Comments Posted By Elio Hawkins
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I’m residing in a brighter one. A zone is where we see the world, and that attitude then reflects for the how the world sees us. It’s hard to imagine how much happier I am now, compared to all those months alone this winter. I’ve grown so expansively out of the sad and tiny person I was.
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 08.16.2012 @ 10:26 pm
under the ocean
This is a good place I de-stress. For awhile, the word would always plug some sort of insight into my current situations, kind of like Tarot. After that point, it because no different than a diary, just broken into vague snippets. I cannot help but more an issue of my life into each word, and then allow my fingers to explode on it for minute
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 06.15.2012 @ 12:08 am
slightest irritation growing
whilst I fondle around
like a moron
hands begininning to bleed
slightest frustration growing
looking for a needle
at this point, I’m gonna poke you in the eye
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 06.13.2012 @ 9:30 pm
With myself. On the bed for only an hour, but if nobody was around to whisper comfort in my ear, than didn’t I need to be that person for myself? And so I sat in the shadows and colored lights, wriggled around with aches, and my mind left the house.
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 06.08.2012 @ 11:25 pm
Ah, yes. When to go, where to go, how long to stay, which path to take. Where to set boundaries. How to follow those boundaries. How can I see what I want with a blindfold on?
The brightest days are on the horizon.
In the meanwhile, I need some new hobbies and infatuations.
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 05.28.2012 @ 10:29 pm
Do we actively think about going on such things when they happen? Do we say to ourselves, “I’m going on a quest! Gotta bring back the boon.”
We decide to start a diet, or finally leave our boyfriend. We make life changes that’ll take us down a whole new path.
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 05.22.2012 @ 10:14 am
Psychic again. Or maybe that’s just a trick of the human mind.
I regret nothing. Maybe it’s not foofy. Not something that should be seen outside of a journal. But it was tucked away for a reason. The thoughts were real. Raw. They were never garnished for eyes who would judge them.
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 05.17.2012 @ 10:34 pm
Oh, ouch. You really knew what to do say this time, eh?
I don’t know much about romance. Never experienced it much. Yeah, there was a time. It was short, I was too dazzled to notice it in any other way than being hopelessly dazzled. After that it was just so…forced. Draining. I forgot who I was. I’m free now. This is for the better.
And of course it hurts. It’s always going to hurt to inject that I put so much energy into a mix that was simply doomed to fall stale. Now when I look back on our time together, I see my tightly-woven facade looking grim on a face that was weary of trying, too entranced to see. I took every neutral reaction as a challenge to try harder. I was harder on myself, never acknowledging the reason for the damage I was doing. The heartaches, the stomach aches, the earthquakes tearing holes into my brain, allowing the anxiety, the chemical of destruction, to leak in to my perceptions.
I needed approval from a boy who was too good to ever lie and dellude me further.
I cleaned and dressed up just to go to bed but
he’s yet to make any promises.
But, I’m free now.
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 05.16.2012 @ 9:08 pm
They’re not very good for tying knots in thread, or weaving hemp. But that’s okay. My letters are more delicate and small than other letters. They’re like sprinkles. Crystal.
I make messes. I spill.
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 05.08.2012 @ 11:25 pm
Golden. And lions. And noise. Eyes. Waiting for blood, thirsty fists.
At what point did I stop fighting, did I start realizing myself in the margin, the survivor? When did I accept myself as the victim, and not the victor? Because as soon as I gave into the notion, the rest of the world did too.
You have all the weapons you need, girl.
Now stop yer bitchin’ and fight.
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 04.25.2012 @ 12:40 pm
red everywhere. Buttons are red. Waiting to be pressed. Antagonize. No apologies. The carnage. Woes me. And so on.
What qualifies a panic attack anyways?
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 03.29.2012 @ 10:15 pm
Sad words. Trigger sad things. Sad disposition?
I don’t know what I want these days, not that I ever really did, but even that shred of direction seems to have dissipated. Now I’m just stumbling through the motions, waiting to either drop out of life, waiting for the call to action, there’s a boon somewhere, and it’s waiting just for me.
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 03.26.2012 @ 8:31 pm
When I walk in the house and there’s six people in my kitchen, and all their shit is in my living room. When I know you won’t clean up the mess, turn the music down, or kick them out at a reasonable hour. When on top of EVERYTHING, there’s a giant, ugly TV sitting on the floor of my bedroom, which he so graciously ditched there. Thank you very much. Oh, what. It’s not yours? Not your responsibility because you got a new TV? No. We gave it to you, asshat. Of course, as soon as you don’t need it any more, suddenly its got nothing to do with you.
