Comments Posted By Acid
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He fought bravely for his life. But in the end it wasn’t enough.
Tiredness and wariness set in too fast. Two inches more and the foxhole would have been deep enough. But even then, who knows. Shrapnel is a fucking beast. He never knew what hit him. His dogtags were picked up two hours later.
» Posted By Acid On 05.05.2014 @ 4:23 pm
A heartfelt thanks and goodbye was not enough for Joe. Somehow he had hoped for more – but who was he to demand more from this woman? Had his help not been enough? Did he really expect her to repay him to the letter? Maybe he was just confused, man, or tired, or so horny he would just later jerk himself off in the car afterwards.
» Posted By Acid On 04.24.2014 @ 5:27 pm
“I’m gonna level with you. The pineapple stockpile is gettin’ pretty low, and we have no chance to get it back up again in time for the annual pineapple convention. You should have bought the pineapple insurance like I told you.”
» Posted By Acid On 04.14.2014 @ 4:39 pm
Strike down the magnets with your thunder, scatter them to bits and toss them asunder. Strike, Stroke, Stricken. Fell ill and behead the shark. Gondolin and barracuda, who will save me from the falling plane? Me? Her? Who knows, who can tell. Coffee. Too much or maybe too little.
» Posted By Acid On 04.11.2014 @ 6:02 pm
Complete mental breakdown. The building was supposed to collapse at the press of the button; but all that happened was a faint puff of smoke. Dynamite miscalculated. Catastrophe. My boss will kill me. I walk inside and the damn thing finally goes off. Damn. I really need to see a shrink or something.
» Posted By Acid On 04.10.2014 @ 5:56 pm
Stay very still.
The clockface is about to explode in a million pieces. White marble everywhere. People trespassed by giant metal hands which will now set the time inside your stomach. But if you stay still and enjoy the moment before you get stabbed in the most bizarre turn of events possible, it will last forever; you will live forever. Enjoy.
» Posted By Acid On 04.09.2014 @ 3:06 pm
A wing and a prayer. Land safely on the tarmac. Hope. Parrot birds. Saintly robes and opal beards. Tears flowing downs stone faces. Baptismal sinks. Sinkhole opening on the ground as wheels touch down. Final utterance by passengers: deliver us from evil and forgive our sins, oh lord. Kaboom.
» Posted By Acid On 04.07.2014 @ 11:46 am
Stairway to Heaven is playing as I enter the mall. This is a really shitty mall; in fact it’s just a basement with half a dozen shops. Decayed and abandoned. I walk to the back, and the dealer is there. He sells me some weed and then asks, hey man, have you tried falling off some stairs on your head? It’s the best high of your life. I make a mental note to find a new dealer.
» Posted By Acid On 04.05.2014 @ 5:38 pm
My card was declined today. Not credit card, my greeting card. What do you mean, you don’t want my card, I said, who do you think you are, the pope? Because you’re not the pope, bitch, because I am the pope, and if I ever see you stealing from the cookie jar again I will sic the hounds of the apocalypse on your bitch ass.
» Posted By Acid On 04.04.2014 @ 5:29 pm
We should be grateful for all the bounty of nature and that includes penguins, be they royal penguins, emperor penguins, crazy villainous penguins or really any kind of penguins we can get our hands on and eat, except for the last ones, because I’ll bet Danny DeVito tastes sweaty and blubbery and gross.
» Posted By Acid On 03.18.2014 @ 5:11 pm
The prophet reared his head and shouted “Behold! For the new messiah is here. Also I wear a goat head mask for some reason. But fear not because goats are alright!”
Upon hearing this, the villagers immediately tar and feathered him, because blasphemy and stuff. And then whaddaya know, the world ended.
» Posted By Acid On 03.16.2014 @ 5:30 pm
I guess a person’s personality is a mirror to the soul or some shit. I also notice I tend to focus on myself a lot when I’m writing these things, which raises an interesting point about my own personality. Thanks, oneword, free self-psychoanalysis. yay
» Posted By Acid On 03.15.2014 @ 5:01 pm
People often tell me I’m deranged because I like to scale trees to commune with my brother squirrels. Actually, no one has actually told me this but I can see it in their eyes. I don’t get what’s the big deal with squirrels. It’s not like I have to eat them just because I’m a cat.
» Posted By Acid On 03.10.2014 @ 4:48 pm
Modesty killed the… alligator? How is it that I can only think in terms of weird animals now? Condor. Albatross. Parakeet. Wait. These are birds. Apalache. Now, this isn’t even an animal. Blue. Trapped. Parakeet. Carrot. Blue waffle. Onion. Modest. Oh wait.
» Posted By Acid On 03.09.2014 @ 3:16 pm
I am handsome. This is a fact. When I prance around high street dressed in a cow costume all the little old ladies take turns to pinch my cheeks and tell me so. Then they give me candy. The candy is not so good. It makes my belly hurt, but I eat it anyway.
