Comments Posted By Estevan

Displaying 1 To 30 Of 42 Comments

earbuds

man i lost my frickin earbuds again i hope my cat didn’t eat them because if it did that would be the 43w848343t8934t3th pair of earbuds it’s eaten and the doctor said if it eats one more i’m gonna get a stress-induced heart attack and possibly die which is kinda worrisome!!! oh well. earbuds are bad for your ears anyway, last i heard they can make you go deaf! before i went deaf

» Posted By Estevan On 08.19.2017 @ 3:57 pm

disposable

that’s a nice disposable chair you got there. did you buy it from your mom? oh snap. i gotcha. gotcha real good. i think clams are like tomatoes of the ocean. what do you think? will you marry me now? it’s okay if you don’t want to but you have to want to. no choice. anyway, pizza is a really good, ya feel? i like pepperoni mostly because it sounds funny. if it didn’t sound so funny i would probably call it something else.

» Posted By Estevan On 02.28.2017 @ 10:40 pm

ingredients

the basic ingredients to make a sentient pumpkin pie are simple. a regular pumpkin pie, and a high school year book from 1972. the reason why such an old year book is needed is unknown but they can easily be found on ebay or in your brother’s closet. an important thing to remember is that sentient pumpkin pies often will try and succeed to get you to kidnap the president. please try to refrain from doing so or you may not get the full pie experience.

» Posted By Estevan On 11.27.2014 @ 2:02 am

tambourine

i shook the tambourine until it gave me answers.
“talk!” i said.
“no!” said the tambourine.
“fine… then i guess… i’ll… microwave you”
“that’s messed”
“tell me something i don’t know”
“you suck”
“you misunderstand”

» Posted By Estevan On 09.11.2014 @ 1:12 am

dysfunctional

They were always a dysfunctional family, probably because none of them were actually related. It wasn’t a family at all — it was a game show. The rules had it that the first person to eat waffles would be the first eliminated, the problem was that the show’s crew forgot the waffles. So nothing happened and eventually the crew decided to leave the place, where the family killed each other soon afterwards.

» Posted By Estevan On 09.12.2012 @ 6:21 pm

towers

My Lego creation towers over the living room like a powerful prism. It took me seven full days to make, without breaks. I think if I could have done it differently I would have taken some breaks. I am now very ill.

» Posted By Estevan On 09.11.2012 @ 3:44 pm

binding

i used some tape as binding. to bind it.

-seems like it’ll do the trick.

-not if it keeps falling off, heh.

-…what? it’s–

-six times. have you tried the new pizza in the cafeteria?

-no.

-it’s good.

» Posted By Estevan On 09.10.2012 @ 7:43 pm

miracle

It was a miracle that he ever got anything done. He had one arm, eighteen legs and a giant head. He actually looked more like an insect than a human when you think about it. That’s why I squished him.

» Posted By Estevan On 09.04.2012 @ 3:35 am

texture

The texture of this bed is so dope. What is it?

-I dunno. Cloth I guess.

-I gotta get me some of this.

-You want it? I got more covers in the closet.

-Seriously?

-Yeah. I think.

-That should improve my bedding experience.

» Posted By Estevan On 09.01.2012 @ 10:58 pm

salvation

salvation reminds me of saliva because it has a lot of the same letters. i think if i had a cousin with the same name as me we would get a lot of the same letters, but probably not because why would that make sense? i think stop signs should be blue

» Posted By Estevan On 08.30.2012 @ 1:56 am

side

Move along to the side then. No one’s telling you to stand right in the middle. See the city lights over there? Those are off, off from the center. Not in the middle. No one’s telling you to be there. Not when it’s unnecessary.

» Posted By Estevan On 08.24.2012 @ 1:37 am

approval

all he ever wanted was the approval of the snow. it was cold, it hurt him. he knew that nothing would change unless he could change the universe. so he tried. every night, in that same spot, he would touch an ice cube to his skin and then bury it in the snow. it never worked.

» Posted By Estevan On 08.11.2012 @ 3:35 pm

statement

That was the last time I ever heard a statement of that nature. No one ever said “I like ducks” ever again. The problem of course was that people still liked ducks. A lot of people. I mean, I try to avoid them, but I’ve seen at least 30. Ugh.

» Posted By Estevan On 07.26.2012 @ 11:51 pm

instructions

i look at all these instructions and i think, wow, that’s a lot of instructions. i wonder what i could do with these. it was a cold dark night in the middle of october when i realized that the ice on the roof was actually made of color, not water. it was this kind of realization that i don’t have very often. in fact, most of the time i find that i don’t make any kinds of realizations ever. i just drift throughout this world like a ghost, with no insights or intuitions. i can’t imagine this is how you become a respectable member of society. i can’t imagine anything.

» Posted By Estevan On 07.22.2012 @ 5:22 am

sonar

That dog has sonar. If you think you can hide from it, you’re dead wrong. You see, it sees by hearing. It doesn’t matter if you’re completely silent – so long as sound can bounce off of you it can see you. Unless you’re wearing wool.