The prompt says temper. On nights like this one, I like to remind myself that I am excellent at keeping mine in check.
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 03.25.2012 @ 8:03 pm
What’s the difference between silver and gold tequila?
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 03.24.2012 @ 5:31 pm
Desperate times call for desperate measures. Tastes like tar, looks like tar, …is tar, but it still gets the job done. Time to float.
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 03.23.2012 @ 12:08 pm
A little sunlight, but long drives at night. The feel of the Earth’s curvature, the taste of adventure in a small town.
Fix these winter blues.
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 03.22.2012 @ 10:13 am
My house is clean my homework is done my car has enough gas in it my clothes look nice I am on time and I woke up this morning I painted my nails and washed my hair I remember to plug in my laptop I have a cupcake.
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 03.19.2012 @ 1:54 pm
Do people recycle themselves?
I am the speed demon.
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 03.11.2012 @ 10:04 pm
So I am carrying it, then? Is that how this fate thing works? That on the day I happen to need a word like this the most -if only for the sake of reflection- it pops up somewhere I wasn’t expecting it and here I am, gonna have to think about it.
I am carrying it. Not him. Not any of them. Just me. I don’t know much about this place, but it my own. And the wandering is up to me. They can’t see in. They don’t know where I am in that place. And even when i voice it, they’ll never know for sure, they’ll skew it with their own perceptions and turn it into something uniquely their own.
This is my life, my venture, my journey, and I am carrying the goddamn lantern.
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 03.01.2012 @ 1:52 pm
I was a little apprehensive of a drum set going in our upstairs apartment. But hey now, it is an electric one. No worse than the music on the stereo being turned up too loud. And listening to him tip and tap and bang and pound – it’s really relaxing.
Mental candy. Sound popcorn.
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 02.27.2012 @ 10:29 am
specks in the grey bustling
brimming eyes, wake. watch.
tunnel downward to
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 02.26.2012 @ 12:09 am
This is a very big word, to me.
Shelter is this apartment, shelter is those arms, shelter is that smile I can lift to protect myself.
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 02.19.2012 @ 9:46 am
I follow one of those.
You know, being an adult and such.
Except I made sure to bejewel my goddamn track. That’s just how I roll (fabulously).
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 02.17.2012 @ 8:54 pm
I don’t have one. Ever. At least in my head it doesn’t seem like I do. Which is interesting, because if I’m aware that I don’t have a clue, then doesn’t that make me wise?
I think it does.
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 02.14.2012 @ 1:09 pm
I thought there was something wrong with me. I mean, I know there are many, many things wrong with me (thankfully), but I thought maybe my sharp edges were rubbing on his nerves, because he seemed distant, distracted, all that.
But I think I was wrong.
The winter, the cold, the pain in the ass snow, it’s getting to us.
Waiting on spring.
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 02.11.2012 @ 8:05 pm
chatter herd in eternal fake
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 02.03.2012 @ 8:45 pm
Colors, and dancing. Authentic food. Idols.
Or maybe I have a crush on Japan and Spain.
the closest we come around here all involves
bibles and a dinner
deer heads, guns
club tables in sleepy hallways,
mundane drifts through sleepy, small town days.
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 01.31.2012 @ 10:02 pm
She is, by far, one of the best things to happen to me. I mean, who I am now (and for always) is completely myself, but when we were kids, she was the archetype of who I was going to be. And in that venture, I created “me.” Sometimes with her, sometimes without.
Though she didn’t know it at the time, she offered me a family.
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 01.29.2012 @ 6:36 pm
Tucked away up here.
Come home soon, okay? I need to see that you are okay, baby. Your word, without your face, just wasn’t enough this time. Not with the window right there, looking at me, revealing sheets of snow blistering sideways across the glass.
Tucked away up here, just let me see your face.
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 01.27.2012 @ 11:50 pm
Back To Stats Page
Dear Pig Wig, just wanted you to know that I hate the new shirts. Make my neck feel stuffy. But I do enjoy the aprons, especially because they cover the chub when I have to tuck my shirt in.
But other than that, I don’t know how I feel about you these days. Both the likes and dislikes come and go.
» Posted By Elio Hawkins On 01.26.2012 @ 4:16 pm