and took every reminder of who you were, with you? You know, like that time when you drove away into the ether, and the only thing remaining behind was a pair of hula hoops, duct taped together with pretty little patterns. You know, like that time when we were together at five-thirty in the goddamn morning inside your vanlife van and my dad drove by looking for me because I’m “only” twenty-five and I ran because god forbid my parents catch me with a stranger twined around me at five-thirty in the goddamn morning and the last words I heard you cry were “Find me,” but since we are thieves we never return what we stole and time doesn’t come with a receipt anyway.
» Posted By Thirteen On 10.27.2016 @ 8:08 am
I can’t remember the last time I looked out from between the walls. An asylum – this mental institution, this place where white is a reminder that we’re bruised up inside. You know, you think the walls have eyes? It’s just the way the light reflects, really.
You’re seeing things again, just like me, darling.
» Posted By Thirteen On 10.25.2016 @ 6:23 am
This is my love poem to no one,
piece of fantasy
wherein I claim that you’re not actually real
you pretend to be
is just compromised immunity
place to be
where I can exist free from expectations
when I can just be me –
but you keep on intruding
» Posted By Thirteen On 10.14.2016 @ 9:57 am
How she bathed in the ray of her lover as she fell deeper and deeper into the warmth of his cold soul.
» Posted By Thirteen On 10.10.2016 @ 1:35 pm
I’m afraid for you, sometimes. I think a little longer than I should, and I remember the way you looked the first time you told me about having been to jail.
The fact that you were scared to death of going back.
That you didn’t think orange was your color, and how even having been there, just briefly, it changed you. A black spot on an otherwise glowing child.
I wanted to hold you, then. I wanted to tell you, it’s okay, it’ll be all right.
But you looked at me with your dragon’s eyes and you said, “I’m never going back,” so strong, so proud, I couldn’t look away and I couldn’t move.
» Posted By Thirteen On 10.07.2016 @ 9:35 am
Little bits and pieces of your face flow by in my mental slideshow. I’m caught up in the way you look, the way I remember you looking and the way you might look in the future.
I’m spending time with your past-present-future selves all at once in this letter I’m writing to you and wondering how your slideshow face will look as you read it. Transition, fade-to-black between happy-sad-pained.
» Posted By Thirteen On 10.06.2016 @ 8:11 am
Baby, I’m worth it –
But the real question is if you are.
Because I remember this time – not so long ago – when maybe you weren’t. You weren’t worth the night of revelry, the crazy self-hatred that came along with a moment (or ten) of weakness.
Call me crazy as I sit up at night and wonder.
Were you worth it?
I still don’t know.
» Posted By Thirteen On 10.04.2016 @ 6:58 am
Oh, a class act.
You’re not the kind of person who could walk through the doors and be known all at once, are you?
You’re like me.
You see, we’re the kind of people who walk around in black with dark shadows under our eyes because we know things others don’t get, yet.
They’ll understand in time, but until then, we’ll categorize our angsty teenage selves as what we hope we will be:
Because if they understand, then suddenly…we’re not as important as maybe we thought.
» Posted By Thirteen On 10.03.2016 @ 10:10 am
Straining my neck to see the board, I peak over my large glasses and squint at the board. Its hopeless, I’m defiantly blind and sitting at the back of the room doesn’t help. Without these notes, my grades will drop, and I will suffer the consequences when I’m expelled. Scooting my desk over, I lean forward, praying that my dear eyes could just see! I fumble with my papers and drop textbooks and paper creating a mini hurricane around me. The boy in front of me turns around, raises an eyebrow, and grabs my fallen red pen saying “You might want to move closer.”
» Posted By thirteen On 04.13.2015 @ 7:03 pm
We are two separate parts of a rope, you and I – two sides that coalesce in the middle, and when your wavelength starts out greater than mine, we’ll inevitably disrupt one another’s lives. When we meet on our way down our own little streets – only one way to go home from here, then BAM, smack into someone else. That’s when you and I will have to figure out if we’re ruining one another’s lives or making something greater than the sum of our parts.
» Posted By Thirteen On 02.10.2014 @ 12:28 pm
You are still that same whirlwind that came to visit me once in a far off land. You’re the storm rider, storm shaker – you’re breaking down my walls with those grey-green eyes like sea foam turned angry under a slowly blackening sky.
If we had another moment, maybe I’d break, but that’s what’s so wonderful about the single touch of eyes in a crowd – that we never have a chance.
