Comments Posted By Cameron-Audrey

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trap

How was your day?
Did you do anything different?
Fuck
it’s a trap
He knows I told
He knows
I needed someone to know
About the bruises
And the cuts
I needed a friend
But he found out
There will be more than bruises tonight
I’ve got to get out of here.

» Posted By Cameron-Audrey On 08.02.2012 @ 8:51 am

losses

Cut my losses and leave
That’s probably the best idea
If I don’t do it now I’ll be dead
I have to escape
He’ll be the death of me
This life will be the death of me
I hate this shithole of a country
I hate these people
I hate who I’ve become
New life
New start
New people
America
Still a shithole
But a different shithole
And different is key
I need to start over
Memories intact this time
I’ll do better
I won’t be beaten
I’m determined
Leaving in the dead of night
On a plane before he knows I’m gone
And
Finally
Away
I can breathe again
No more glancing over my shoulder
No more bruises
Only my own pain
My own punishment
I’m not skinny enough
But nobody here is
I’ll fit in just fine
There’s no fear anymore
I am safe

» Posted By Cameron-Audrey On 07.31.2012 @ 9:01 am

props

My props are all laid out
I’m standing center stage
Playing my part
Every day
Playing this character I created
So different from myself
A girl who smiles
A girl who talks
A girl who lies
A girl who cares what you think
She’s not me
But for the moment
She may as well be
I don’t remember a time when I wasn’t acting
For months now this has been my job
I know something’s not right
Something niggles at me
What do I do?
Should I keep going?
My friends know I feel off
They took me shopping to cure it
It didn’t work
But I did get some cute shoes
So that’s a bonus
It’s not what I need though
I need to remember
I need a breath of fresh air
I need to clear my head
It’s all fuzzy
I can’t think straight
Something is stopping me from knowing the truth
A mental block
A mind wipe
I need to remember…I can’t stand this anymore
I’m living a lie
I’m tortured every day
Hiding my tattoo
A statement piece
An orange ribbon
It loudly proclaims that I support the awareness and prevention of self harm
It implies I’ve stopped
It lies.
My legs will never be shown
Stripes
Lines
You wouldn’t understand
It’s a compulsion
Nothing went wrong
I just can’t help it
It’s ingrained
It’s a bad habit
He caused this
My pain
Her pain
Her death
Too soon
He caused this
He caused me to forget so I could make him happy
He loves me
But I sometimes see fragments
Memory pieces
Scars
Fear
What happened in the past?
I’ve got to know
But in the meantime
There are shoes
And I have bitching to do
My shallow heart is easily pleased
It probably doesn’t even beat anymore, it’s that covered in glitter and makeup
Concealer for the scars I don’t remember getting
It’s all shattered now anyway
So I may as well shove it to the back of my mind and shop til I drop
Literally
Tonight is the night my shallow heart stops
The night my prettied-up lungs deflate
And the night my foggy brain darkens
I can’t be this person anymore
So I choose to be nobody
Ever again
Let’s shop!

» Posted By Cameron-Audrey On 07.28.2012 @ 7:54 am

holder

The pencil holder crashes into the wall
Plastic flies across the room
Aluminium hits the floor with a clang
Screaming
Yelling
Insults fly
Saying things he meant all along
Blood flows
Ears ring
A blow
From nowhere
Then another
More yelling
Pain blooms
Think about the pain I’ll inflict
Not on him
But on myself
My blood will flow again
But I can control this
I deserve it, right?
That’s what he says
So young to hurt so much
What do normal girls do?
Is this normal?
It can’t be
Bruises
Scrapes
And wounds inside which never really heal
Ugly scars
Snarky
Sarcastic
A wall was built
Tears
A resolve
One day I’ll leave this place
Like she did
Or my own way
Seeing colours
Fade to black
…………………..
Sudden awareness
Some time has passed
Two hour alarm intervals
The pain comes
And I smile
This is what I wanted
Clean up
Sleep like the dead
Except for the alarm
Concussions hurt
Fuzzy brain
Memories are blurred
Tongue is thick
Can’t concentrate
Can’t wake up
Can’t-
…………………..
Bright lights
It hurts my eyes
The hospital?
Why?
It comes back to me
The fuzziness
The time
My head…
She got into a fight
Problem child
A nightmare
A disaster
Cameron-Audrey Disaster
It’s the truth
Of course it is
I remain a disaster

» Posted By Cameron-Audrey On 07.25.2012 @ 7:30 am

fuses

My fuse is about to blow
You have no idea what you’ve done
Blood slides off me
The bathroom smells of vomit
Relapse
Because of your ignorance
Your cruelty
How could you betray me?
How could you fake what I’ve wanted for so long?
How could you wrap me around your little finger
Then crush me under your thumb?
She sleeps
But she does not wake
In the cold ground
Of a London graveyard
Because of you
How did I believe you?
It was my own stupidity
My own naivety
Fucking idiot
I deserved this
I deserve the punishment for believing your lies
Your transparent douchebaggery
Three people down
How many more to go?
Am I to be the next one buried?
Is there a list?
Can I see it?

» Posted By Cameron-Audrey On 07.24.2012 @ 1:41 am

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