» Posted By Estevan On 07.17.2012 @ 11:59 pm

decorations

I love Christmas decorations. So bright and colorful. They really distract from the caterpillar infestation that plights our house. Most people can’t even tell we have furniture that isn’t just caterpillars — I don’t even remember if we do, actually. I don’t remember anything before them.

» Posted By Estevan On 07.16.2012 @ 2:16 pm

turbine

The turbine was over 500 feet wide and 500 feet tall. When spun, some say it was so loud it could be heard from outer space. In fact, they were right. So we zapped it. Darn earthlings.

» Posted By Estevan On 07.09.2012 @ 12:00 pm

bucket

i lived in that bucket for 20 years, me and my worm friends. we shared an apartment – 2063, i believe. oh, the memories. i remember this one time we realized our apartment complex was just a bucket and we moved out. that was really good, i’m glad that happened. i just wish i could find a new home.

» Posted By Estevan On 07.08.2012 @ 9:53 pm

detention

I got put in detention the other day. I don’t even remember why. All I know is that detention is a LOT cooler than they make it seem. I got frostbite.

» Posted By Estevan On 07.07.2012 @ 2:13 am

science

i was the best science fair contestant in the history of the planet mars. i was also the best potato grower because that’s what my exhibit was – potato growing. i didn’t even make energy from it, but that’s because potatoes don’t have energy on mars. they taste better than earth ones, though. if you can handle the poison.

» Posted By Estevan On 07.05.2012 @ 7:53 pm

modem

I used to have a modem that was really loud. Every time we went on the internet it would be like a concert in our computer room, especially if we were using it to watch glowstick videos. I once had the same glowstick for a year. By the end it didn’t even glow and I was just the guy with the plastic sticks at concerts. That’s not why no one liked me but I can’t imagine it helped.

» Posted By Estevan On 07.04.2012 @ 7:40 pm

railroad

I’ve been working on the railroad for 100 years. Being a fish it’s hard to do my job sometimes, but I make do. What do I do? I drive the trains. Hundreds of trains, every day. It’s like a circus, and I’m the train driver. Every once in a while I’ll see an actual clown crossing the tracks and run him over. It’s hard convincing the boss to let me drive the trains so frequently.

» Posted By Estevan On 07.03.2012 @ 1:18 pm

harness

I tried to harness all the energy in the world to create the world’s largest popcorn machine. Little did I know you don’t need all the energy in the world to do that and now everyone is mad at me. Luckily I’ve been able to slowly give people’s energy back to them via the popcorn made by the popcorn machine, unfortunately it’s only about .03% of the original amount. Oh well.

» Posted By Estevan On 07.02.2012 @ 11:38 pm

motion

i hate balloons with a passion. every once in a while i’ll see one in motion and i’ll get this burning desire to pop it. that would be easy but as of last thursday pointed objects have a restraining order against me. long story. anyway i know you might not be comfortable with me telling you this seeing as how you’re a balloon salesman but i don’t have any friends.

» Posted By Estevan On 07.02.2012 @ 12:04 am

pits

i hate cherry pits. they taste disgusting and they cheat at dodgeball. i found out about both of these things at the same time because well, you see, when you eat a cherry pit it transmits its thoughts into your mind for about 5 seconds. in those 5 seconds i saw a terrible bout of dodgeball cheating. it was shameful.

» Posted By Estevan On 06.20.2012 @ 1:56 am

framework

the framework of the operation is delicate. suzy will be in charge of infiltration, jake will be in charge of ordering pizza, and you will be in charge of making us dinner some other time. can you do that, cadet? can you make us dinner, maybe tomorrow? how are your pizza making skills?

» Posted By Estevan On 06.18.2012 @ 1:50 am

lift

and then i lifted him out of the elevator. it was a very surreal experience. it was almost like i was dead, and he wasn’t. even though it was the other way around. i like cereal, but that’s irrelevant. this is the worst oneword entry i’ve done in quite some time. nothing good ever happens after 2 am. how do spiders eat.

» Posted By Estevan On 02.26.2012 @ 2:25 am

downpour

there was a downpour of snails over the small french city. one young businessman named pierre had just got out of work and looked up at the clouds only to see a parade of snails descending from the clouds like a barrage of raindrops. it was the greatest day of his life.

» Posted By Estevan On 11.04.2011 @ 11:33 pm

iron

he had iron hair. he had to comb it every day or else it would become tarnished and ruined. for years cereal companies came after him for use in their cereals, but they were never able to catch him. yesterday he shaved it all.

» Posted By Estevan On 10.09.2011 @ 3:38 pm

mystery

it’s all a big mystery. no one knows where the shoes are, no one knows where they came from, no one knows who they fit. don’t tell anyone but i tried them on and they didn’t fit me so i know for a fact they’re not mine. we’ve started investigation but it’s going to take some time until we have any leads.

» Posted By Estevan On 10.08.2011 @ 12:19 pm

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