» Posted By Thirteen On 12.03.2013 @ 10:30 am
You wanted to catch up to me like a thunderstorm, like a sea storm, like the high winds that captivate my heart. You wanted to push me off to the side of the freeway and make me have to take cover, but I have to tell you lover, that I’m never going to stop fighting back. I have my survival kit on my shoulders now, a fortress around my heart, and you’ll never pull that apart, leave me lying on the sideways again. I’m sorry, boy, but this isn’t a toy – my heart isn’t yours anymore. So take yourself, my typhoon lover and take yourself away.
» Posted By Thirteen On 12.01.2013 @ 6:53 pm
Did you ever have an idea, a hope or a dream that you wanted?
I know you did once.
I saw it, the first time I saw you, the old homeless man who could have been God, sitting on the corner of Fourth and Main, looking at me as I stared at you, and wondering, what’s this girl got to do with anything?
You must have been something once, a son, a friend, maybe a father. I wonder what dreams of yours have been broken. And whose fault it is they were shattered.
» Posted By Thirteen On 05.27.2013 @ 5:26 am
You wanted to get me into cookies again.
Do you remember when we were children, and the only thing you ever wanted from my house was the box of vanilla wafers? I remember watching you fight the dog for the crumbs on the floor. Remember seeing my mother walk in on us, me in the chair, peering down at you as you licked your fingers and dabbed up the little crumbles.
I remember she wasn’t happy with me for egging you on, and I remember you wanted to start up the whole cookies thing again this summer –
But I didn’t tell you I’m moving on.
I’m an ice cream sandwich kind of gal now.
» Posted By Thirteen On 05.23.2013 @ 9:46 am
I had a vague idea when I started today that I was going to be accruing stories to be telling the rest of the world for years. That I was going to become the cave painter, and leave my ideas behind the same way Hansel and Gretel left behind their breadcrumbs, for someone else to follow, for someone else to be curious about. Or maybe just for some bird to come by and eat, and then go home with a sever stomach ache wondering why pumpernickel always seems to do that to you…
» Posted By Thirteen On 05.06.2013 @ 7:21 pm
This isn’t about abandonment or leaving me behind.
This is not about the five stars peeled down to three.
This isn’t even about the way you don’t look at me in the mornings anymore.
It’s about the moments when you look through me because I’ve gone so easy in your eyes, so soft, so preciously invisible that you can’t possibly find me to pin the blue ribbon to my chest; the I choose you gets frozen in your throat because you can’t see me, can’t rate me your best, and then I’m gone, like the rest of your breath, expelled from a chest with no heart left over for me.
» Posted By Thirteen On 05.04.2013 @ 8:56 am
this isn’t what i wanted to feel like
this isnt what i had in mind when i said yes
i wanted to have safety and caring
not this control
this exertion over me
this bit of me ripped out and kept caged
even though you say its for my own good
my own safety
even though you swear youre not trying to hurt me
that this is just another aspect of love
im beginning to squish into odd shapes
and im falling apart
and maybe this is the failing
the failure for faith in others
» Posted By Thirteen On 04.07.2013 @ 3:08 pm
youre a melody i didnt want to have to sing twice
but i guess i can for the sake of the carbs
because i remember how well i liked you
before we were separated
this whole distance thing
just aint working out
so dear donut without the sugar
dear happiness sans cream cheese
dear little round shigamajig that used to make my days so pleasing
we’re breaking up
im going gluten free
» Posted By Thirteen On 04.04.2013 @ 9:47 am
I keep thinking that Kiera might not appreciate chocolate – because that was my first thought, that we’d get a bunch of Godiva and then sit together and chillax as we munched pizza and such. But there’s this whole gluten free thing, and apparently chocolate has wheat in it. So she’d get sick. And so instead I went to the second K in my life, (because you can always have too much chocolate and I’m approaching my limit) and used it as a bribe for Kiersten to keep her from being mad at me for too long.
» Posted By Thirteen On 03.29.2013 @ 1:02 pm
I’m on the phone and I just want to talk with someone and this blasted music is just playing, and playing and suddenly there are lyrics and I can’t understand them. These songs… I can’t believe it. Still busy? How many people use Teavana’s service? How long am I going to have to hold? What IS this?
What’s funny is that it’s not funny.
What’s funnier is how easily ticked off I am.
Tickled, my dad might say.
I prefer pissed.
