Comments Posted By GmaCis
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The rug cold and wet beneath her feet. She wondered what caused this. Stepping over rest of the rug, wanting to prevent anymore moister to go through her socks. There was no sign of a leak in the house or through the door. Had someone spilled on it. If so who? She lived alone. Had someone been inside her apartment? Could they still be there? Thinking about leaving, with keys and purse still in her hands. She grabbed her shoes, they were by the front door where she kicked them off like she did evertime she came inside.
» Posted By GmaCis On 01.19.2019 @ 8:49 am
A square piece of plastic with two holes side by side. Holding it in his right hand observing it with his left. He thought to himself what could it be? It appeared to have plastic tape wrapped inside but nowhere for it to come in or out. More like a perpetual wheel, the plastic tape just wound around and around. Sitting in the attic, rifling through his mother’s belongings from the past, he wished she was alive to share with him what this unusual piece of plastic was. He had just blown out all 12 candles on his birthday cake the day before. When he closed his eyes to make a wish, one he had made for the past five years, he knew when he opened his eyes she wouldn’t be there. It still did not stop him from wishing the same wish year after year. Yet, this year he decided if he couldn’t have her back, he would find a way to connect with her. So, his gift to himself was waiting until his father left for his Saturday morning tennis match. He went to a place his father had forbid him to go. He was told it was best to let the past rest. “Rest”, he would think over and over, what does that mean. He longed to know who she was, what she was like and how different life would have been if she hadn’t ended her life early. It was cold and damp in the attic, placing his body through what looks like a trap door in the ceiling, he pulled himself up and through the hole. His eyes grew big, looking around he could tell that all of her belongings had been placed in this place. Above his head all these years. He had been in arms reach and did not even realize it. There was a part of him who wished he could have let the past rest but another part that had become restless over the past two years. A part of him that could not imagine his future without the knowledge of the woman that brought him into this world. He had vague memories. Every year they would slowly slip away and his memories become memories of memories. He use to remember what she smelled like. He knew when she would come and go by her sent but even that had faded with the years.
» Posted By GmaCis On 01.07.2019 @ 7:10 am
She lived to be in a musical. She danced her way into adulthood. Singing any chance, she had. Whether it was in the shower or the kitchen or even on the subway. When the day finally came for her to audition, it was as if she had won the lottery. She knew she was anything but a fantastic singer but what she lacked in skill she made up for in energy and the love for singing and the power to get others to sing along.
When she was a young girl she could get the family to join her in a group sing-along from just the look on her face. She was voted most likely to get a record deal back when records were a thing in her high school. Again, not because she had a great voice but because she had a great spirit that everyone wanted to follow.
Alone she didn’t sound that great but get her in a group and a group she picked out and it was a whole other story. The power she had to harmonize with strangers, the power she had to get people to step out of their own comfort zone in such a short time, that was her true talent.
People believed in her, but they could not tell you why. When they collectively opened their mouths and sang a tune, it was pure bliss, beauty out of words being sung with a group of strangers for just a moment in time. How was she to prepare for an audition that required her to bring along a group of strangers to sit in an auditorium of judges? Who would she pick? How would she pick?
She knew she had to leave the picking up to the spirit, “let the universe lead the way.” She could hear her uncle whispering this truth into her ear as she was pondering how to “get it done.” She had to trust her yes over her fear and move forward on the call. That is what she did, and it became one of the best auditions the music hall had ever heard or scene. The write up in the paper was proof that she did not dream about what she dreamt about.
It was not a dream, this was her reality. There was no turning back. There was no denying all she believes to be true. It was her gift to the word to gather and give back through song and dance. Who cares if she had no formal training in both these two areas. People were inspired and that was all she cared about. She knew in her core that when one is inspired it gives one purpose to get up out of bed every morning. It gives people an undeniable reason to believe.
