• richpee commented on the post, branch 6 years, 7 months ago

    Instead of writing about branch, I decided to draw a branch. I’m a branch drawing maniac. The results are on my tumblr. am I allowed to post the link? It took longer than a minute to draw. I hope I don’t get shot. Don’t worry; I’m a good oneword contributor. The link’s friendly.

    http://richpee.tumblr.com/image/47846713152

  • richpee commented on the post, crust 7 years, 4 months ago

    Ted set down the crust of his bread and overlooked his breakfast bounty. The orange juice fresh-squeezed. The cereal freshly milked, and the grapefruit half freshly fleshed. The only thing missing was the […]

  • richpee commented on the post, generator 7 years, 8 months ago

    Gerald pulled the lever on the generator and watched it crackle to life. The monster’s electrodes sputtered and sparked. Eyelids fluttered as the dead flesh reanimated. “I’d like a milkshake” it said. “Vanilla is […]

  • richpee commented on the post, epic 7 years, 9 months ago

    “OMG, it was epic!” Ashley said to her friends. “You should have been there. Tommy Masterson was walking into the lunchroom and he slipped on a puddle of gravy, his head hit the sneeze guard, he broke his nose and […]

  • richpee commented on the post, wagon 7 years, 9 months ago

    “Circle the wagons!” Billy Bob called the other boys to the center of the driveway, “there’s girls approaching!” The other boys pulled their little red wagons to circle around as Becky Bob and Sarah Bob passed by […]

  • richpee commented on the post, function 7 years, 9 months ago

    The function of a spoon is to get 20 servings, or rather one large jar of Nutella from the jar to my mouth. The function of my mouth is to enjoy the hell out of said nutella. The function of my digestive tract is to break down carbohydrates and fats, absorb nutrients, and try desperately […]

  • richpee commented on the post, odds 7 years, 9 months ago

    At odds with the Universe due to the Republican primaries, God thought He’d go on vacation to Tuscon. He found a nice little bed and breakfast at the foot of a mountain. On the first day, He had a nice continental breakfast (He loved the nice home made marmalade on rye toast) and spent the […]

  • richpee commented on the post, cabin 7 years, 10 months ago

    “How are we supposed to get into the cabin?” Rex asked Suze. “I don’t know,” she replied coldly, “did you remember to bring the key?” “No, I don’t have any pockets,” he said. She shot him an angry look. He continued, “…and neither do you. We’re bears.” “Oh,” Suze replied, “in that case, we should […]

  • richpee commented on the post, collar 7 years, 10 months ago

    “Ring around the collar” cried the woman who was a shill for a multinational laundry detergent conglomerate. Andrew stared at her in disbelief as his wife reached into her purse. Nobody was going to disrespect her prowess in the laundry room if she, and her brass knuckles, had anything to say about it.

  • richpee commented on the post, plans 7 years, 10 months ago

    My plans? I plan to go to bed. It’s freakin’ 4am. What do you expect? I have a big morning tomorrow. JFC dudes, I shoulda been in bed hours ago, but here you are, asking about my plans. I can’t take over the world tomorrow if I am sluggish of brain. Thank you and good […]

  • richpee commented on the post, hinge 7 years, 10 months ago

    “My head has fallen off,” said H.E.R.M.A.N. the Robot.
    “Well, you stupid bag of bolts,” said Fred Rubinstein, his friend and inventor, “you shouldn’t have placed your screwdriver in your vertrebral hinge,”

    “But that’s what you programmed me for, you brain-impeded meat sack!”

  • richpee commented on the post, bellow 7 years, 10 months ago

    Saul Bellow had to look out below when the bell (ow!) fell on his head with a great blow.

  • richpee commented on the post, accordion 7 years, 10 months ago

    Twelvefinger Billy tied off his horse in front of the saloon and pulled the accordion off the back of his horse. One purpose brought him into town today and he meant business. He slammed through the saloon doors with a clatter. Pointing a menacing finger at Dirk Dansworth at the bar, he boomed, “Dirk, this […]

  • richpee commented on the post, bench 7 years, 10 months ago

    Sitting on the bench, with two minutes left in the game, Alex was certain he would be able to bring his football team back from the 87-0 point deficit. “Coach! Put me in! Put me in!” Coach Howard thought about it for a second and called for a substitution. “Sure, you can play any position […]

  • richpee commented on the post, crisp 7 years, 10 months ago

    “It’s my birthday! It’s my birthday!” Brooke said to anyone who would listen. “Mr. Kitty cat, it’s my birthday!” Mr. doggie, it’s my birthday!” Mr. Rock under the tree, it’s my birthday! Mr. ” She had not decided not to go to work at the bakery, but she’d been caught up in the moment. After […]

  • richpee commented on the post, conceal 7 years, 10 months ago

    “Dont’ try to conceal any weapons,” the TSA agent screamed at the man, “I know you’re up to something!” the man’s mother turned to him and said, “Um, Jeezie? Maybe you want to pull those nails out of your hands and put them in your checked luggage.”

  • richpee commented on the post, sparkling 7 years, 10 months ago

    Josh flashed his sparkling smile as Jennifer threw the pewter engagement at him. It hit his front left incisor and cracked it. He continued to smile and said, “well, if that’s the case, how about a blowy and we’ll go our separate ways?” Jennifer said, “If that’s what it will take for you to leave […]

  • richpee commented on the post, bland 7 years, 10 months ago

    Oh, it may be a blander world where thoughts are controlled, speech is censored and people are not allowed to pursue their dreams. It is however, better for society in general if we are disallowed from being individuals. The more we conform, the better off we are. Blandness rules!

  • richpee commented on the post, lilies 7 years, 10 months ago

    Tony nibbled on a slice of grapefruit that looked a bit like van Gogh’s ear off his breakfast plate. He remarked to his cat, “Miz Tilly, I need you to understand something.” He grabbed one of the lillies that looked like van Gogh’s belly button from the vase in the middle of his breakfast table […]

  • richpee commented on the post, dozen 7 years, 10 months ago

    I just read nearly three dozen quotes by Rick Santorum that reinforce the idea that he is a frothy mixture of … you know the rest. How can one man be so filled with ignorance and hatred? How can that same man nearly become the supreme ruler of the state of Iowa? Sadly, I have […]