• Catori commented on the post, malice 1 year, 7 months ago

    i know that it’s the right thing for both of us and that neither of us is in a position to be in a relationship right now but i’m so broken up about it–broken up. ha. anyway, malice. there’s no malice behind any of it, but it doesn’t help to make me feel any less alone. i don’t belong to anyone, my heart is heavy as an oil drum.

  • Catori commented on the post, melting 2 years, 3 months ago

    There is an hour and a half left until my birthday. It’s 10:34pm, so I won’t actually turn 19 until 2:07am. I still have three hours or so. 18 is just melting away. I’ve really liked being 18. I did a lot of stuff. Checked off a lot of things. I deserve good things. I think I like myself after all.

  • Catori commented on the post, executives 2 years, 5 months ago

    The executives, in their grey suits and white collared shirts, sat in a row along the table facing me. I knew my days were numbered, but there was no need for this disgusting irony. That I should sit in rags while they sat in silk was an intolerable injustice, and for that, I will not go down without a fight.

  • Catori commented on the post, intimidate 2 years, 5 months ago

    I read this as intimate, so that’s what I’m going to write about. I think I have problems with intimacy. I think I get way too attached way too early, or I just don’t get attached at all. I want what I can’t have, and I want everyone to love me and want me. I think it’s a problem.

  • Catori commented on the post, mermaid 2 years, 7 months ago

    I heard someone say once “but hey if you don’t have a thigh gap, that means you’re that much closer to being a mermaid!” and I laughed, because that’s such a nice way of looking at it, and then I continued to starve myself for the rest of the day.

  • Catori commented on the post, freeze 2 years, 7 months ago

    sometimes even when it’s warm my fingers are cold. i came up with a cool phrase AND NO YOU CAN’T USE IT IT’S MINE which is “as blue as chilly fingers.” i always write down nice neat little phrases i think of. i have a looooong note on my phone that’s so long that sometimes when i try to scroll all the way through and read the whole thing my phone…[Read more]

  • Catori commented on the post, stagnation 2 years, 8 months ago

    I often feel that sense of stillness creep in not when I’m alone, but when I’m with someone I like very much. I begin to worry that things have become too steady. I’ve always been scared of permanence. I worry that I’m trapped in a situation because I don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.

  • Catori commented on the post, hollow 2 years, 10 months ago

    The memories are just memories now. I’m listening to the short recording of us singing our duet– it was only a few months ago. Three, maybe four. But it’s so far gone now. I can so clearly remember the day we made this recording, but now the perfect notes, though they still go together, ring hollow for me.

  • Catori commented on the post, boom 3 years, 4 months ago

    Achoo, bang, crash! The noisy alphabet! It was one of my favourite ebooks as a child. When I was a toddler, my parents figured out that if they just sat me in bed with a bottle of milk and a pile of picture books, I would read myself to sleep. In middle school my dad actually had to pry the book from my hands a few times….

  • Catori commented on the post, elevator 5 years, 6 months ago

    The doors slid closed and my smile spread. Score one for me this time.

  • Catori commented on the post, beforehand 5 years, 6 months ago

    My life is broken into three sections: the Before, the During, and the After.
    In the Before, I was slowly losing hope. I was in pain. But I was also oddly innocent.
    In the During, I was blissful. I was incredulous. I was happier than I have ever been.
    Now, in the After, I have lost hope. I am constantly in pain. I am no longer innocent.
    I…[Read more]

  • Catori commented on the post, leveled 5 years, 6 months ago

    The land here used to be peaked an valleyed. Not on its own, but there were such buildings here. There were tall and teetering victorians, square and squat convenience stores, and people, people, people! People who smiled, people who were angry, people who hit each other and waited on each other and held each others’ hands as they crossed the…[Read more]

  • Catori commented on the post, border 5 years, 8 months ago

    From earliest childhood, society builds walls and specific guides for where we are supposed to go. Then they tell us to draw outside the lines, think outside the box, shit like that. MAKE UP YOUR MIND. It’s confusing, especially coming from childhood into adulthood.

  • Catori commented on the post, stamped 5 years, 9 months ago

    My heart is like a blank page that’s been written on many times in pencil, and then lots of things have been erased. You can see the faint outlines of where the words used to be written, the deeper the remaining indents, the darker the words had been written, the more effort it had taken to erase them. For some reason, I can’t erase your name. I…[Read more]

  • Catori commented on the post, simplify 6 years, 2 months ago

    We live in such a full world, such a busy, loud, happening world. We need to take a moment and just look around. We need to calm. We need o rest. We need to simplify.

  • Catori commented on the post, branch 6 years, 3 months ago

    “Too far out on the limb,” she thinks. “He’s going to fall…” But he doesn’t. Teetering on the end of the branch, he takes one more step, out into empty air, and stands there, motionless, nothing but the soles of his shoes and eleven feet of space between him and the rocky sand. “It’s all about believing,” he murmurs almost to himself, smiling a…[Read more]

  • Catori commented on the post, weathered 6 years, 4 months ago

    The house was old, as it was apparent from the outside. The roof tiles were falling in, the weathered wrought iron gate leered at passersby… and yet whomever looked at the house got the feeling that someone lived there… it didn’t feel empty. An if it did, it was only waiting for someone to get back.

  • Catori commented on the post, flat 6 years, 5 months ago

    The ground goes on flat for miles. You could see anything that was on the horizon… if there ever was anything, which there never is. This is what a desert with no wind is like… flat, hot, endless. Endless. the whole world, we sometimes think, must be this windless desert. BUt where would the water in the ground come from then? It never…[Read more]

  • Catori commented on the post, claims 6 years, 5 months ago

    It’s always hard to wake up after an amazing dream about someone, to see them and know that whatever claims they made in your sleep aren’t real, whatever kisses they gave you are your memories alone. It’s so hard to see them and not rush up and wrap your arms around them like you’ll never let go. I miss you when you’re here…

  • Catori commented on the post, musical 6 years, 5 months ago

    It’s about how I feel like I can never be tied down again. It’s about how I feel that I’m finally set free from anything keeping me anywhere. It’s about how everyone feels something, whether they be blind, deaf, black, white, gay, straight, man, woman, or child. Everyone has a common language– music.