Comments Posted By RebeccaZuvedru

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instantly

Sometimes it’s just the tone of her voice that will set off my anger. How can it be that the roll of her eyes or the slant of a mouth can instantly cause a reaction from me? I love her so much but sometimes just the sight of her face makes me want to scream.

» Posted By RebeccaZuvedru On 01.06.2016 @ 2:37 am

pumpkin

We watched The Great Pumpkin last night. That cartoon was created the same year I was born. Snoopy was a WWI flying ace. John said that, when it was first shown, WWI was the same distance in history as the cartoon is from us now. The kids were amazed by that.

» Posted By RebeccaZuvedru On 11.30.2015 @ 12:36 am

figured

I figured out the source of my unhappiness, I thought. I thought it was you and I began to pile the reasons onto a bonfire of resentment which I lit with my anger. Is it too late? Can we fight this fire before it engulfs what we’ve built over 30 years?

» Posted By RebeccaZuvedru On 11.18.2015 @ 1:58 am

provider

What does it mean to be the provider of the family? We always think of it as the one who makes the money. Or the most money. But, is it? What if J was thought of as the provider? She brings this family joy and frustration. Anxiety and order. Predictability and uncertainty. Confidence in the future. Worry that we won’t be part of it. All this at 10 years old. A lot to provide.

» Posted By RebeccaZuvedru On 03.24.2015 @ 6:59 am

American

I have been an expat since I was 22. This life is strange and makes associate with a nationality in a skewed way. I am American. How many times have I said that over the years? And, because of it, people think of me a certain way. And yet, how many times has someone said to me, “But, you don’t really seem American.” I used to wonder why that was. Then, I went back to the States to live for a year and realized that I am just as much an expat there as I am anywhere else. I don’t fit there, either. I don’t fit anywhere. I am american rather than American. I am patriotic and do not want a different nationality. Yet, I am fundamentally changed and am no longer blindly an American. When we move back to live there permanently, will that change or have I been changed fundamentally?

» Posted By RebeccaZuvedru On 03.23.2015 @ 1:04 am

sealed

I gave her the sealed envelope, hoping she wouldn’t open it. I thought she might but if she did, what could I do? Those words would break her heart and make her hate me forever. Yet, it was too late to change my mind now. Soon, I wouldn’t have a mind to change anyway.

» Posted By RebeccaZuvedru On 03.05.2015 @ 12:13 am

scientists

Why is it that scientists are disparaged? Silly, really. Of course, they can be biased, but they set up every safeguard they can to avoid that bias. And then, completely biased people who have agendas and beliefs that are completely unproven speak with the same authority as scientists who spend a lifetime quietly studying matters in an unbiased structure.

» Posted By RebeccaZuvedru On 03.03.2015 @ 2:04 am

knockoff

In the 90’s when we lived in Rome, the immigrants from Africa (the Sudan? where?) sold knockoff purses and scarves on the bridges throughout Rome. I know they worked in other Italian cities and they still do, but it was something that was very noteable at the time. I was young and idealistic and knew that these guys were doing the only thing they could to make money and to survive. And, yet I hated what they were doing and I hated being accosted just when I wanted to cross the bridge into Trastevere.

» Posted By RebeccaZuvedru On 03.02.2015 @ 1:37 am

audience

My life now always has an audience. Once I had children I found that I monitored my actions so much more than I ever had before. I gauge actions through their eyes. I have a sense that whatever I do cannot harm them and, if possible, should help them.

» Posted By RebeccaZuvedru On 02.24.2015 @ 11:26 pm

roast

Sheila put the roast in the oven. It never failed that she was the one who had to host these family gatherings. She resented it and yet put up with it, a form of passive aggression that her brother would comment on after his second glass of wine. She began chopping the ends off the green beans, the knife pounding the board harder than need be for the slim stems.

Of course, he would comment on that and her controlling ways, saying that she held things at her house so that she could control the movements and interactions of the family.

» Posted By RebeccaZuvedru On 02.23.2015 @ 6:12 am

horizon

I grew up with a horizon that drew my attention every day like a beloved pet. Almost every evening the sunset in my hometown lit up the sky in a spectacular show that forced mortals to consider our slight place in the universe.

Now I live in a place where there is no horizon. Nothing draws the eye outward. Most days the sky is a flat empty grey — like the backdrop to a dream. Asking nothing and reflecting nothing.

» Posted By RebeccaZuvedru On 02.03.2015 @ 6:37 am

essential

The essential item on my list today is to write something. Anything. I futz around and suddenly the sun has slipped across the sky and time is in short supply and I haven’t written anything yet. It’s annoying. And yet when I sit down to write all those wonderful images and storylines I had in my head last night as I was falling asleep have evaporated and I am left with a blinking cursor. Frustrating.

» Posted By RebeccaZuvedru On 02.02.2015 @ 3:52 am

announcement

Michael,

Posting again with the hope that you will read this. I don’t see how to get in touch with you. I don’t know if your post was fictional or if that is how you are really feeling.