» Posted By Thirteen On 03.14.2013 @ 12:56 pm
Sometimes I pretend to fall asleep, just to see if you’ll hold me when I twitch. It’s not because I don’t trust you, but the director who has been in charge of my life has messed with me often enough to make me wonder every once in a while just how much longer this will last. It’s like how you say I Love You whenever we talk, before we say goodbye. Because you want to hear it back, and need the affirmation. I just need your arms around me.
» Posted By Thirteen On 03.12.2013 @ 6:52 pm
I want to find you and hold you, close, close, closer than I’ve held any story I ever told before because you’re not just a story anymore – you’re a legend, a little weaving of tiny tales of bits of words that maybe create something more and babe, I want to keep you close. Close, closer than anything has ever been to me, or my heart, I wanna be wrapped up in your stars even as you begin to realign and tell me the story of how we first met in some other time.
» Posted By Thirteen On 03.11.2013 @ 7:09 pm
You’re the same woman who you used to be, all those years ago, and even that little girl, still, but all they see when they walk by is an old woman, now, one with hands that are as twisted as the roots of the tree outside your porch.
You are still the same woman who you used to be, all those years ago, and still when these boys walk by, they throw taunts and they throw jeers, and they mime speaking, but you have had more years of practice not listening than they have had in loving with all their withered little hearts.
» Posted By Thirteen On 03.10.2013 @ 4:25 pm
When you were crossing half the known world to find me, did it ever occur to you that maybe I didn’t want to be found? That maybe all this terrestrial space I’ve erected between us, this dirt and ice, these glaciers and these moments of silence that stretch on as far as the terrain that still carries the weight of moments between us – this might all be because I wanted to escape from you. That maybe, this is over, even maybe never began.
» Posted By Thirteen On 03.09.2013 @ 7:16 pm
And then again, you’re here beside me, making me wish my also wasn’t such a limiting word. Making me wish that my also meant including you, not that I’m also going to be out of town, and I’m also going to be away for the next semester, and that also I don’t really much like your family, either.
I was hoping that maybe we’d have an also in common, something to bond us over shared time, but that’s also out of the picture because all your alsos have also included the fact that you’ve got another girl in your heart and I’m just the current one in mind’s eye.
» Posted By Thirteen On 03.08.2013 @ 4:50 pm
I’m coming back, and you’re coming with me – we’ll have returned like the fire in the breath of a dragon, melting the landscape.
I’ve really just begun thinking about you again, and I’d apologize if you ever answered my emails to begin with. I’m thinking about reworking you into someone I could hate, because I never really was able to hate anyone in real life. So maybe if I fictionalize you just enough you’ll be the alter to that rule. My impetus for skipping bedtime.
» Posted By Thirteen On 03.07.2013 @ 5:15 pm
I was so tired at the end of the 200 fly, but see, that’s not the thing that’s frustrating. It’s knowing that the 400 freelay was probably beaten because even when I was about to pass out, couldn’t feel my hands, couldn’t feel my face or hear anything, when I could barely see, stand or move, I told Jess that I was strong enough to compete. That I was going to be the rock for my team to lean on, and that it’s okay – I’m going to take this home, just watch me. I was in the race, until I was out of it. And by then, who remembers it anyway.
» Posted By Thirteen On 02.17.2013 @ 5:01 pm
We aren’t made to recall what’s been past –
just for reference, we’ve been here before, and there, and back there too.
The bus driver, just pounding past while the outside rains down, down, down.
You’d think that maybe we’d stop, ask directions, see where we are going, but no.
We’re careening out of control, heading for somewhere else, someplace that we haven’t been yet, and that we won’t be able to fully appreciate until we’re too far gone in time, and the reference point comes up once again.
» Posted By Thirteen On 01.07.2013 @ 8:11 am
There is not a definition possible to encapsulate what “Bad Decision” means.
Nor is there one to tell people when you’ve made the best decision under the circumstances.
I’d rather there was a word, just a phrase, maybe…enough to get it across – I did what I had to do.
I’m sorry if I stepped on your toes, if you’re angry, if you’re sad/hurt/crushed.
I’d like to know what’s up next, if it’s possible.
» Posted By Thirteen On 10.07.2012 @ 10:17 am
Back To Stats Page
I’m not okay with knowing that this isn’t exactly the way I would have liked things to turn out. It’s just that there are too many options. Too many…possibilities. And this isn’t sitting well with me. I want to know the lay of the land before I determine the shape of my thoughts to suit them. I want to know what I’m up against before I charge into the fray, and the possibilities are endless in this picture. I want to see things I’ve never seen before, and right now the hold out is catching up to me.
» Posted By Thirteen On 10.06.2012 @ 11:41 am