Comments Posted By Hayden

Displaying 1 To 30 Of 73 Comments

broken

The vase was broken because the cat pushed it off when it jumped up the countertop

» Posted By Hayden On 09.07.2017 @ 9:07 am

catch

I threw the ball to my brother and he made a good catch.

» Posted By Hayden On 09.01.2017 @ 1:44 pm

tradition

Old vs New? Structure vs Implementation of re-design? Clothing. History. Purpose.

» Posted By Hayden On 01.03.2017 @ 11:02 am

bland

I think of the many great transcendentalists who isolated themselves to feel the euphoria
I practice being alone and I promise myself everything is beautiful
I wait for my hopes to elate while I say goodbye and I think this is finally it
lonely never felt so good

» Posted By Hayden On 02.09.2015 @ 10:49 am

induce

black tea

holding onto death while biting your lip

irrelevant whether you live or die

you say goodnight

» Posted By Hayden On 01.25.2015 @ 6:40 am

study

You tell me I have developed bad habits.
You tell me I am not sick. Tell me the anorexia is long gone.
You tell me I have developed the worst habits. But no, no, you say. You are not sick.
You are more than the stars in the sky put together in a jar.

I then say this. You do not know me. You cannot begin to study me like an exam and tell me what or how I am. You do not know me. You cannot tell the way my bones ache at night, you cannot tell me I am worth the sky. I am not your sky. I am my own. I bleed and cringe at the sight of you.

You are not what you say you are.
Justifying that I am seemingly dead already. I have to prove, prove, prove. If I don’t show it, I must not be it. So you feel.

Nightmarish reality now comes down from the altered states. I seem to wallow. It is up to you, you say.
To be on your best. You can choose, you say. To be on your best, you say, is to control.

I try to prove.
prove.
prove.

I am not in control. I am the paint that you paint over vulgarities with. I am not the night sky. I am a mistake.

This is a mistake, I say.
You say, a mistake? How could you?

I respond with the highest regards.

of hatred. of dignity. of passion.

How could I? I am not your mistake. I am mine.

You groan. You say, You are not yours nor mine.
You are the night sky. You are an extremity. An endless pool. Own it, you say.

I have nothing to own! I scream. You come to me with no boundaries. No room to talk. Just to force. You force feed me to prove. prove. prove.

That I am lost, lost for me.

I am my disorder. I am not your extremity.

I will sink to the bottom, bringing nothing in return.
Only control, I say.
You’re next, I say.

You’re sick, you say.
I become all the things I never wanted to be. Your night sky. Your endless pool. An extremity.

Yours. Yours. Yours.

It’s too late, I say.

Far gone never was an excuse.

» Posted By Hayden On 01.24.2015 @ 11:07 pm

offering

body and blood. body and blood.
I am the offering.

» Posted By Hayden On 01.21.2015 @ 10:38 pm

soar

I have seen many juliettes running from their romeo (remembrance)
too many trees shedding their leaves in this falling world
I am wistful; you are not lucid
I think of the many planes that have disappeared; I think of you. your smile
keeps me up in the clouds with them. So I can remember. How I felt, How I felt.
soaring above me is the gates to your faith that I try to follow. My own is full of lies and trembling. (remembrance).
I try to follow you, try to call to you. The lines ring clear of your voice each time.
I am trembling. Calling out to you, you tell me I am lucid. Tell me not to call your name any longer.
I always told you I wanted to be Juliette in the school play. You tell me no.
I listen. Go along with everyone else until I say
I am NOT lucid. I am far gone. No longer do I wish to be a part of your name. (remembrance)
and when I arrive you ask me why I am out of breath, I say.
velveteen as my heart, I am all too visible.

