Comments Posted By Jeff Goodman
Displaying 1 To 30 Of 218 Comments
There was duct tape
adding machine tape
all in the drawer
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 04.18.2016 @ 6:15 pm
I seemed to have gotten off in the wrong trench. I couldn’t even here the other squirrels chattering. I just kept going and going. And then it fluttered into my mind. I used to be in love with them, fellow corn nibblers, cuddly cousins. Hello! Hello out and over there!
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 01.03.2014 @ 8:00 am
The sardines bought sardines.
Without thumbs, they had trouble opening the miniature cans
so they got the tiny robots to do it for them.
When the robots laughed, it sounded like the rattle and clank
of roller coaster wheels going up up up.
What will the future bring?
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 08.18.2013 @ 12:49 pm
belly button? star?
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 08.17.2013 @ 2:03 pm
He flipped his lid. The top of his head unbuckled and flipped up and we could see in there, a brain like children wrestling.
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 08.16.2013 @ 9:22 am
There are tiny people who live in the little holes in my telephone receiver, sitting in them like they are dry hot tubs. (I’m talking about the old style receiver you hardly see any more.) One group lives in the holes in the ear end, the other in the holes in the mouth end. They get cranky because it’s always dark when the phone is hung up. So, ever once in a while, I take the phone off the hook, face the handset upwards, and put it in the sun. That’s why sometimes you get a busy signal when you call even though you know I’m home.
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 08.08.2013 @ 12:55 pm
The rat has nipples like other mammals. Her sons are called pups. Her truth flows in milk.
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 08.09.2013 @ 1:37 pm
The opened him up like a duffel bag and pulled out the small package from behind his liver. It was covered in white paper and tied with a blue ribbon.
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 08.07.2013 @ 11:36 am
Despite the little girl’s entreaties, the hedgehog wasn’t interested in eating her shoes, so he said he was fasting.
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 08.06.2013 @ 7:54 am
The last thing he did — in fact it killed him — was to drink plaster. I suppose he’s rotted away now, but the plaster shape of his gastrointestinal tract remains.
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 07.26.2013 @ 11:16 am
He ate mozzarella cheese on wafers. In his white pajamas. On a cloud. Was he dead? Yes, he was dead.
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 05.08.2013 @ 12:09 pm
We tried so hard to hold on to the roast beef horseradish afternoon sun crusty bread lemon merengue pie memory even as the strong wind of time blew it from us, even as death touched us on the shoulders and pointed over the low hills.
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 04.27.2013 @ 3:11 pm
The trees bent down so low, he thought they were going to tie his shoes for him. Then he realized they were giving him a present: a robot, made entirely of twigs, with a tiny wooden face and the cutest pair of bark underpants.
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 04.01.2013 @ 1:38 pm
I am listening to the fog in myself.
It sounds like two mice are about.
They have dew in their whiskers
and they are discussing the moss.
One of them holds up a lichen umbrella
and does a funny sad dance.
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 03.25.2013 @ 7:40 am
I drank all the rocket fuel,
said the bunny to the hen.
See you in the moon, I guess!
See you up above Scranton!
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 03.15.2013 @ 7:56 am
Mr. and Mrs. Dry Goods Salesmen were so successful that they had to put a traffic light in the underpants section of their flagship store.
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 03.06.2013 @ 11:42 am
When no one was looking and the amusement park was closed, the roller coaster leaned over and bit the tunnel of love right on the cave rim.
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 03.06.2013 @ 7:17 am
It is so easy to startle an individual bean in a bowl of bean soup. What you do is drape yourself with a tomato or hide behind a piece of onion; and then, just as the spoon sweeps by, you jump out at an unsuspecting bean. It happens every day.
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 02.25.2013 @ 11:19 am
“It’s a sinister bannister,” said the barrister to his sister.
“It doesn’t qualify as a disaster” responded his sister. “But, it goes long way towards explaining why I’m a spinster, despite my being sincere and never having had scurvy.”
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 02.06.2013 @ 12:37 pm
She taught animal husbandry at the night school. Her class was small, just two retired school teachers and a pipe fitter from the glue factory. They began with gerbils and progressed through guinea pigs, possums and stout.
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 02.04.2013 @ 11:36 am
The bundle of black hair visited the red velvet lined box.
It was tied with a string like a shorn ponytail.
Inside the box there were no windows or doors
just quilted walls and dim illumination
like a casket in a dream.
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 01.28.2013 @ 12:33 pm
We walk slowly
but the trees
are still a blur
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 01.25.2013 @ 11:40 am
The winter sun danced to the musical sound of me falling down the stairs.
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 01.23.2013 @ 11:30 am
The bandage visited the wound. It brought chocolates, only the wound was not hungry for chocolates. “Do you have any watches?” the wound asked. “That’s what I like to eat most of all. The minute hand is like a little drumstick. Or an hourglass in a fancy stand? As sad as I am: a pendulum would do, though I might spit out the string.”
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 01.21.2013 @ 12:29 pm
God put a pebble in his mouth. He chewed it without worrying about his teeth, because he was God. There was fog in his hairdo and a faraway look in his eyes, like starfields.
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 01.19.2013 @ 11:33 am
The sound of your voice.
What is the last sound I will hear?
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 01.18.2013 @ 11:46 am
The moon chose the sun as a partner.
The ocean waves chose the cliff face.
The hairdo chose the wind.
The barbershop chose the light coming in through the back window
onto the black and white checked floor.
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 01.17.2013 @ 11:43 am
The helmet whispered in my ear, “Hey, fathead, hey dummy, hey dolt. Hey stinkball, hey pincer, hey stoop.” And then it put a scrub brush on its head, and we went off to be a part of a Bugs Bunny cartoon.
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 01.15.2013 @ 12:45 pm
The hair stood at the top of the mole and gave a little speech. “I am here today to honor our chin, ambassador of the face, happy advance man for our team of self.”
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 01.14.2013 @ 12:54 pm
Back To Stats Page
I have to be in the NE corner of the room by six o’clock, said the mayonnaise inspector, with a naughty gleam in his eye.
» Posted By Jeff Goodman On 01.13.2013 @ 8:30 am