Comments Posted By C. Ritchie
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it’s chilly outside and she’s in her tiny socks and her first sweater and she watched him at the window as he shovels the snow off the driveway. when he finishes she meets him at the door with a glass of hot chocolate that has made a trail behind her all the way from the counter. she hands it to him as he takes off his mittens and he shrinks down beside her, kisses her on the forehead and says “thank you,” as he takes a big sip. turns out she made it for him when he started the job so by now his hot chocolate was luke warm. and as he stands back up and walks to his chair she skates along beside him hanging onto his sleeve
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 06.25.2015 @ 12:17 pm
my shoes still fit the same, my eye sight is just as it was, my jeans feel just as warm and tight. but as i think of myself I start to understand differently. I stand taller in my shoes, see clearer through my eyes, and see a new woman in those old jeans. I’m trying to change, trying to live again, I wish you understood, but then again, this is not for you to understand.
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 06.17.2013 @ 10:08 pm
and i take your hand and it is dissolved all i stood for and believed in myself is wiped away wiped clean as it shall stay as i step away from your burden and your hurt and into my own dissolved of the life I once had
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 05.01.2013 @ 8:15 pm
in a world of grays and browns in breaths filled with exhaustion and fear and a need to relieve the tension that’s exactly what i find with you nothing’s dull nothing hurts no unknown no loss for words no lack of heart where dancing is normal and laughs come easy never embarrassed never worried always better than the last always… friends.
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 04.21.2013 @ 1:05 pm
you’d think i’d been punished. lost alone and worried about what they think of me. they think a lot apparently. and in a single conversation my love for someone could turn to confusion, disgust, fear. what does he think of me? flattered or repulsed that i should be the receiver of such a thing such an idea such a fantasy. who am i? my life surely is not real. surely i’ve made it up, was intoxicated, dreaming.
surely it’s not up to me. surely it’s not the three.
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 04.07.2013 @ 1:05 pm
and we’ve done it finally maybe done it conjured up a plan for the ages a new way of living and of trying to be the same as before as friends as people as humans in this place so beautiful and quaint and real this place with the bench by the clock and the giving and the dreams. this place where we met, fell in love, and tore ourselves apart.
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 03.01.2013 @ 11:28 am
startled by the silence of it all by the immediate understanding that something had changed that the world was suddenly turning at a normal pace again life was continuing and i was finally a part of it. i was so startled to begin again.
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 02.25.2013 @ 3:08 pm
here i am. moving, loving, leaving things behind. bolting into a new reality a new life a new love for all that surrounds me. i look forward and i hope. above all, i hope for any and everything that lies ahead of me. so so much lies ahead of me.
right now i am anything but stalled.
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 02.22.2013 @ 11:51 am
Isn’t that just swell that grin that half truth that fear to just say you can’t it’s not the right time maybe later remember when we used to be friends we used to try to spend time together we used to be in love. I used to be in love. Where am I now? Who am I now? You have broken me. You promised to change to grow to learn from your mistakes. Did you? You’ve changed me, did we change you?
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 01.30.2013 @ 11:31 am
and then you realize out of nowhere that it’s over all of a sudden it’s all gone and used up and finished but you’re not ready not prepared to give it all up did you do it all did you see everything did you live and love and feel everything you were supposed to? what now that everything’s due?
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 12.16.2012 @ 11:58 am
lots of things can stand in your way time rain lack of money or confidence but in this case it was far more than i could overcome alone so i gave up essentially i threw in the towel and wished that i didn’t have to but i did because you gave me no choice you gave so little even when you felt much more things could change but they won’t and as this year continues just as last year did i hope you realize that besides being too late, you haven’t changed. you’re just the same as you’ve always been, hurting not caring and alone.
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 11.22.2012 @ 5:40 pm
somebody somewhere someone who knows and cares and loves and waits and needs and wants just as i do. sometime something will come to be that has never been before something wonderful and right and new and old and right. it will all be right someday with somebody.
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 11.12.2012 @ 12:27 pm
it’s here and it’s not going away. it’s more, more than i wish i felt, more than a gaze held between strangers, more than the unspoken words.
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 11.07.2012 @ 12:11 pm
i hope i’ve learned i hope i’ve taught i hope i’ve become everything i previously was not i hope i know i hope i’ve found the things i thought were far from my bounds
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 11.06.2012 @ 12:00 pm
and here i am buried under it all under your weight and mine under the life i hope to someday lead under the longing for something i still don’t understand i am so deep so beyond repair so beyond anything i thought i ever would be i never thought getting hurt would hurt this much i never thought you’d break my heart
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 10.15.2012 @ 4:25 pm
and as long as we’re here you there on that street and me here on upper we’ll never see eye to eye and while you may notice the bigger picture you’ll never see the specifics of my story of me even though i know you more than i thought i ever would. i love you, but i deserve better.
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 10.14.2012 @ 2:23 pm
i stand here awaiting a dream awaiting a hope far in the future one for each and every individual one that has no exceptions or rules one that has no boundaries and no stopping point i vote love into the world. please consider it.
