• Joanna commented on the post, conspiracy 5 months ago

    Conspiracies abound — Martin Luther King, Jr. and JFK and Robert Kennedy all shot to death — everyone realizes these events were conspiracies. But who conspired? How did they plan it? What can we do? And now there’s a conspiracy (I guess it’s the same old eternal conspiracy) against women.

  • Joanna commented on the post, seaside 7 months ago

    We’re going to the beach, I shout to my teenage daughter who hasn’t left her bedroom for several weeks. Come on now, I keep shouting at her, get into your bathing suit, grab your reef shoes, I’ve made lunch, we’re leaving in 20 minutes. Come on, come on, come on, I’m sick to pieces about your hiding out in there. I’ve forgotten what you look like.…[Read more]

  • Joanna commented on the post, sway 7 months, 1 week ago

    Sway with me, make me sway. We have palm trees here. We have hula dancers with swaying hips. I, on the other hand, have been swaying my hips too much in Zumba. They are both so painful, sharp shooting pains below my waist and toward my spine. I think I need to sneak into a neighbor’s house, any neighbor will do, steal a bottle of oxycontin, or…[Read more]

  • Joanna commented on the post, established 7 months, 2 weeks ago

    I established a rule for myself just now. I am going to vroom vroom vroom right through this one word today and then go out for happy hour to somewhere, wherever, and establish that as a pattern, a routine, a pathway to paradise, and an idiotic thing to do. now, you may ask, how can a pathway to paradise be an idiotic thing to do? let me count the…[Read more]

  • Joanna commented on the post, tempted 7 months, 3 weeks ago

    Temptation gripped her. He was hurt, her best friend’s boyfriend, hurt that he couldn’t stay with her best friend anymore. He turned to her instead, asked her to a party, ended up sitting with her on the porch in one of those swings, he pulled her close, he said, I don’t know what to do, can I come home with you tonight?” She was tempted, so…[Read more]

  • Joanna commented on the post, patch 7 months, 4 weeks ago

    She walks around with a black patch over her blue eye. Her other eye is brown. She likes it better. She hides the blue. She never goes near the ocean unless it’s gray. She doesn’t look toward the sky unless it’s raining. If by accident she sees something blue, she cringes, she puts her hands up to her brown eye to avoid the sight. The blue eye…[Read more]

  • Joanna commented on the post, photography 8 months, 2 weeks ago

    I wouldn’t let anyone photograph my apartment now if my life depended on it. Well, I would, if my life depended on it. But you know what I mean. Things are scattered all over the place: hard copies of critiqued stories of mine; a new toilet seat for my toilet but I can’t get the old one off; my whole tool kit out on the coffee table and I’m trying…[Read more]

  • Joanna commented on the post, controller 8 months, 3 weeks ago

    I have lived al these years and don’t know what a controller is. I mean I know many people who are controllers. Most of the people in my immediate family are controllers. Of course, being controllers, they accuse me of being a controller. Believe me, I am not. I’m mild-mannered, I let everyone I know do whatever they want without saying one…[Read more]

  • Joanna commented on the post, stats 8 months, 3 weeks ago

    I’ve taken 10 or more statistic courses in my career and what I’ve retained is the difference between mean, median, and mode. Also, the normal curve is engraved permanently in my brain. Did you know that honesty is distributed along the normal curve? About 2 percent of us are compulsively honest all the time. I had an exchange student who was like…[Read more]

  • Joanna commented on the post, rug 8 months, 4 weeks ago

    Oh God, vacuuming! House cleaning! Washing windows! Emptying the canister! It’s all I do these days. Volcanic ash and microscopic particles of volcanic glass come in through my windows and doors from the Big Island on the trade winds. If I clean a surface, like the bathroom floor, then go into the kitchen to make coffee, when I return black bits…[Read more]

  • Joanna commented on the post, swaying 9 months ago

    Swaying palms, the image of Hawaii. Wahine in hula skirts swaying to ukulele music under those palms. Oh, did I mention the traffic? Hours of it. Did I mention the over-development with no compensatory increase in infrastructure? Identical dull-painted houses crammed close together, shades of gray, and much smaller apartments with tiny kitchens…[Read more]

  • Joanna commented on the post, transformed 9 months ago

    The doctor explained the details (how much pain, chance of success, things that could go wrong) of the operations. The mother shifted in her chair, looking alternately alarmed, resigned, or pissed off, but always looking in much more grievous pain than the worst pain the operation would bring. The daughter, aka the patient, wasn’t listening. Her…[Read more]

  • Joanna commented on the post, qualify 9 months, 1 week ago

    She wants to qualify everything she said in the faculty meeting. Like, after what she said to the Dean of Faculty, she should have qualified it by adding, “I didn’t mean you were unethical. Never in a million years. I just meant that some person–possibly a serial klller on Death Row–would have called you unethical. And I meant to qualify it by…[Read more]

  • Joanna commented on the post, weave 9 months, 2 weeks ago

    Penelope sat at the loom. She hated to weave but she hated the absence of Odysseus more. She couldn’t choose the colors: hours of indecision. Her hands, especially as the years passed, hardened with arthritis bumps. Weaving one inch of material meant hours of torment. She used hot poultices and icy water to reduce the pain. And then she went back…[Read more]

  • Joanna commented on the post, swift 9 months, 2 weeks ago

    Swifter than moonlight on a foggy night
    Swifter than sunlight when the clouds are nigh
    I left you once you said we’re not right
    I left you swifter than an eagle can fly.

  • Joanna commented on the post, ornament 9 months, 3 weeks ago

    The new woman in our social circle is an ornament unto herself. Her face is round and rosy, her hair is a blur of blonde, her body is long and lithe. She could be a runner, or swimmer, or a hiker of mountains. Mainly she stays quiet and laughs her quiet laugh and draws in the men, all of them. It’s like she’s still nineteen but she must be at…[Read more]

  • Joanna commented on the post, gingerbread 9 months, 3 weeks ago

    Gingerbread houses are a waste of good food. Putting world class wine into gravy is a waste of good wine. Not saying one word to me through dinner was a waste of a golden opportunity. I’m home now. I’m wasted.

  • Joanna commented on the post, banking 9 months, 4 weeks ago

    banking yet again. with the stock market descending so rapidly, the man contemplates robbing a bank. it won’t be the first time, but he has forgotten to see the new Robert Redford movie about an elderly man who kept robbing banks in the most nice, most civil, most heartwarming way. so he doesn’t know exactly how to do it. the last time he robbed a…[Read more]

  • Joanna commented on the post, banking 9 months, 4 weeks ago

    Why are you sending me to banking when I needed non-fatal auto accidents? Never mind. Banking, it is. I was banking, however, on auto accidents. Non-fatal, of course. Had it been a fatal accident, I wouldn’t be writing here. My family would have been calling undertakers and asking for the cheapest coffin possible. As it is, however, it’s my car…[Read more]

  • Joanna commented on the post, jazz 10 months ago

    All that jazz about jazz. I’ve been to jazz clubs. In my day, they were smoky. Crowded. Noisy with people talking despite the guys playing up on stage. I always hoped one of those guys would pick me up after the set was finished. They were mobbed by women after and I couldn’t join a mob. Or wouldn’t. I’m fonder of Golden Oldies and Soft Rock but…[Read more]