» Posted By GmaCis On 12.28.2018 @ 8:06 am
The ornament dropped out of her hand. Fell to the ground with no time to try to catch it. Tripping over all the wrapping paper, an obstacle of some kind that caused her to lose her balance. This particuar ornament had been passed down from one family member to the next for the last three decades. Now, where does she go from here? A broken ornament, a broken promise, and broken past. Was it just a sign that everything was coming to an end. The shattering open of the glass ornament felt like the shattering going on inside her heart and soul. Last year at this time they were referred to as a couple, Mr. and Mrs. a family. Now she is not sure what to call herself. She despised the word x, a life that is how you erase and forget. My ex-wife my ex-husband, it seems cold and distant. Even though they were no longer a couple they still shared history, children, and a company that they built together from the ground up. So even though legal they were considered X so and so, she knew in her heart of hearts that their connection was still strong, just on a different level
» Posted By GmaCis On 12.27.2018 @ 8:56 am
Cutting corners seemed like a good idea. Until a letter arrived in her mailbox. Not the kind that she opened on her computer, no, the mailbox that she rarely found items since the arrival of the internet. In fact, her mailbox became a dusty old cave the held junk every now and then. She checked the tiny cave every Friday, more so out of habit. There was never anything important in the box nowadays. At least until this Friday. With interest and a bit of concern, she opened the letter. The first four works brought her to her knees. “you have been caught.”
» Posted By GmaCis On 11.28.2018 @ 7:17 am
How much silverware does one person need? She always thought that as a little girl but here she stood in her childhood home, back from the holidays. Her mother asked if she could set the table. The thought crossed her mind but this time after decades of thinking it, she said it out loud. “Mother, how much silverware does one person need?”
She did not mean it out of disrespect but curiosity, it had been a question that haunted her most of life. She was hoping for a genuine response that would put it all to rest. That is not what she got. Her mother slammed the china plates down on the table, so hard Lily thought they were going to shattered right there in front of them both.
Her mother paused after her dramatic performance looked Little in the eyes and laid into her. It was as if her mother was waiting for this day to come. As if she had rehearsed the speech she was about to give. Gail, that is what her mother liked to go by even though it wasn’t her name and Lily never asked that why. Gail cleared her through, picked up a table setting and started shaking them as she spoke, it must have been her way of making a pint.
“Now, you hear me, Lily Anne, what are you getting at? What kind of judgmental question is that.” It never was a concern of yours before you went away to the University” “What could they possibly be teaching you there that would cause you to return home and ask such a rude question?”
Lily knew her mother was a drama queen, yet she had never seen this side of her. An angry person showed up at the end of the table, an angry person who did not seem to want to have a conversation but give a lecture to her grown daughter. A lecture to her daughter who asked a simple question, not disrespectfully but out of interest she wanted to know.
» Posted By GmaCis On 11.19.2018 @ 7:50 am
“Denied” stamped across her paper. “how could this be” ran through her head. She had entered this building several times over the last year. Denied, what was this all about. Was she reading this right?
» Posted By GmaCis On 11.18.2018 @ 8:15 am
Hghi five! A slap on the hand. A simple gesture. One from our childhood yet it brought great memories as our hands slept into one another as we stopped back/ It was like a time machine. As our fingers touched I was taken back to the summer of 1986.
» Posted By GmaCis On 10.16.2018 @ 8:01 am
His gesture made me feel like I was three again. Did he not see I was a grown woman. It had been over ten years since we had come face to face with one another. I believe he feared my mother’s wrath. Yet, I had not heard the story of why he left one day and never came back. If it had not been for social media and a sister I did not know I had, he and I would not have met face to face. Maybe he would not have ever agreed to meet with me if it had not been for her. How could I have a sister and not even know it? Of course, I knew intellectually but I guess there was still a three-year-old deep inside who was confused. This woman, or teenager who called the same man I called father, father was the one who found me and sent a private message. With a few questions, she was able to connect the dots and confirm that we were related. We shared the same last name, the same blood ran through our veins. Growing up I had always dreamed of having someone to call a sibling. Little did I know that dream would come true so many years later. Now I had questions for him, for Hank. I could not call him father or dad since he decided the day he left never to look back. It was a few years after the door shut that a new one opened along with a new chapter in my mothers and my life. She met a man at her office and they started dating and after a few short months she had a new husband and I had a new dad. A simple I do was all it took, or that is how it felt as a young child. Not really understanding how a mom and dad became parents. I thought it was more about a ceremony than an act between two people. Though I vaguely remember Hank, seeing him after all the years that had gone by, I remembered how he smelt the moment we made eye contact. He did not bring my sister with him, that might have been a little more awkward, though I wanted to meet her more than see him. Hank looked like an old man, or maybe he just didn’t age well. Mom never brought him up, and I never asked. It was here today gone tomorrow and that was all I remembered of the man I use to call my dad.
