• J commented on the post, disciple 6 years ago

    “Yo, Jesus, we’re pretty far off shore, can’t we row this boat in?”

    “I’m walking back to shore, dickheads.”

    Jesus throws on his raybans, exits the boat, walks on water, and leaves his followers out at sea.

  • J commented on the post, gallery 6 years, 1 month ago

    “Well, that’s an impressive piece you’ve got there.”
    “Why yes, I’d say it’s the highlight of all of them tonight.”
    “I love the free booze and sausages. These things are a blast.”
    “Sorry, do I know you?”

  • J commented on the post, blamed 6 years, 5 months ago

    There’s no central heating in my house? THANKS A LOT, OBAMA!

  • J commented on the post, arthritis 6 years, 5 months ago

    Cracking your knuckles can lead to tendonitis, but arthritis isn’t real, so don’t worry about that.

  • J commented on the post, stilts 6 years, 5 months ago

    Yo, that clown is all tall and stuff but his arms short. He is no real giant clown.
    Yes, let’s take the aluminum rounders bat, give his gonads a poudning.
    He shall topple, and I shall take his oversize shoes.

  • J commented on the post, frenzy 6 years, 5 months ago

    IT’S TIME TO RAGE BRO

    YEAH BROSEPH, KEG STANDZ FOR RIZZEAL

    I’M GONNA START A BROLACAUST WOOOOOOOO

    RIDERS OF BROHAN, MUSTER THE BROHIRRIM

  • J commented on the post, incomplete 6 years, 5 months ago

    Hey, HEY GUYS, wouldn’t it be funny if somebody took this word and didn’t finish their

  • J commented on the post, adorned 6 years, 5 months ago

    Chad set the christmas tree on fire. He said he was trying to do it the traditional German way. Fucking asshole. If I wanted Kraut influence on the tree I could have covered it in Schnitzel.

  • J commented on the post, success 8 years, 7 months ago

    Ted graduated with honors, got a terrific job, got married, worked his way up to partner, has three beautiful children and has furry sex parties once a month. He has achieved happiness and success.

  • J commented on the post, galaxy 8 years, 7 months ago

    The galaxy is very big. It’s so big, in fact, that it can fit pretty much anything else into it. Well, perhaps not a larger galaxy, but smaller galaxies could fit in quite nicely.

  • J commented on the post, executive 8 years, 7 months ago

    Man, I wish I had a golden parachute.
    Actually, a regular parachute would suffice as well. Skydiving sounds like a lot more fun than insider trading.

  • J commented on the post, rocket 8 years, 10 months ago

    Red rocket, sparky, red rocket!

  • J commented on the post, stick 8 years, 11 months ago

    Don’t be such a stick in the mud.

    But that’s what I am. I am a piece of wood in a puddle that has become muddy.

    Then stop being such a smartass.

  • J commented on the post, sheets 8 years, 11 months ago

    “Mom, I wet the bed again.”
    “That’s okay, honey. We’ll clean it up.”
    “I did a poo too.”
    “…That’s…okay too…”
    “And I vomed everywhere.”
    “…ew….”

  • J commented on the post, stamps 8 years, 11 months ago

    Look at my collection. My commemorative Conway Twitty stamps are my faves. They’re sooooo cool.

  • J commented on the post, immense 8 years, 11 months ago

    Yo’ mama is so fat that she should probably see a doctor about it, and start exercising and eating healthier. Obesity kills.

  • J commented on the post, believer 8 years, 11 months ago

    Then I saw her face.
    But I’m an atheist.

  • J commented on the post, teeth 8 years, 11 months ago

    I had the dream where the teeth fall out again. But this time, it wasn’t because of financial worries. I dreamed that my dog turned into the hulk and punch me right in the mouth.

  • J commented on the post, transport 8 years, 11 months ago

    GET BACK TO ZEE CHOPPAH.

  • J commented on the post, copper 8 years, 11 months ago

    Myah, see! You’ll nevah catch me, coppah!

    Stop in the name of the law, cretin!

    Myahh, see! I’ll rob whatever 7-11 I want, see!

    You’ll never get away with this, copporne!
    (Fuck, I tried for a pun, it didn’t work.)