» Posted By Acid On 03.08.2014 @ 4:26 pm
My mule is stubborn like a friend. Oh wait. The other way around. So anyway, we were at the cofeeshop. The friend, not the mule. He asked for some donuts but they were expired. I forget what happened next, so I’ll just sing In a Gadda Da vida – nananananan naananan annanan nanana
» Posted By Acid On 03.07.2014 @ 4:07 pm
My grandfather clock sits in my time hall, untouched, until the last of the Mayan birds of doom come take it back. Sneaky bitches. I told them not to go back in time to become their own landlords, but they wouldn’t listen and now the world is all jangled like a tube of tuna toothpaste.
» Posted By Acid On 03.06.2014 @ 4:14 pm
I witnessed a whipping today. Three men in blond wigs were getting the shit whipped out of them in the middle of the street by an albino monkey dressed as a nun, and they didn’t even stop smoking their fancy pipes. I have one pipe that looks like theirs, actually. It is a very fun pipe indeed.
» Posted By Acid On 03.05.2014 @ 3:51 pm
He revved up the engine while the lights flicked red. Two more. Then two more – then GO! The wheels spun like greased monkeys on jello. Easy left, crest, jump. Right hairpin then crest. Tree. Ditch. Well, shit.
» Posted By Acid On 02.25.2014 @ 10:09 am
I am the emperor of your dreams. Minions made of ash bow to me and eagles made of cotton candy perch on my regal shoulders as you struggle to shake yourself awake. I will not let go. You will not awake. I will dominate. But you turn around and see yourself in the mirror: two hazel eyes gaze back at you in confusion; one, two, three, four, five fingers in each hand; and over your shoulder I smile, ragged clothes and overstretched hand inviting you to my windowless party van.
» Posted By Acid On 02.23.2014 @ 2:44 pm
Today my coffee was late. My toast was late. The bus was late. The subway was late. All the tv shows were late. My girlfriend’s period was late. Everything was late. Especially my late uncle Norris.
» Posted By Acid On 02.22.2014 @ 2:47 pm
” I should buy some new curtains” I thought as I carefully pruned my genital hair. “I should buy some with some ducklings frolicking in the grass. That would be just nice. And where the hell did my soda go?”
» Posted By Acid On 02.21.2014 @ 11:34 am
Talon. Eagle. Those spur things cowboys use on their boots. Now I picture two eagles in cowboy clothes, tacky pink fringes and all, duel at midday; dusty people watching the dusty street where two renegade birds with nothing to lose are about to engage in a good old-fashioned patriotic fight to the death.
The shadow falls. Both eagles cry at the same time.
» Posted By Acid On 02.18.2014 @ 3:45 pm
When I think of offset I think of offices and autocad functions; boring traps designed to keep my head down and my gears spinning in this oppressive bureaucratic machine. Which is funny because I don’t even work in an office.
» Posted By Acid On 02.14.2014 @ 12:18 pm
i wish i could disappear, or better yet, make stuff disappear, like ordinary objects. i’d disappear random things like nickles and toilet plungers and oranges from the supermarket and people would be so confused… like where are the oranges man, i’m going to sue this shitty supermarket, and the manager is on his knees, he’s crying, he’s yelling please don’t sue, please, they’ll fire me, i can’t live on the streets again – and he rips off his shirt and shows you this huge twisted scar across his chest, gnarly as fuck, and now you notice he’s actually wearing a fucking eyepatch; and meanwhile i’m sniggering by the personal hygiene area watching this menacing man reduced to a whimpering sobbing mess and you frozen in place like a little bitch and actually wondering if you should just stick to tv dinners for the rest of the year – people are weird, man.
» Posted By Acid On 02.12.2014 @ 4:43 pm
Sinus waves. Sinus infection. My nose is bloody not actually bloody and running. Polen. Allergies. Almost spring. Bees, Love, biscuits, soda, heat. Sweat. I am cold. My feet feel soft and cold. I am writing. I can’t think. God help me I can’t think but I can’t stop i just want to keep going, and is this even a real sentence anymore?
Me again. My nose is still running. I don’t want to fall into the old wavelength as interpersonal repashionship metaphor, which is why I will talk about ham and smoked ham now. It seems heavy for tonight. God I must be hungry. I’d eat a nice fat juicy persimmon right now.
» Posted By Acid On 02.10.2014 @ 5:45 pm
oh god. I was just writing about this. imagine a door. imagine it haunts your dreams, and something comes out of it at night to scare you every night, so you go there and feel the doorknob, and pull.
the door is unlocked.
you feel afraid.
» Posted By Acid On 09.23.2012 @ 3:45 pm
Celebrate what? I don’t have time to celebrate. That is, a don’t have a reason. Then again, I don’t need a reason. But the words on the screen are so slow to appear that I wonder why I should be celebrating in the first place. Celebrate. Pop the balloons. 60 second party right here. Yeah I sound like I have been drinking too much already. And everyon’e making so much noise, even though the music has stopped. Ouch. My head hurts. What were we celebrating again?
» Posted By Acid On 09.19.2011 @ 2:57 pm
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Awaking in the morning. The funeral ceremony.
» Posted By Acid On 01.12.2011 @ 8:35 pm