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 09.30.2012 @ 12:29 pm
i cry it so loud that my throat trembles it hurts to say anything but that all i need is someone or something to change me to make everything i know completely different and yet that is so much to ask for i look for you in the distance i will hope for your help until i know it’s arrived
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 09.26.2012 @ 12:40 pm
it’s true, i’m afraid, afraid of living the life i always dreamed of of reaching for the things i’v always wished for of kissing the man i’m meant to be with of ending certain portions of my life that i’m so very used to to take on new ones that are far better for me but much different i am afraid of the change but so incredibly excited for it as well
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 09.23.2012 @ 2:23 pm
standing around standing surrounded standing a midst the masses but it’s those little marks the curve of cheeks below eyes dipped in an icy blue that make two thousand into two me and you so silly and so sweet turning around to face the face the face i can’t forget that i ache to be in the vision of as soon as possible fearing that changing of winds may lead to a changing of minds.
i miss you.
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 09.22.2012 @ 1:35 pm
and even with my eyes closed i know exatly what exists beyond them in a dark and energizing way. you’re there far beyond what i understand looking for what i need and desire should come second but i am only human and in the stillness as i look even into the back of my eyelids i know that a star-filled sky lays just beyond just as you do within my sight but beyond my understanding.
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 09.06.2012 @ 8:39 pm
i’ve been here living in this world for quite some time some may say i am lucky blessed well off i say yes i am all of those things but that does not mean i am satisfied i want more to be more to do more to see more to love more and as i live this far away from you i pray to God that i do all of those things and return sustaining life in myself and finding new ways to love and be who i am.
you may not be the one, but for now i fear i cannot sustain myself without you.
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 09.04.2012 @ 7:47 pm
and as i follow you out into the breezy early morning hours i see you for the first time. you look back at me wishing for things that fall a close second in my fuzzy thoughts. the smile never leaves my face even after i let go of the one thought i can’t get out of my head. “i want to be with you.” a slap to my face and i’m still in the dream unable to separate myself from you. since we saw each other i feel as if we’ve been in constant physical contact. you are physically touching me as you touch my heart. and no fog or mist will make what i see in you unclear.
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 08.17.2012 @ 9:30 pm
monoxide. you fill me till i’m full. i breathe you in thinking i can’t get enough that i need you i need you so so much. i’m lying to myself i’m pretending i’m not choking i’m not suffocating from your fear to be close to me your unreadiness your unsteadiness from all of this.
i need you.
i need you about as much as i need carbon monoxide.
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 08.26.2012 @ 9:18 pm
what could be wrong on nights like these when everything feels just as it should the breeze blowing in through the curtains just enough to cool the sweat off my arms my breaths long and deep as i shut my eyes and think of the stars that line the ceiling of the outdoors just above my own and as you there miles and miles away from me close your eyes and think of the same things all i can wonder is why has it taken us so long to meet one another when will i finally know you finally understand what all of my looking has been for. what a concept.
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 08.12.2012 @ 9:14 pm
it’s the thing we fear most the one thing we’re never sure we’re ready for and the truth is we probably aren’t but who would be who would be ready to be completely vulnerable completely lost in the world on their own account i cannot think of i time i was truly ready to find love but then again love has found me without my even expecting it.
we may never be truly ready to find love, but love is always ready to find us.
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 08.04.2012 @ 12:55 pm
and then things change they move slowly and then fast again they bring joy as well as the unlikable tears and anger moments together won’t be the same as they used to be as much as i want them to be as much as i secretly hope or not so secretly hope for them to be but i must keep telling myself of the principle of the unrelenting strength i must hold myself to. you cannot break me, not again.
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 07.29.2012 @ 9:11 pm
“and here it is” i say standing tall but shaking as i lift the paper within my line of vision “i cannot live knowing this knowing that for so long i have been hurt because of you because of everything i hoped for i was broken once before and thta is something i’m still working to recover from and i an pretend everyday that i am whole that i have never cried or felt any pain and while i know my pain is much less than so many other peoples’ pain it is still my pain selfish or not but i will bear my pain wear it on me letting it shine through in the moments you are not around and holding closer and less visible in those that you make me smile but it will be there it will always be there just as i will always be there for you my pain will never leave me and much must be done to clean up the mess we’ve already made but there is so much good that can come from this as well so much growth forgiveness and understanding but just know please dear always know that i will always love you but that love will always be followed right behind by my pain.”
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 07.26.2012 @ 6:35 pm
and it’s funny how sweet it al can be working at a place that has taught me so much in so little time and about more than the work world but about the world about how to interact with people both inside and outside of the walls of my own world and how to hold back or give in at any given moment it’s about self control and knowing when there is a time for what you’re thinking and when there’s not. so now it’s your turn to answer my question; is there time for icing?
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 07.22.2012 @ 8:20 pm
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it could be fine really no one would have to know i can keep a secret well notabout about you not about how much i want to reach out to you how much work i have to do holding myself back holding myself down i just want you that’s all i just want you to understand what i’m feeling why hold back when giving in is so so so close so easy so real
oh my gosh you have no idea what it’s like to leave and ride the elevator from happiness to days without you riding on the giddiness the amazement i feel in every moment in every step in every click in every short breath and swift step in every smile that appears because of you.
but then every once and a while i have a feeling you do have an idea.
it’s not a crime if you don’t pretend to be a suspect.
» Posted By C. Ritchie On 07.20.2012 @ 8:02 pm