“It’s all about timing though, isn’t it?”
She said this to me as we lie together in bed.
Her smiling. Me, looking away.
I couldn’t believe what we’d just done.
Yesterday I wouldn’t have believed there was ever an appropriate time for this.
I’m not so sure.
I turned back toward her and returned the smile.
I peer out over the porch rail, like an emperor admiring his vast conquests. It feels great to be free and safe on this warm, winter’s day. Such has not necessarily always been the case. But if the ends ultimately prove to justify the means, however convoluted and tortuous the road has been, is it worthwhile to admonish oneself for the missteps of…[Read more]
We sat on the bench together facing the bridge. My hand near enough to feel the warmth of yours, but far enough to not overstep my boundaries. But then you did. You reached over and nestled your hand into mine. And craned your head into the nook of my neck.
I have never been so in love as I was with that starlit version of us.
The group of people around me are reduced to nothing. It’s impossible to feel like a member of the whole when all you can see are the faults in others. Dissection completed in a moment.
I look at you and I see everything you’re afraid that I will see. And it’s ok.
I would give anything for that big break. I would drop everything that I’ve accomplished (and that certainly is not nothing) to have an opportunity, To be someone known. To be someone seen. To be someone. Because I think they’d like me. And then maybe I would too.
I cannot remember the last time anything made me feel overjoyed. That’s not true, I remember every time I have ever felt overjoyed. Incidentally each is shrouded in the inevitable disappointment that follows. There is no worse feeling than realizing just how badly you have misjudged a situation.
I refuse to be limited by my place in time. I refuse to be limited by place in life. I refuse to be limited by my sense of self.
Perhaps I’m too old to maintain grandiose ideals of historic adoration and respect, but here we are. There is always hope.
I’ve always thought of myself as two separate people. Not in the Dissociative way. Rather in the sense that I can establish a facade better than anyone. I know the right things to say in any given situation, but manage to never lose my sense of self. The inner me is always cognizant and very much in control. Isn’t that what knowing yourself is all…[Read more]
The thought of her name is enough to get to me. The sight of her face sends me to my knees and strips my manhood. Ultimately, it’s easier to dull my senses and let myself fall into an apathetic abyss. Sure, I may not care about much. But I certainly can’t feel completely incomplete when I can’t feel anything at all.
I ran to the top of the same familiar hill. As I stood atop the minor topography and gazed across the tiny town that I called home, I couldn’t help but wonder about the greater things for me out there. Things waiting to be accomplished. I dropped to my knees and started to roll downhill. It wouldn’t be until years later that I realized that my…[Read more]
She looked at me from across the room. Curly hair rolled tightly to her head. Glass of champagne lingering about her lips. Jewelry sparkling gaily in the bleaching light of the vast crystal chandelier. She was looking at me only. That was me done for.
Love is for fools. Fools willing to sacrifice a significant bit of themselves for the happiness of another. Willing to let themselves feel vulnerable enough for a true connection. Willing to offer themselves up in spite of the opportunity for rejection and embarrassment.
As an intelligent man, all I’ve ever wanted is to be considered such a…[Read more]
I throw my hands up above my head in exasperation. I look up to the Lord above. And scream. With everything I’ve got inside me.
The shrill sound frightens even me at first.
But I can’t help it.
Someone is always listening. There is always something that I cannot say.
But not out here. Here, it’s just me and Him. But He knows it all…[Read more]
He ties that familiar knot in his bow tie and laces up his hounds-tooth shoes.
Staring at himself in the full-length mirror, he can see the city lights reflected behind him. Nothing in particular stands out. Just the amorphous lights on a tired street.
It doesn’t matter where he is. It’s where he was meant to be.
The city calls out to him. The…[Read more]
I could see the love draining from her eyes, as she withered in the corner of the hotel room.
What have I done? I gave it all up in a momentary lapse in judgement. A fit of passion. The wrong type of passion.
There’s no going back from this.
Once you’ve struck the one you love, there’s never much more to say.
I have become my father. I can’t…[Read more]
I hate going home for Christmas. Nothing is the same. In that everything is the same.
The same stupid people.
The same foolish mentality.
The boring places.
With their boring faces.
Everything in the world is constantly changing.
But not here.
What I wouldn’t give to be a part of that. But I’m the piece that doesn’t fit.