Comments Posted By Joan Clucas

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Cast. Casting. A word in portuguese, castelo, which means castle; that’s what came to my mind. What I imagine sometimes: being in a movie that reflects the story in my mind. It’s easier to imagine than to write it down. (I’m typing and deleting my words. yes, that’s my problem. That’s why i’m still a wannabe writer. That’s why i’m not an author yet.)
I was saying, the movie in my head. A movie about struggle in tough times. Where people try to work together to solve a problem and save as many lives as possible. And the furstration of not being able to move mountains to achieve it. The nerves and efforts to work against the clock and God. To fight difficulties. To survive and let miracles come true.
I love when I hear and feel my team mates hard time temper. Their angry shouts about injustice and hate of this burocracy world. Me, myself, I break things. I turn tables upside down and never say a word. Usually, these scenes end up with me jumping from high up into a pond or secret lake. The best gettaway to release any inside anger. A great escape to renew my patience and my mind. And then, life goes back to what it was again. To save people from natural disasters. Sometimes I get to go to interviews on TV and tell the world about my work and my thoughts on humanity. My answers are harsh to hear. I tell my side of the story with no fear for anything. Even thoughts of being denied entry in some countries do not stop me to say what reality really is. A man usually comes into the picture as well. A doctor most of the times. A handsome guy who works hard and makes me smile. He makes me relax and talk. He says I speak too little and work too much. He once went with me to one of those ceremonies where volunteers are awarded every year. We were the best guests on stage with our humor and warmful words. We would leave the place together and go eat in a nearby fastfood shop. The doctor guy would tell me his secrets. I would listen to them and get to like him more than I already had. He was a charming man. He knew how to kiss and his hugs were the best thing in the world. The sensation of having someone to hug after so long time is always very intense. It is only one of my day dreams but these hugs feel very real to me. I could feel it all.
Having someone to love and to hug feels wonderful. That thing I know. Sometimes it hurts just to think about it. Our thoughts never match what happens in real time. Our behaviour will never be the same as the ones we have when we dream. Only the words we say are the only thing that can happen the same way we imagine it. And we feel happy to have the opportunity to say them. Those words have a special meaning for us. It’s like a magical force to keep us going through hard times in life.
It never ends well. Never. Time and distance are always the worst enemies two people can have. And it’s usually during the last moments of these dreams that I fall asleep.

» Posted By Joan Clucas On 05.10.2015 @ 11:51 pm

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