• MibbiTheDoorman commented on the post, wake 8 years, 8 months ago

    Well I kept hoping I’d wake up and find it was all a drea, but no: the six foot long inflatable banana sat like a indictment in the corner of my room. That glaring desperate yellow stabbed my aching head and scorched my bleary eyes. Not only had I slurringly bid £2000 I would now […]

  • My god! What the **** has happened to you? Wha-what do you mean? You’re covered in purple and orand pustules – no in fact they’re far more blotch-like. Multicoloured blotches? Techno-blotches, previously unknown to science. What have you been up to? Well…you know the kind of stuff I’m into… TOO well, man. It’s the aliens. […]

  • So I said to him, like, this space ship has just landed in Cabot Circus? And he was like, really? I’ve been feeling weird all day – kind of sick and bloated, you know? And I was like, either you’re pregnant with an alien baby or they’re watching you specially, man. Like they KNOW the […]

  • All I want is to bury him in a respectable manner! I loved him… You asked me to help get rid of the body and I’m doing it. What do you want, aftercare and a ******** warranty? For the amount I’m paying you that wouldn’t be unreasonable, Cedric…. Don’t ***** call me that! You know […]

  • Nothing succeeds like success, Stuart told himself. He straightened his tie, dusted down his new Paul Smith suit and stepped out through the doors. The heat hit him as though it was something solid. We looked up as he came into the warm garden and all burst out laughing. “Sucker” giggled Mike, his naked skin […]

  • I won’t be able to write anything about this.

    Hey! Wait!

    I didn’t mean it like that……………

  • Cannon fire. Not the lightest way to wage war. Then again it’s even worse these days. We are all told we should all do our best to avoid conflict (espcecially we doormen – we have to do a course on it). If world leaders (who let’s face it are a lot better paid) can’t manage […]

  • Well at first it was like that cheesy old song – I’m sticking with you? Oh right. And did she stick? To begin with. Then it became clear she was making a horrible mistake. He was a typcial Brit – got messy drunk once too often and she chucked him out. Went off with the […]

  • Wrong rhymes iwth bong.

    Is is wrong to post two drug related entries in one day?

    It also rhymes with song which is an anagram of snog.

    I woulldn’t like to snog a dog.

    But what is life without a song and a bong?

  • Here’s the politer version: Well he was three sheets to the wind I can tell you. I don’t even know how he got on the plane. What happened? Mate you do not want to know. He gets really nervous flying? And all that Ch**** didn’t help one bit. Wehn the steward came round and told […]

  • Well he was three sheets to the wind I can tell you. Don’t know why they ever let him on the plane. What happened? Mate you do not want to know. He gets really nervous flying? And all that charlie did not help one little bit. So when the steward came round to tell him […]

  • He stamps and shouts and postures, asserts and denies and has Europe’s most outrageous hair transplant. Silvio Berlusconi is definitely more interesting than Barack Obama.

  • These days even atheists are believers: they proselytise just as much as the christians do. Thankfully, however, they have not yet started to blow things up.

  • Willow, birch, larch, oak…in the ancient mythologies these woods all had their properties, their attributions. Each represented a principle of the macrocosm and represented one of the ways a shaman might make contact with it.

    Primitive maybe, but to me these Hermetic ideas are beautiful.