• rahostetler commented on the post, shootout 8 years ago

    I had the basket of bread. All eyes were on me. All I had to do was feed the large monster and the sword of triumph would be mine. Suddenly, a hair got in my eye. Like one of those enormous lashes that you just can’t get out. Before I knew it, the monster ate […]

  • rahostetler commented on the post, train 8 years, 4 months ago

    The train moved quickly down the tracks. Suddenly, a loud BOOM came from the caboose. “What was that?” cried the train conductor. When he went to look, he saw nothing but a great big polar bear reprimanding a passenger for not having a ticket.

  • rahostetler commented on the post, cowboy 8 years, 11 months ago

    I met a cowboy once. He was depressed because he had been out of work for 3 years. He was underemployed as an ice cream maker. He churned ice cream for fat little greedy children. He would much rather be shooting bad guys in the wild wild west.

  • rahostetler commented on the post, average 8 years, 11 months ago

    I guess I’m just an average space explorer. I haven’t really discovered anything, except for more space. All I want is to be like the other famous space explorers and discover things like black holes and aliens on other planets. Who am I kidding, I’ll never be as great as them. I guess I’m just […]

  • rahostetler commented on the post, schedule 9 years ago

    I was way behind schedule. I was supposed to be taking the trash to the city dump but I totally got distracted by this bicycle laying on the road. I was like, “this could be mine.” But the bicycler said, “yeah, i don’t think so. Quit staring at my bike.”

  • rahostetler commented on the post, hats 9 years, 1 month ago

    I once had many hats. They all had names and could talk. My baseball hat would say things like, “baseball rocks.” My top hat would say things like the Gettysburg Address. My winter hats were the best because they were generally the quietest.

  • rahostetler commented on the post, mist 9 years, 1 month ago

    Through the window I saw the mist falling from the sky. “What a stupid rainy day,” my friend said. He was mad because he wanted to play baseball. But baseball is dumb.

  • rahostetler commented on the post, probable 9 years, 2 months ago

    The most improbably thing ever is if an elephant living on Douglas avenue would walk out and say that he didn’t like peanuts. Elephants love peanuts.

  • rahostetler commented on the post, made 9 years, 2 months ago

    Pie was made to enjoy, not to be used to punish clowns. If we wanted to make something to punish clowns, we would just put them in a room of eternally sad children.

  • rahostetler commented on the post, strung 9 years, 2 months ago

    I had a lot of pencils strung together with gummy bears. When before I knew it, I had a mile of pencils and gummy bears. Too bad I did this in the woods. This offended both the trees and the bears.

  • rahostetler commented on the post, half 9 years, 2 months ago

    I was in the coffee shop and they were out of creamer. I was so mad that I threw my coffee at the wall. I felt bad and started to clean it up. While I was cleaning the wall I noticed an add for 50 cents off half and half at the grocery store next […]

  • rahostetler commented on the post, vase 9 years, 2 months ago

    The vase was a mean vase. She never liked any flowers. Whenever a flower would try to make conversation, the vase would immediately halt the conversation with a blunt statement,”just so you know, flower, you’re probably not going not make it very long. You guys never do.”

  • rahostetler commented on the post, lens 9 years, 3 months ago

    Through the lens of my sunglasses I see the sun. Wearing sunglasses makes it okay to look at the sun. In fact I do it for hours at a time just to see if I can notice any solar flares. I can never see any solar flares but my eyes do burn when I go […]

  • rahostetler commented on the post, lease 9 years, 3 months ago

    I had a car once. It was a blue car with yellow tires. I was sad when the lease ran out because I liked the yellow tires and the blue paint. So I kept the tires and peeled off the paint.

  • rahostetler commented on the post, secure 9 years, 3 months ago

    The time when the sun falls out of the sky is the least secure time there is. That is when everything falls apart and nothing can be worse. So when people say,”is that a safe and secure decision?” You can reply, “no, but at least the sun isn’t falling from the sky.”

  • rahostetler commented on the post, scoop 9 years, 3 months ago

    Alright, so when I walked into this detective agency, a small detective appeared and told me, “alright, here’s the scoop.” I was like, “scoop? You’re only like ten years old!

    (this may be my weirdest post ever)

  • rahostetler commented on the post, chaos 9 years, 3 months ago

    A lot of things lead to chaos. Like when bears run out of the zoo. When they run out of the zoo they head straight for the grocery store where they eat all of the honey and turnips. If that isn’t chaos, I don’t know what is.

  • rahostetler commented on the post, myth 9 years, 3 months ago

    Things that aren’t true are myths. Like the myth that cats are as cool as dogs. Or the myth that space ships only work when they’re in space. I want to make up a myth about something just so when people are like, “is that true or just a myth?” I can say, “no, I […]

  • rahostetler commented on the post, mud 9 years, 3 months ago

    I once fell into a pile of mud. It wasn’t as bad as many might think. It was actually full of candy bars. I don’t know how the mud had candy bars but it did and I ate all of the muddy candy bars.

  • rahostetler commented on the post, beach 9 years, 3 months ago

    The beach is a place where the water meets the sand. I wish that they didn’t have to meet. What if they never met? Is this possible? If they never met then we wouldn’t have sun tans, or pesky sea gulls. Sounds good to me.