• Natalie commented on the post, game 6 years, 3 months ago

    not thinking is a dangerous game for me to be playing. when I try to just feel and just do, it’s like I can’t remember the rules to whatever game this is and then finally I realize i’s because I don’t even remember what game it is we’re playing, and then I realize, that I won’t know when it is that I’ve lost this way. If I don’t even know what…[Read more]

  • Natalie commented on the post, themselves 6 years, 4 months ago

    It was all they could do to keep to themselves, tied up in bow ties and wrapped together in matching tuxedos, each alone and together at least in that, in that they were themselves.

  • Natalie commented on the post, interest 6 years, 4 months ago

    It was never really enough to keep my interest – I watched the relationship pass by like a car on the street, only I should’t have been on the sidewalk. I should have been a passenger – if not the driver. But my interest passed just as did the relationship.

  • Natalie commented on the post, spring 7 years, 5 months ago

    I felt this great need to spring up out of bed, to run outside, to do something other than just lying there as I had been. I wanted to move. I wondered what I would wear that day. I wondered how I was going to get anywhere without a car. I wondered what I would […]

  • Natalie commented on the post, prosperous 7 years, 5 months ago

    I guess my dreams can live this prosperous life, even if I never actually live those dreams, you know? I’ll feed them, pay the utmost attention to them, and then they’re sure to prosper. And while I have something as special as dreams I’ll prosper too. Even if they aren’t coming true I’m still existing […]

  • Natalie commented on the post, warned 7 years, 5 months ago

    I’ve been warned now, I suppose. Just so that there will be no surprises. I guess it’s not like it’s actually going to prevent anything – well, nothing, no real actual concrete thing. Surprise is not a thing. I can’t touch it, I can’t hold it. It’s fine, it’s all good. I’ve been warned.

  • Natalie commented on the post, pressed 7 years, 6 months ago

    I’m pressed for time, like some flower between the pages of a book, wanting to last beyond what I was maybe intended. And my youth will fade, unlike that flower – but we’ll both be devoid of something, water, life – time. Something. If I carry on this way, that is. I’m just so pressed […]

  • Natalie commented on the post, preoccupied 7 years, 6 months ago

    estoy preocupada – tan preocupada que la primera cosa que pienso es en esapnol, aunque en realidad, no hablo esta idioma. No puedo pensar ahora mismo, y entonces mi cerebro encontra un sendero diferente, y desconocido a mi.

  • Natalie commented on the post, convinced 7 years, 6 months ago

    I’m convinced now, I suppose. It doesn’t matter that I won’t later be able to trace exactly why That is, or figure out that I really shouldn’t be. I’m convinced and that’s the only reason there is. No middle ground here, not one way with which I could turn back. That’s the way things are. […]

  • Natalie commented on the post, port 7 years, 6 months ago

    IT was supposed to be a port city… I didn’t see any port. Just the cars backed into the lake to get washed. And it’s making me think of this film I’ve just seen, the end of the river, and realizing while watching it that my illusions of grandeur are gone. I am what I […]

  • Natalie commented on the post, concern 7 years, 6 months ago

    And it is a concern of mine, whether you think it concerns me or not. Does the worry that I carry not have any effect on what I should or should not be involved in?

  • Natalie commented on the post, shootout 7 years, 6 months ago

    This point is the one where I don’t know what to do – how to confront all these stresses placing themselves around the weakest points of my psyche, wanting to fight back but not knowing what to fight against exactly – looks like it’s going to be a shootout.

  • Natalie commented on the post, rally 7 years, 6 months ago

    Rally together, rally day – it’s a rather unattractive word, really, not in its meaning but just in its sound. It doesn’t sound like something I’d want to rally around. I’d actually want to disband because of it, meaning left behind in a frantic frenzy to scurry away from things that are not aesthetically pleasing […]

  • Natalie commented on the post, trade 7 years, 6 months ago

    “Did they get you to trade your heroes for ghosts” – that’s what I think of when i think of this word. And then I wonder how many of our heroes were ever actually tangible people. My parents and siblings? Yes. Writers, artists, people I have never met? To my perceptions, at least, they don’t […]

  • Natalie commented on the post, hover 7 years, 6 months ago

    All these thoughts just hover above my head – not really a part of my psyche and yet close enough that they are undeniably mine. I don’t know what to do about them. I could swat them away like little mosquitoes, but then, they don’t feed off of me so much as I feed off […]

  • Natalie commented on the post, bars 7 years, 6 months ago

    Trying to see what exactly was going on was like looking through a window behind slatted blinds, or from within some cage with thin bars obscuring every other little bit of being. Or maybe like sitting behind some massive corporate bar code, a price on life.

  • Natalie commented on the post, existence 7 years, 6 months ago

    I suppose that’s just what this is. The fact that I’m 17 and wasn’t always and won’t always. Or that I live and buy into a capitalist system. Or any other number of things. And infinite number of things. And different for everyone too. But what I have right here? I don’t know how to […]

  • Natalie commented on the post, insect 7 years, 6 months ago

    Glittering wings and mechanical buzzing shot through the air like a hundred tiny javelins – sound surrounded them so cold and unwavering it did not seem like they could come from something organic. thousands of faceted eyes – staring.

  • Natalie commented on the post, ant 7 years, 6 months ago

    Things that I can’t do, wondering about what I want and how close it is to what others want, and none of these words are ant even if they contain it. anti-establishment, I suppose.

  • Natalie commented on the post, salt 7 years, 6 months ago

    You are the salt of the Earth – and I wonder exactly what it is here, on earth, that I should be exciting. The people around me are so strongly opinionated, so boldly flavored already – I don’t know how to add that little extra sprinkle or two. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, […]