• Crouching down, words hovering above me. Lectures about everything I’m doing and not doing and what you want me to do and what you want me not to do. Lectures from you and everyone else, towering over me every second to make sure it’s only ever what you need. If I were to leave and stand in the field, everything at my level, I wouldn’t know what…[Read more]

  • It was my first time camping, and I was given the amazing privilege of exploring on my own. My twelve year old mind was flying with the possibilities this entailed. I discovered my own private little island, with white butterflies everywhere. They landed all over me, and I closed my eyes and felt that my […]

  • I was always looking for the whys of the world; why was I born into this turmoil, why didn’t I fit in with the others, why was everything so much harder for me? People went through their social interactions with ease, breezed past me with far more elegance than I would ever have. I never […]

  • The rubber band snaps back, always dependable, and I am left to my own amusement. I snap it endlessly; it pounds against my wrist, leaves its mark. This useless elastic band is making more of a mark than I am, though it will fade away in moments. I sit in a crowded room completely alone […]

  • There are always promises. Promises to be there, promises I believed in. Always. Lightning flashes briefly and illuminates the night, but if you’re not looking it’s the thunder that tells you it’s there. I wasn’t looking, I didn’t see until the sound rang in my hears. White noise, static, as expected. Who was I to […]

  • Ashley Flowers commented on the post, mole 8 years, 6 months ago

    He wrote on the board that a mole was 6.02×10 to the 23rd power. I didn’t care. I never did. Wasn’t that why I had taken a seat in the back of the room? No, it had been to sit behind him. And how had my priorities changed throughout the year that I stopped watching […]

  • I was always the one people called when they were crying. It was always a mystery to me, for I’m not particularly warm, or bright, and I never have good advice at hand. But so it happened. Males and females, friends and frenemies, calling in the afternoon or the middle of the night sobbing and […]

  • Ashley Flowers commented on the post, crew 8 years, 7 months ago

    “We’re a crew,” he promised, extended his pinky to me. “Me, you, and all our friends. A crew. Remember when we learned that word? Crew.” We linked pinkies and shook, but I knew it wouldn’t last and he knew he didn’t mean it. We were at the end of elementary school, on the brink of […]

  • Ashley Flowers commented on the post, birth 8 years, 7 months ago

    Her birth was a moment I had waited for with annoyance for hours with a group of five who couldn’t stand each other. They left me, too young, waiting alone in the floor below the birthing level. It was quiet, that night, and you could hear the muffled sounds of new mothers screaming, could hear […]

  • Ashley Flowers commented on the post, waver 8 years, 7 months ago

    I waver on the simplest decisions and stand strong on the toughest. It is the way I always was. The questions that should have confused me or led me astray at some point, any point, are the ones which have always prompted me to hold my beliefs safe and firm. The easiest things, the choices […]

  • Ashley Flowers commented on the post, heel 8 years, 7 months ago

    I cut the back of my heel while shaving; a regular mistake of mine so common that my family expected the bloody, dripping mess my foot was when I retreated from the shower. I remember one day, holding the razor and purposefully dragging it along the back of my foot. I didn’t think it through. […]

  • “It doesn’t hurt!” she lied, brandishing the stick at me. It took everything in me not to flinch away as she not-so-delicately dragged it along the line of my lower lashes. In five minutes, she managed to teach me a valuable lesson I had been lacking in. I had thought for all that time that […]

  • Ashley Flowers commented on the post, camp 8 years, 7 months ago

    I always have been, always am, a solitary creature at camp. I set up my own things, and then I spend hours staring at the water, swimming though I hate it, hiking along the stream. The water calms me in ways nobody and nothing else can. I return to eat, and then I prefer not […]

  • We tied bandanas over our mouths and pretended we were bandits, leaping from couch to couch. For an entire summer, I felt like I had friends. We were all getting too old to play games, but we played furiously, knowing that our childhood was slipping through our fingers. I look back on these people now, […]

  • The fluorescent lights were all wrong as we ran beneath them in the empty streets. We were friends, but not really. Tearing at the seams that connected us, but none of us knew yet. We raced back and forth and I won, but I never really won. I touched the street lamp first, I was […]

  • I spent so many years vainly searching for a four leaf clover that when it appeared beside me I couldn’t see it for what it was. I tugged at the stems of so many fabrications, so many disguises, that I forgot what the real thing was. It came to me in a time of no […]

  • I remember the chorus of opposition as I entered the room. How can I forget? I remember the bitter laughter. They hated me. I didn’t know why, then. It was hard to accept that those people I worshiped were suddenly against me. But I had someone to go to, and I knelt by her side- […]

  • Ashley Flowers commented on the post, robot 8 years, 7 months ago

    I tried to lock my feelings away, but it was harder than it seemed. I hid the way I truly felt to protect them, to protect myself. I thought I was helping them, until he laughed and said, “You’re like a robot.” The words washed over me, drenching me with misery. Was that all I […]

  • The acoustic guitar was my Christmas present. I spent the months before in breathless anticipation, constantly asking if I was going to get what I wanted, pointing out guitars in stores so I could describe their good and bad points. I got my first Killers CD that year, and my first Blue October CD. I […]

  • It was the way of the world; a way I had gotten used to years and years ago. When I was five years old and we were unable to afford ballet lessons that I had to quit, and my distant cousins were complaining of lessons they were forced to go to. When I went my […]