• I don’t think you felt sorry about breaking my heart. I think you think I deserved it. As unaware as I was of how much I loved you, you were just as unaware of how much your love for me was changing into a desire to maim my soul.

    I am not sorry that we happened though. For whatever it was worth, even the feeling of hurt sometimes matters more…[Read more]

  • Maybe he is a terrible person. You said it yourself. He never did love you.

    But we really did have something special. It was true love. We were soul mates.

    Were you? Why then did he leave?

    He had places to be.

  • I never wanted to say goodbye. But moments are shorter when we wished they’d never end. I stood there, not wanting to leave feeling pushed away ever second.

    Turns out I was being pushed away. The Captain no longer wanted to be mine.

  • Life your life that way, they say. And that way was insane. I listened in fear of being shunned. So I shunned away my dreams and desires instead.

  • It’s alright, bud. Hang in there. Be a trooper.

    I know the boys call you gay. And the girls call you pansy. I know and you know that they’re not wrong. But it’s okay. You are different. It’s allowed.

    It’s unfair and it’s wrong. I know and you know. And you know what? They know it too.

  • Alcohol soothes the pain like balm. Just a sip more and the pain reduces and you’re less tired and more unaware. One more sip till the pain is forgotten and all that’s left is emptiness.

    You forget. I forget. We erase. Get erased. Disappearing as ice does in a warm glass of bourbon.

  • Sickness sucks. The indignities of disease are easy to get used to because they occur so slowly. Dying of illness is a very slow process. Nothing like a gun shot.

    It takes days and years and an entire lifetime to get so sick that you die. And then you do and it doesn’t matter.

  • The chip was implanted in my mind the first time you spoke to me. I always thought you were very cute. But when we spoke to me, the very first time, I knew this was love.

    What else could it have been?

    When you left, my brain would often go back in time and track your memories down. Sounds and smells and silence would remind me of you.

  • The love affair was doomed beforehand. Even before they kissed the first time, it was obvious that what had happened couldn’t disappear.

    That’s the thing about love, rather about acting out when in love. The things that seem so illicit and hot then make no sense in the light of day and even lesser sense every day hence.

  • I wish for the comfort of an armchair in my old age. A luxury I’m too poor to afford. I would love to curl up on it with a blanket and wait till my breathing slowing stops and all that is left is stagnant air in my lungs.

    I want to grow old and die old. A luxury I am too poor to accept.

  • They poured from the sky. One day. And they never stopped after that.

    Kilo by kilo. Millions of them, blotting out the blue expanse of air behind them. They fell like sponge from above.

    They fell till one could no longer made lemonade of them.

  • And the tears dissolved into her skin; saline bullets that cracked her esteem. And memories crosshatched became to come undone. Smells began to rot and pictures began to convert to pixels.

    Their life together fell apart in a process and with it, her breath and being.

  • The smell of absence attracted me more than the lure of homeliness. I need to leave. There is nothing more left for me here. I’m trapped and I will die bitter here.

    I need to leave. To the lands which remain unknown, much further away from here. I need to leave today more than I needed to yesterday.

  • We were hiding in the trench below the army base. I could feel arms digging through my vest into my guts and my ribs.

    Above the catacomb we rested in, I could hear airplanes and bombs and screams and silence.

    The silence in the trench, leave the shallow voices of our discordant breaths is what terrified me the most.

  • paridhirustogi commented on the post, learn 6 years, 7 months ago

    And each day, she felt her inherent craziness disappear, replaced with formulae and theorems. Each day, she unlearnt the things she didn’t have to learn, but just knew.

    Each day she went to school. Each day she forgot more than she could learn.

  • He claimed my heart. I claimed his. I claimed his best friend’s heart too. He claimed my heart back. My heart was split. I was choking.

    I was claimed by love. Till he left; the one I loved. After that, I was claimed solely by sadness.

  • She said, I do. He said his vows. They kissed chastely in front of 200 people. The bride was blushing pink. The groom was adorning black.

    They said they would spend their lives together. Save each other each time they faced trouble. Be there whenever they needed them.

    And then they walked away from each other, vows shattered. Esteems hurt.

  • paridhirustogi commented on the post, wall 6 years, 7 months ago

    Another brick on the wall. Another one fell down. Another shove. One more push. The wall fell apart.

    The grimy faces on the other side peered into my eyes. Undressing me. In an attempt to understand my reasons and my history.

    I stood there as the grovel rained down around me. And smiled cause I was still alive.

  • It pointed north, though his heart told him what he really wanted, he was leaving behind. He wanted to move towards the mountains, away from her and her smile. Away from her smell and her essence. Away from everything that wanted him to become a better man.

    He saw the compass once again, to check and kept moving on.

  • Her body was lithe and she moved gracefully. Her hair was black, curly and heavy on her shoulders. She walked across him, without a glance. She kept walking. He kept looking till she moved out of his sight.

    It was love at first sight. He wanted her to be his.