Hoping to post here again. Anyone still hanging out here?
I love the extra five seconds he gave me.
“I wish I could,” he had said.
“Oh well,” I had responded, “next time.”
And as I walked back to Elle’s car, I turned around and saw him watching me, looked dejected and sorry and sad. His skinny shoulders slightly stooped, his eyebrows creased with both worry and confusion, like he was trying to look…[Read more]
Make me gorgeous, make me into a star. Make me into someone that everyone wants to love, and everyone else loves to hate. Make me the kind of woman who can make people fall in love with me the moment they see me. Let me wink and suddenly have complete control over an entire room. Let me be mysterious and exciting and a legend. Let me live on in…[Read more]
I don’t know what to do. You ask me what’s wrong, and I want to tell you, but I know that if I do, you’ll tell me to stop being dramatic. You’re my dad, aren’t you supposed to care? Aren’t I supposed to be your princess? Or at least something to you?
You say that you “worry” about me, but somehow that “worry” doesn’t kick in until 1045 at night…[Read more]
I see you, and I feel happy.
You smile at me, and I’m at home.
I wish I could hold onto that look in your eyes when you said goodbye today.
I wish I could never forget how long you took to turn around.
I wish I could burn a picture of your smile into my mind and never forget it.
I wish we weren’t so hopeless.
Thank you. That was the first time I ever really let myself cry in front of someone that wasn’t family. You made me feel safe, and you didn’t judge me, or laugh at me, or mention it the next day. You just hugged me, asked me if I was all right, and brought me a birthday cappuccino the next day. I can’t begin to tell you how much that…[Read more]
What if I turned around and told you the truth? What if the next time your face was three inches from mine, I tilted my head, closed my eyes, and kissed you?
What if I wasn’t kidding about staying up all night watching movies together?
What if my jokes aren’t jokes?
What if I really truly want to be with you?
What if you weren’t going away to…[Read more]
I should spend every moment kissing you.
For all the times I couldn’t,
for all the nights I spent tossing and turning
wishing for nothing more
than the scent of you beside me,
and the freedom to kiss your temple
while you slept, unaware of the roiling
and growing and burning of my love
and my longing.
crack open the ribs
like the plastic cover
for your newest toy.
discard the things inside
you don’t need; instructions
and warranty, first.
enjoy until you grow tired
of its limits and downfalls and
quirks, then discard.
When the agony of breathing
usurps the treacherous pleasure
of your tongue grazing mine,
I’ll know I’ve been dreaming all along.
there are a hundred people
making love and war in my head;
all of them demanding attention,
all of them claiming a right to
this body I inhabit, claiming
they were the one meant
to move these limbs and pull
the levers and sift through
the jumble of thoughts
left behind from
a hundred different lives
lived before this one.
I once knew a girl with eyes that shone
like Venus on a clear night
and the sound of her voice
made crickets quiet down to listen.
But she was a flighty bird,
a burning-out star trapped
in our atmosphere, screaming
and dying to get out, to breathe in
space dust and toy with vortexes
and we were all too selfish
to recognize the gradual fading
I think about how you may have been a trigger
I never quite tripped.
You took me to the place
where your family buried your horses,
a wide patch of land surrounded by
dying trees and yellowed grass,
and we talked about things greater than ourselves
and we walked a little more.
I don’t think I would have loved you,
despite the kindness you s…[Read more]
the paint is peeling
in the corners,
the night hangs heavy,
a mouthful of molasses caught
in the back of my throat.
your absence fills the room
like cotton and I feel smothered