» Posted By Hayden On 01.10.2015 @ 10:07 am

wintertime

winter solstices mark one month:

i’m tied to you baby
through and through with it baby

take me out on your crash course
take me out just buying time
take me out to fill the void
take me out every night of your life

i’m trying baby
crying and crying for you baby

kill me euphoria
take me out during trying times
i’ll be there everytime you decide to try

we’ll mend eventually (x2)

» Posted By Hayden On 12.21.2014 @ 9:51 pm

farmers

i still love you when you’re high/ as you dry my eyes/ I am burning for you/ i want to kiss you with our eyes open/ eyes open/ our hearts only meant it x3/ lips touched once and never again

» Posted By Hayden On 11.09.2014 @ 4:55 pm

locket

a working list of things i want to share with you sits by my bed

you were the first person to touch me

i still feel you in my dreams

i think about kissing you on new years

the lipstick stains, flushed cheeks

i think about your smiling eyes

as you dry mine i feel restless.

requiem plays in the backround

and i start to feel empty again,

a new year, a new day

starting out whole and ending emptier and emptier

you were never mine and most importantly i was never yours

» Posted By Hayden On 10.11.2014 @ 5:01 pm

doubt

Sometimes i lay in bed all day and wonder what it would be like to die. Sometimes i stay out all night and wonder why i’d want anything else but to live. Sometimes i doubt your motives, but more often than not i doubt mine.

» Posted By Hayden On 10.05.2014 @ 12:33 pm

earrings

Staying up talking to you made me realize my worth
made me cling to an idea rather than a moment-
kept me going for days.
Im more thankful for the stars now,
but i cry every night when i see them,
because it reminds me of who i used to be.
She always reminded me: you are made from the same matter as the stars,
so infite and spare all at once:
You are never weak.
For days i tried to make sense of distance,
Asked myself whether knowing someone was really knowing them at all.
Prayed to the moon’s far side that three years wasn’t too long.
I didn’t find an answer, but i started to find hope in the little things.
I left a lot of things unsaid, but more things spoke clear over time.
Communication and balance came with long walks and swimming in the creek.
I always knew it was key, i never told you.
I have a new perspective on summer now, how always oppurtunities strike when the asphalt is burning: my brain does too. It makes sense of things for you. Makes sense of them for me.

» Posted By Hayden On 07.14.2014 @ 5:15 pm

coil

suddenly i am 14 again when i see you in the hallway
2 years poured back into my heart
i feel your hand on mine
you can drive now
i can smell you amongst the others

» Posted By Hayden On 05.22.2014 @ 1:51 pm

weathered

My body is weathered.
When I think of you again, under the lilac bush
I will retreat back into my shell of thinking you were the one.
Each night before going to bed I will pray the rosary
hoping you’ll find you’re way back to me.
Soon even then I will convince myself that it is only the summer heat.
You are no longer what controls me, it is different now.
That night i will pray the rosary ten times hoping you’ll get lost.
I saw a hummingbird once. It reminded me of the day my sister read me poems and we drank sweet tea. When I was careless. Content. Now the tea seems too sweet. I am not myself anymore. I am weathered. Dark Purple, Bruised but not beaten. Lost without dismay. And I like it. For a split second I think This is it. This is who I really am. But then I see you in school; You were my best. My worst. We sold the bench we sat at. The grass doesn’t grow there anymore. I don’t grow anymore, for I am stunted.

» Posted By Hayden On 05.13.2014 @ 1:40 pm

wilderness

2 am knows no bounds for what a yard can remember. I recall stealing a beer from your basement, a kiss from your cheek. I want to get lost with you, ask you on a hike, a picnic. I want to be the Jo to your Jack, or maybe the Tallulah to your Charlie. 3 am knows no bounds for i am calling out to you. It is my 2nd shift, you are a lifeline. In the crowded seats you ask me about my favorite band. I can hardly answer you back for the laugh lines in your smile erupts star showers in my memories. I am shattered all too soon. Before the credits roll, I am unconscious. 4 am knows no bounds for what a line can ignite in snaps and coos. I’ve always wanted it to be you. I remember the first time we touched. The lights dimmed around your silhouette. I called and called, but instead found the note. It said you loved everyone but I always wanted it to be me. I left a carving on our tree. I tell everyone I meet about our first kiss. It was the picnic bench. A perfect lulluby into my past lovers and wanderers. You never denied that you were worthy. I always envied that about you. Still you stay a facade, a distant echo all too close to touch. But still it’s me. 5 am knows no bounds for I am empty. Longing, empty for you.