If it is how you are feeling, please talk to someone you trust right now. Suicide is not the answer. Your life will be completely different — I promise — in such a short time. Please, please, reach out and let someone know how you are feeling. Even if it is just a hotline.

I hope you see this.

» Posted By RebeccaZuvedru On 01.27.2015 @ 1:01 am

The announcement that the flight would be late came while she was in the bathroom. So, she was rushing out when she saw everyone sitting there. She knew right away that that was it, though. If she was even a little late, she was going to miss the whole event. So, the plane’s delay meant that the whole thing was over. Finished. She didn’t even tell the airline. She just picked up her carry on and walked out of the terminal and hailed a cab.

» Posted By RebeccaZuvedru On 01.27.2015 @ 12:46 am

buffalo

Once we saw a buffalo in a national park. The kids were so excited that we stopped the car and jumped out and took about 20 pictures. Reluctantly, we got back into the car to drive on. Already, we missed seeing the buffalo. It was such a great experience. We drove on. Then, about a mile down the road we crested a hill and looked out over the plain and saw the herd: 200 buffalo. More than we could bear. We could imagine what it must have looked like in the days when buffalo blanketed the landscape. But, I still longed for that one buffalo who had made us so happy.

» Posted By RebeccaZuvedru On 01.26.2015 @ 3:55 am

integrated

My cousin had to take the bus across the city to her elementary school back when we were kids. It was an attempt to make the schools more integrated. This was in the ’70’s. When I taught ESL in the 90’s at a school just outside DC, it was 30% immigrant kids and 70% African American. There were zero white kids going to that school. There were 500 kids in the school.

» Posted By RebeccaZuvedru On 01.18.2015 @ 1:54 pm

wallow

The pig wallowed in the mud. And I watched it from the side of the fence. What a boring site. What a boring life. I can’t believe I am stuck in this small town. Will I ever get out of here? I look up and see the first star of the evening and make my wish on it: Please give me a way to escape from this town.

I don’t have much faith in that wish as things like that have never worked out for me before. My dreams get crushed faster than these pigs finish their food. I’ve got to do something.

» Posted By RebeccaZuvedru On 01.16.2015 @ 10:51 pm

illogical

She began writing at the age of 47. She’d once had prodigious creativity, talent, perseverance, but she lacked confidence. Now she had that, mostly, until she stopped to contemplate the chances of her success. Nearly nil. But, she igored that and began. She wrote and she took classes and she joined writer’s groups. She met others who were making these same choices. She learned the only thing they had more of than she did was time. They hadn’t used so much of it. But, she

» Posted By RebeccaZuvedru On 07.10.2014 @ 5:56 am

overt

My brother’s overt hostility that day was frightening. I thought we were having a pleasant time, but suddenly he was angry and mean and threatening to call the police. It could have been that he thought I’d insulted his wife. His wife is a bitch. But I hadn’t said that. All I’d done was to ask him, nicely enough, if he could keep her from visiting our mother. Suddenly, his rage was boiling over and he wasn’t trying to hide anything.

» Posted By RebeccaZuvedru On 04.03.2014 @ 12:35 am

selective

I am being too selective about what I choose to write. I edit in my head before something even becomes a full thought. This is writer’s block, I suppose, and so I turn to oneword.com. It gets me writing … something … at least. I put aside today to write something, and so I feel as if I am wasting such an opportunity.

» Posted By RebeccaZuvedru On 03.24.2014 @ 5:37 am

modest

I have always been modest when I have a secret ambitious to be audacious. But, I don’t know where to even start with that. How can you go from all those years, believing you should not toot your own horn, to screaming out to the world to be noticed?

» Posted By RebeccaZuvedru On 03.10.2014 @ 5:35 am

grandfather

The grandfather was not handsome. In fact he was warty and had smelly ears. But, Jacob loved him and came to play with him as often as he could. As often as he was let out of the house to see him. But, that was not often. Usually he had to help father, cleaning the brushes and pot and giving critiques to the works. Some said his father was a madman. Jacob thought he was just mean.

» Posted By RebeccaZuvedru On 03.07.2014 @ 5:32 am

hapless

“If you are one of the hapless consumers who has recently purchased the K204, we recommend that you contact the manufacturer immediately.” Upon hearing this announcement, Sarah immediately ran outside just as her husband was turning on the motor for their new lawnmower.

» Posted By RebeccaZuvedru On 03.05.2014 @ 12:56 am

puppy

I watched the puppy biting at his leash. The kid didn’t know how to control it, but it looked ok at first. If only I had given in to my instinct to help him out, things could have been different.

» Posted By RebeccaZuvedru On 03.02.2014 @ 1:09 am

cold

I thought I knew what cold felt like. And then we moved to Lithuania. The first winter there, they had record breaking strings of cold days. Like North Dakota cold days. Reading about cold like that in no way prepares you for what it actually feels like. It’s even hard to remember what it really felt like. Not making you shiver cold. But, if you stay outside for too long you know that you could die cold.

» Posted By RebeccaZuvedru On 03.01.2014 @ 7:31 am

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