» Posted By GmaCis On 10.15.2018 @ 8:18 am
My vagina is not a commodity. That is what was running through her head. The purity movement of her church seemed like something from the old testament writings. Where marriage and virginity was a business deal. Saving one’s self-had nothing to do with love but everything to do with a transaction. Making sure that the groom and his family were receiving a possession that had never been touched. Now thousands of years later the purity movement has become a thing, where ceremonies happen within the walls of religious institutions. Rings are put on the fingers of those who have committed to “saving” their selves until marriage. As if the most important part of who they are lies between their legs. Really, is vagina a gift to my husband? What about all the other parts of my body as well as my intellect. And it seems like the emphasis is put more on the girls/woman than the men. It is a confusing message to think that purity is about not having sex before one is married, a tradition from the days of business deals where a woman was property, not equal to men. I have no problem with someone saying they want to wait to experience sex until they are married if done for the right reason, not out of guilt or shame. There are emotional, spiritual and physical reasons that would and could and should be great for one to experience sex for the first time with someone they plan on spending the rest of their life with. However, it does not make one less pure if they choose to experience sexuality before marriage. And what does that mean to those who have been raped, those who have been abused and that area of their body violated, are they no longer pure are they less than those who have never been touched? Is purity not something that starts in the mind? How many girls and boys are walking around feeling guilty and shameful because they made a choice whether in the moment or planned to experience sex? The human body once reaching a certain age and time was and is created to be sexual. How do we tell people to wait when they might be well in their prime. Yes discipline is important and everyone has their own convictions for why they wait or not but to make purity a movement and to place that kind of pressure on young impressionable minds can cause long-lasting damage that I do not believe is a good plan of action for helping young people prepare for that part of coming of age. It has been proven that when you tell people especially young people “do not” they naturally become curious and rebel against the “do not” what would happen if we shared the complete truth about sexuality all aspects and then said we will leave it up to you, I trust you to make the best and right decision for you and if and when you do and you feel like it was too much or too soon then leave space open for conversation around that choice. My vagina is not a commodity, my sexuality is not a gift, I am more than my body and if and when I choose to experience sex it will not be because of pressure but because of my own choice. To think that I am “saving myself” for marriage seems so backward. This kind of thinking and upbringing has been known to backfire as well. More teenage pregnancies happen to girls and boys who were told don’t do, wait, stay pure, what’s between your legs is a gift. This is bullshi.
» Posted By GmaCis On 10.13.2018 @ 9:20 am
The dust from the chalk floated off the board. It looked like magic in the air. Like the teacher was trying to put a spell on the students by simply erasing what she wrote. The chalkboard was more like a place to step into, to disappear for even a moment as the teacher wrote a question for the students to answer and quickly erased her example as for them to come up with their own. Little Tommy in the back row put out his hand hoping to catch some of the dust, hoping that the magic from the leftover words would fall on his hands and he could write about the time he felt like he could be anything he ever wanted to be in the world. Being all of ten years old he felt limited in his choices, though he wouldn’t use the word limited, he just knew inside there didn’t seem to be much for him to choose from. He didn’t want to put down a fake superhero, that felt silly and childish. And even though he was still a child, due to the circumstances of his upbrining he had gone through more in his ten years of life than most people ever due in their whole life time. A loss of a parent, moving schools six times in three years, almost ending up in the system, which he wasn’t sure what that meant but he felt like being in a system met being without his siblings and that made him feel sad and lonely. What he wished he could be was someone who could bring people back from the dead, someone who could breathe life back into the mouth of his mother who he saw dies in her bed as he stood back watching his father cry for the first time. He wanted to bring life back as it uses to be before his mother left them all to fend for themselves. Could catching the chalk dust help him figure out the answer to the question. Tommy was a serious student even though his grades were never the best and his attention was not always fully there in the classroom, he did take school seriously yet he also had much bigger experiences that pulled him from giving his all to the assignments of the day, the conversations between his teacher and classmates and even from participating fully on the playground. Tommy wanted to return to feeling like a kid but he realized those days were long gone, lost when he let go of his mom the night before his 10th birthday. Now almost 8 months later he wonders what he would be or do that could change the world, his world, a world around him if he could do or be anything.
