Comments Posted By Pork

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There are very few feature backs left in the NFL. Most are by committee. If I was a feature back in the NFL, I would use my fame and glory to make sex to as many light skinned black women as I could. Then I would spend all of my money and become a gym teacher at the age of 32.

» Posted By Pork On 11.25.2015 @ 7:17 pm


Hey you little lass, you look stunning. You look stunning enough for me to finger you with my penis. I think this, but I don’t say it. I stroll up to the lass, take her hand, caress it with my lips, and ask her to dance. Of course she says yes because I’m stunning myself. Whilst dancing, I proceed to stick my hand slowly up her dress. She says, is that your penis?!? No I say, my penis is smaller.

» Posted By Pork On 11.23.2011 @ 2:58 pm


I have never braided my hair before in my life. When I see girls with braids in their hair, I just want to grab those braids and drag the girl towards me. I want to rip those braids off and eat them, just eat it a little bit. Then give her a nice steak dinner and let her on her way. Yeah.

» Posted By Pork On 10.01.2011 @ 10:11 pm


I am concerned with the amount of unprotected sex going on in our great nation. I recently found out that a girl I was slaying has HPV. Do I have HPV? What is HPV? Can I die? Some people are like, “Google it you dumb fuck.” I say, fuck Google. I can’t trust that shit. I don’t trust doctors either, they concern me. My only choice is to have unprotected sex and see if my mates get HPV.

» Posted By Pork On 09.18.2011 @ 2:15 pm


I have never been involved in a shootout, but if I was, I would probably hide behind the jukebox like a little girl and sing that “AT FIRST I WAS AFRAID, I WAS PETRIFIED” song. Then after feeling like a pussy for 4 minutes I would gather my courage, stand up, scream to high heaven, then shoot myself in the head so I wouldn’t have to deal with the shootout anymore.

» Posted By Pork On 09.17.2011 @ 5:10 pm


Lost in the mist. Is that a phrase? It seems like it should be. What does it mean to me? I need some pussy. When I hear mist I think moist. And I need that moist pussy. I am a dreadful human being lost in time and space. Lost in the mist you could say. I need a beer and a woman in my life. I have neither. God damn mist.

» Posted By Pork On 08.29.2011 @ 6:31 pm


I am glowing because i am the most beautiful human specimen in the history of the earth. Just kidding I was chilling next to Hiroshima when the bomb went off and now I still glow of radiation poisoning. It’s kind of beat. Like I don’t want my kids to have three balls and 10 eyes but life is life. God damn America just blowing shit up all day everyday. I have this yellow glow about me that blinds everyone.

» Posted By Pork On 05.12.2011 @ 8:03 pm


I have a habit of doing things that society doesn’t approve of. I come over to my enemies houses and give them a frame bang. It’s where I slip into their wives real quick. Now they cheated. None of this rape bullshit. I yell surprise right before so it’s cool. Then my enemies are all pissed off and I frame someone like Ben Rapelisburger by wearing his jersey.

» Posted By Pork On 11.21.2010 @ 5:30 pm


It’s halloween, if I had fangs I would be a dumbass vampire. I would eat the shit out of some people and drink their blood and whatever. Then I would take over the world. I wouldn’t glitter like lose Twilight FAGGOTS. Fuck Twilight and fuck women sometimes. Jesus Christ just blow me and let me suck your blood.

» Posted By Pork On 10.31.2010 @ 6:49 pm


What becomes of a deranged man? Does he find a psychologist or does he start murdering the shit out of people? I like to think that he runs for office and then becomes the leader of the free world. What will become of me? Well I’ll probably get a fucking baller ass job, make mad money, have a hot wife, buy nice things, and live a life of sin. Sounds solid to me.

» Posted By Pork On 09.17.2010 @ 2:06 pm


Well some things have pouches like kangaroos. If I could to one thing with a Kangaroo pouch it would be to stick my dick in it, shoot my load into it, then bite the Kangaroo in the mouth and scream STEVE IRWIN and run straight into a sting ray to my death. Perfect way to die right there hats off to the people from Australia.

» Posted By Pork On 09.13.2010 @ 8:33 pm


Some people see the glass as half full. I see it half full of whiskey. I believe this is better because I’m optimistic, and I can get drunk. When I get whiskey drunk, I become belligerent and tend to rape and pillage. This makes me happy because it makes me feel like a man. In other news, women are half as good at everything compared to men.

» Posted By Pork On 07.25.2010 @ 4:12 pm


“You complete me” is an unmistakably cliche phrase. I hate that shit. You know what completes me? Not you. Beer. Give me a beer and I’m complete. Add tits and ass and done deal I’m in heaven.

» Posted By Pork On 07.24.2010 @ 8:56 pm


I am driven by lots of things. When I get up, the prospect of masturbating while pretending to shit with the shower running to mask it from my roommate drives me to shower. Going to work drives me to get a chicken sandwich at the cafeteria at work. Finally, I am driven to the bar so I can seduce chicks and destroy them sexually.

» Posted By Pork On 07.22.2010 @ 6:35 pm


I like sandwiches a whole bunch. The best kind of sandwich is a sandwich that a woman makes and hand feeds me bite by bite. The second best kind of sandwich is a hot lesbian sandwich with me in the middle. If they hand fed me sandwiches while they sandwiched me and let me put things in them, it would be the best day ever.

» Posted By Pork On 05.21.2010 @ 2:41 pm


I find meaning in the sweet vaginal wasteland of other people’s mothers. It makes me happy that I eat out so many pussies with meaning. I don’t find meaning in things like religion and sexual offenders.

» Posted By Pork On 05.15.2010 @ 3:28 pm

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