• trish commented on the post, answers 8 years, 1 month ago

    I go to the river looking for answers. Stepping into the shallow water along the bank, I can feel her wordless call pulling at my ankles. Why did she choose to end it like this? She never tells me in my room at night. I take a careful step deeper, the rocks mossy beneath my […]

  • trish commented on the post, brick 8 years, 1 month ago

    There was a brickworks in our town once a long time ago, but all that’s left now is a pile of bricks. The adults would always tell us kids to stay away because it could be dangerous, which drove us there like flies. The first time Tucker kissed me, we were there.

  • trish commented on the post, thunder 8 years, 1 month ago

    The thunder woke me last night and even before I opened my eyes, I knew Shiloh was there. She looked at me with her sad eyes and for the millionth time I felt so tiny. “It’s not your fault,” her voice always says. But every single time I think she’s wrong.

  • trish commented on the post, lightning 8 years, 1 month ago

    On rainy days, Shiloh and I used to love to sit on the porch swing at my house, where we’d listen to the rain and watch for lightning. We’d wrap up in the yellow quilt my grandma made, our heads touching so our hair would mix together. I miss that. I miss her.

  • trish commented on the post, skeleton 8 years, 2 months ago

    “You look like a skeleton,” Shiloh said. “A stick. It’s not pretty, Ava. It’s not.” I think she was jealous. I was always the bigger girl. Not fat, but bigger. After working on Dade’s farm all summer, mucking out stalls and rounding up goats, I slimmed down. Shiloh hated that.

  • trish commented on the post, ticket 8 years, 2 months ago

    I still have my ticket to the fair. Shiloh and I were going to go together and ride the spinning cups until we threw up, eat an obscene amount of cotton candy, and try to win goldfish. Then Tucker asked me and I said yes. I think everything is my fault.

  • trish commented on the post, violet 8 years, 2 months ago

    The light was fading, the sky streaked with violet and gold and rose, when Tucker told me he loved me. Me, Ava. Not Shiloh. Oh, how I loved him then with his sun-kissed skin and so-white teeth. Before things changed.

  • trish commented on the post, violent 8 years, 2 months ago

    I can’t help thinking sometimes about what it was like when Shiloh drowned. Was it easy? Was it violent? I ask her, but she wants me to join her, so I’m not sure she’s telling me the truth when she says she felt no pain at all. I miss the real her, though, so sometimes […]

  • trish commented on the post, cigarette 8 years, 2 months ago

    When I found her later, Shiloh was smoking a cigarette. “Just one more thing you apparently didn’t know about me,” she said, blowing a perfect ring with the smoke. I wanted to apologize, but how do you apologize for your heart? And why should I have to be the one to apologize when Tucker wanted […]

  • trish commented on the post, bow 8 years, 2 months ago

    “Take a bow, Ava,” Shiloh said to me, after Tucker had gone. “You finally got what you wanted. You knew I liked Tucker.” But I didn’t know. How could I have known when she hadn’t told me? She said I should have been able to see it in her face and hear it in her […]

  • trish commented on the post, etiquette 8 years, 2 months ago

    Shiloh’s grandma had a thick book on etiquette written by Emily Post. It was where she hid spare cash because she figured no one would actually read that book. Shiloh and I found the money. One day we took it and used it to buy Red Vines and Coke down at Nelson’s Variety. When she […]

  • trish commented on the post, plague 8 years, 2 months ago

    It’s a cliche, so I don’t even want to write it, but they avoided me like the plague after Shiloh drowned. Like being around me would make them want to do it, too. The only person who didn’t leave–aside from my mom, I mean–was Tucker. They tried to turn him against me, though. They tried.

  • trish commented on the post, straw 8 years, 2 months ago

    Tucker and I were coming up from the meadow, laughing about something and he was picking bits of straw from my hair, our lips all red from kissing. We got to the house and my mom was standing there, looking serious and sad. I was drunk on happy and made some smart ass comment about […]

  • trish commented on the post, mean 8 years, 2 months ago

    We had a fight not long before Shiloh drowned. I didn’t mean what I said. Not any of it. When she visits me now, she tells me she knows, but I still feel guilty.

  • trish commented on the post, expecting 8 years, 2 months ago

    No one was expecting Shiloh to walk into the river and never come out. Me, maybe, but never her. They never found a body, so for a long time everyone thought she ran away. And even after she started coming around my room in the middle of the night I thought she was still alive. […]

  • trish commented on the post, chores 8 years, 2 months ago

    Shiloh was always jealous that I didn’t have any chores. I mean, I had little things, like keeping my room neat or doing up the dinner dishes, but my mom always said, “Oh, Ava, growing up is a job all it’s own. Soon enough you’ll have more chores than you think you can handle. Go, […]

  • trish commented on the post, maroon 8 years, 2 months ago

    We stood side-by-side at the mirror in our maroon and gold cheerleading uniforms. Shiloh looked like everything that she was, while I was the girl who was friends with Shiloh. They accepted me only because they accepted her. And when she was gone, I went back to being no one.

  • trish commented on the post, stem 8 years, 2 months ago

    We used pretend we were native americans, only we called ourselves indian. Shiloh’s name was Running Deer and mine was Meadow Flower. Running Deer would laugh and say my indian name sounded like a deodorant scent, but I liked it. As indians, we made stew from milkweed thistle, dandelion heads, and cattail stem. (We didn’t […]

  • trish commented on the post, assisted 8 years, 2 months ago

    Shiloh never went anywhere without her hat. She didn’t always wear it, but she always liked to keep it on hand. It assisted in keeping the freckles off her nose, she said. Not sure what was wrong with her freckles. Everyone thought they were cute.

  • trish commented on the post, crane 8 years, 2 months ago

    Back in fourth grade art, Miss Lee taught us how to make origami. The best thing I made was a paper crane that I folded out of pink paper with yellow flowers. Shiloh turned up her nose at origami (she was in a different art class) but the crane was still on her dresser long […]