» Posted By GmaCis On 10.11.2018 @ 7:20 am
The strings popped off, one after another. How could ukulele break? I just bought it. I thought it would be a fun hobby and a great souvenir from the island. The strings now looked like hard spaghetti noodles and I was left with this small wooden toy with a hole in the middle. I did not know how to fix the strings let alone where to buy new strings. My dream of becoming a professional player seem to break in to like the strings popping off the wooden box.
» Posted By GmaCis On 10.10.2018 @ 7:16 am
What was so consequential about the moment? The scene was the same as the day before. Okay, he was there, but so what, I had not cared about him for over a year. I did not care about him at that moment. I wish everyone would just get off my back and leave me alone. I did not care, I will not care. It ended badly and it will remain bad.
» Posted By GmaCis On 10.08.2018 @ 8:39 pm
“Not a jealous bone in her body!” I could not believe my ears. Was he in denial about his wife or was he making a joke. The recent outburst at the company party made me think he was joking. John was a wise man. He did not allow the opinions of others to dictate the choices he made. However, if being jealous was an article of clothing, his wife wore it like a jumpsuit.
» Posted By GmaCis On 09.06.2018 @ 9:37 am
“Cousin! How many years?” She shouted over the noise of the music. Weddings and funerals. It seems like those were the times that brought them together. After each celebration, they would both hug in agreement not to wait until the passing of a person our the exchanging of vows. Yet, there they stood, five years gone by and repeated the same sentiment as they did just a half a decade ago. They were more like sisters, closer than a cousin birthed out of I do but she did not know how to make that come in handy.
» Posted By GmaCis On 09.05.2018 @ 7:37 am
The seatbelt burned my fingers. Metal was sitting in the sun all afternoon. By the time I reached my car, it was over 100 outside. I needed to use my napkin just to get the belt on. I remember the time when I did not even think about where the safety contraption and now its a law,
» Posted By GmaCis On 09.04.2018 @ 6:54 pm
Crafty, not a word she would use to describe her daughter. When she found out she was having a girl, she started having dreams of the two of them sewing together, dresses, doll clothes, even tiny socks for tiny feet. Yet by the time her daughter was 5, she could tell that crafty was not in her cars. At least not the crafty she envisioned. But her daughter was crafty, just not in the way she thought of crafty.
» Posted By GmaCis On 08.15.2018 @ 8:42 am
Pedals, dried, stuck to the flower of the atrium. How long had they been part of the floor? Would anyone notice if they were cleaned up? When she looked down and saw how many were there it made her think of the pain of her past in pieces stuck to her heart. Wondering if she could clean it up like one would peal and pull back dried flowers from the ground.
» Posted By GmaCis On 08.11.2018 @ 8:02 am
She saw him out of the corner of her eye. His back was up against the atrium. She had not seen him since the trial. “Should I just walk up and say hi?” She thought to herself. Sweat ran down her armpits, her nerves were in a bunch like bananas clustered together not wanting to be pulled apart.