» Posted By Hayden On 05.12.2014 @ 2:09 am

belated

i told you happy belated birthday
you never got it

» Posted By Hayden On 02.23.2014 @ 9:29 am

wavelength

one morning i decided i’ve gone the wavelength
everything with go downhill from here
but in the opposite way that you think
i’m free from here on out, i’ve paid my respects
spent you cold nights crying, soaking it up.
i decided i couldn’t write without it to make someone cry
to make me cry, i always tried.

» Posted By Hayden On 02.10.2014 @ 11:50 am

harm

the semester hasn’t ended
though, we did.
i stay home from school constantly
i think i will run into you somewhere
but i am wrong.

» Posted By Hayden On 01.16.2014 @ 9:43 am

orders

the night the stars shone extra bright
we ordered chinese and ate with your mother.
i felt so hollow the whole time.
even in early morning when i beckoned you onto the loveseat.
you were already gone.

» Posted By Hayden On 01.13.2014 @ 4:16 pm

sill

1.

i spend my evening by the windowsill
once affectionate for the nights
i’m now ambivalent.

» Posted By Hayden On 01.11.2014 @ 2:25 pm

bourbon

sure, i think about our moments
the times we’ve shared
i think about new years half the day
as the sun comes up,
as you dry my eyes.

i quit all the things i love,
it’s only about time i’ve chosen to quit you.
Maybe i anticipated it all wrong
quitting you cold turkey
only set me off.

I’m ready to be over it,
over like the moon’s far side:
i’m disappearing.

» Posted By Hayden On 01.09.2014 @ 5:14 pm

wreath

i wish i could be like you
crafty for hours on end
making wreaths for the holidays and
pumpkin pie.

this year i didn’t even pick out a tree.
each side, both persistent for an outcome found me,
indecisive, in my room, hours on end
writing what i couldn’t always write.

i didn’t want anything to do with you, i wanted everything.

» Posted By Hayden On 12.15.2013 @ 11:50 am

mechanism

is feeling lonely just a defense mechanism to not living life to its fullest?

» Posted By Hayden On 12.09.2013 @ 3:14 pm

stencil

i want to
face the fact
i was stenciled different
i have waited so long
to be
it is time now to change
for the better
and for the worse
this is now the time
i have
to live as one
not as two
but myself
and cherish you and i

» Posted By Hayden On 11.30.2013 @ 6:44 am

unthinkable

you ask me each time i dwindle
i fall in love with you each time- you ask me
if i’m thinking about you or what
and i say i’m thinking about your cuteness
you held my hand on the backroads
turkeys flocked before our eyes
i thought i saw my life flash before my eyes
turns out it was only love
flashing back to when i was unable to admit it

» Posted By Hayden On 11.28.2013 @ 10:23 am

derive

i have lied to each person who has asked me
“where do you derive from?”
sometimes i say greek
sometimes german
maybe french.

i make them lie to themselves, too.

» Posted By Hayden On 11.26.2013 @ 2:25 pm

selling

do i care
whether or not
you sell?
I guess it
depends,
but really
i was sold
when i looked
at you, too.

» Posted By Hayden On 11.24.2013 @ 5:17 am

television

I lied
Played pure in my bed
As the television groaned in the back
I lied.
All I do is lie anymore
Under the windowless sky
I cannot pinpoint the day it started
Maybe when I isolated myself survivour

» Posted By Hayden On 11.22.2013 @ 4:35 am

sandcastle

chincoteague island as a young one
i grew fishing for crabs and capturing sea ponies by polaroid
now i grow, fishing for you- smitten.

» Posted By Hayden On 11.18.2013 @ 1:01 pm

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