» Posted By GmaCis On 08.10.2018 @ 9:26 am
The central theme of her life, gone. Everyone was gone. One by one they left her. When it first started happening she thought it was a cousidance. Yet, after the fifth person said their goodbye she took a look at herself and asked, “could this be me?” Having people leave her was something she was used to. She had an attitude of “I don’t need anyone anyway” but now as her 30th birthday was approaching she admitted to herself because herself was all she had that she was lonely. What was it about me, she thought that made people stick around just long enough to make the goodbye not sting but burn. Burn like as if she had sat outside in the sun a little too long, eventually, it would go away and she would forget about the burn and the goodbye. It was Tim for her to address this theme in her life. How? She was not sure but she knew another decade of goodbyes would not be good for her and the feeling of loneliness she finally admitted to herself was something she could no longer handle.
» Posted By GmaCis On 08.06.2018 @ 9:17 am
They gathered and scattered. The fire was roaring. They were caught between their house and the back fences that divided their friendship. They said their goodbyes and said prayers for one another. Packing their people in their cars and driving away from the box they called their homes. Both families going far away from the fire that was threating to destroy the only place their littles had ever known as home. The children were silent, it was deafening to his ears. He was use to hearing the chattered and banter of both the boys and girls fighting for the coveted seat by the window in the back behind the driver, yet et not today. The pure silence was all he could hear all he could feel. Fear was rolling around in the car, not with words but in spirit. He said a silent prayer as he reached for the hand of his wife of 15 years. They had never been through a life-threatening disaster in all the years they had been married. And even though he knew his house was only a place to hold his loved ones and that those loved ones were safe with him he still felt the fear of driving away and seeing the fire in the hills approaching the house they called home. He had to stop looking back and he realized he needed to focus on the future. A future where he could get them all to safety and a future where he could lean on the faith that had carried him through the loss of parents, a sibling, a job and almost his marriage early on. He knew his faith was bigger than the fire. He knew that the significance of fire from the standpoint of faith. But at this very moment, he had to concentrate on getting all his family to safety and taking one moment as it comes and let the next moment arrive on its own without him jumping into it before it’s time.
» Posted By GmaCis On 08.02.2018 @ 7:16 am
Scattered all around her were the bodies of her loved ones. Mother, father, brothers, and sisters. How could she help? They were all dead. She needed help. The shocked of what she was seeing caused her to freeze in her tracks Who could have done this? Why would they have done this? Was she safe just standing there wondering?
» Posted By GmaCis On 08.01.2018 @ 7:11 am
The lighter side of life is also the laughter side of life. When I find myself laughing more than crying or pondering. I find that I am in a place of lightness. This place allows energy to flow through me and to me. Energy does not get stuck when I am allowing the lighter side of life to place a role in my everyday part of learning to hold space.
» Posted By GmaCis On 03.11.2018 @ 3:54 pm
Everyone wants to be a comedian. Or maybe not maybe that is just what everyone thinks. I am not sure where that phrase came from. It actually sounds like sarcasm the more I think about it. I think there are people who have a natural nack for being funny on the spot and than those who don’t..
» Posted By GmaCis On 03.08.2018 @ 9:25 am
Conflict inside of my own mind. Should I stay or should I go. I did not feel heard. He stopped looked me in the eyes as I said goodbye. The car was packed. My mind was made up. I drove away not a single tear in my eyes. I was determined to be heard, seen and known. Until he could make space for all of me I had to find a place where I could breath, think and sit still.
» Posted By GmaCis On 03.05.2018 @ 1:25 pm
The heartache is more than the headache can take. It comes in waves. How could he have left. No word, no sign. I just woke up one day and he was gone. I am left alone wondering and wounded by all that he left me with. All the pieces to fill in. How do I tell the children How do I make sense of why he decided to leave.
» Posted By GmaCis On 03.01.2018 @ 5:57 pm
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The heartache caused by the loss of a loved one never ends. It could be years since someone has died and it only takes a moment for tears to come to the eyes. Grief has away of showing up unannounced. I wonder if we will ever find away to navigate through the heartache of loss.
» Posted By GmaCis On 02.28.2018 @ 11:26 am