• Amanda commented on the post, witheld 1 year, 7 months ago

    i never wiitheld from you until now. my mouth was an open gate, letting all inside path through and spill over and out. but when you looked at me the way you just did, used the tone of voice you just did, i for the first time shut the gate. for my safety.

  • Amanda commented on the post, stylized 1 year, 8 months ago

    My ideal of life is one that is stylized. Aesthetics, photo-worthy moments. Not one of little unremarkable moments, but one that can be admired from afar.

  • Amanda commented on the post, welfare 1 year, 8 months ago

    They checked on the welfare of my child because they thought there was a threat to it. And they thought I was that threat. What could I have done to be considered a threat to my child? It wasn’t what I have done – it was merely my existence. My existence as a mentally ill woman.

  • Amanda commented on the post, haircut 1 year, 8 months ago

    i got a haircut because i felt it would cut away my past. i ate a large fastfood dinner and icecream while watching shitty tv because i believe this would be my last day being unhealthy to mark the transition of my life into something healthy, pure. i thought that my soul could be fixed with these materialistic, petty rituals.

  • Amanda commented on the post, relate 1 year, 9 months ago

    i relate to the rest of the world, and this is what makes up what i am. i am nothing by myself, no one. i am a human, a living human, a child of someone, and now a mother – all relations to others that define me. i am define by who and what i am not.

  • Amanda commented on the post, lack 1 year, 9 months ago

    I lack. I don’t have, own, accomplish. My self identified by everything that I lack. I will never be anything more than my limits.

  • Amanda commented on the post, daisies 1 year, 10 months ago

    i was daises and sugar to everyone but inside i was acid burning burning

  • Amanda commented on the post, coated 1 year, 10 months ago

    sugar-coated laughs echoed throughout my ears and dripped into my head and into my mouth. i tasted you.

  • Amanda commented on the post, traditional 1 year, 10 months ago

    I wore a traditional white wedding gown the day I destroyed my life. I had my hair up. I smiled. I drank wine, ate good food. Danced. All while forever committing myself to life of misery.

  • Amanda commented on the post, deserve 1 year, 10 months ago

    i deserve nothing. i was born out of a series of chances, there is no place carved out for me on this world. i could cease to exist and the world would not blink. as a result, i cannot believe that anything is inherently mine to take.

  • Amanda commented on the post, camp 1 year, 10 months ago

    we met at camp like all those young adult novels and movies had told me we would. where our story differs from these, i did not predict. i would not predict the screaming and bruised marks and tears. i thought we would have the fairy-tale cheery sunny ending.

  • Amanda commented on the post, everything 1 year, 10 months ago

    you are everything. movement, breath, time does not exist independent of you. we are indistinguishable from each other. yet, you are unaware of my existence. please, all i’m asking is to destroy me, like amputating a suffering, rotting limb.

  • Amanda commented on the post, graced 4 years, 9 months ago

    You think that you graced me with your presence. You think that I’m privileged to be receptor of your words. Well, you’re wrong. You have wasted my time with your worthless, baseless speech.

  • Amanda commented on the post, instill 5 years ago

    When a person speaks, they are trying to instill their thoughts and ideas into another person. There is no such thing as the objective spreading of information. Each retelling is stilted and shaded by the teller’s view of the world.

  • Amanda commented on the post, bonfire 5 years ago

    We all sat, with drinks in our hands or on the ground, plates of food in our laps, around the bonfire, gazing into the seemingly alive, dancing, fire.

  • Amanda commented on the post, educated 5 years, 1 month ago

    My family always felt alienated from me. None of them made it past high school, many of them even dropped out of high school. I was the only educated one. I was the only one who had a master’s degree and eventually PhD under her belt. They felt threatened by this, like I was trying to prove their inferiority by pursuing something further.

  • Amanda commented on the post, reminded 5 years, 1 month ago

    Every time it rains I am reminded of the day you kissed me. We were stuck sitting outside, under the cover of the platform that jutted out high up on the building, stuck here due to having to work late shift, and you just reached in, no words, and kissed me hard and long, my arms stretching around your neck and my fingers intertwining in your hair.

  • Amanda commented on the post, analytical 5 years, 2 months ago

    My perception of the world was constantly analytical. I looked at everything, look at its’ parts, and how they worked and fit together with everything else. My brain was a constant flow of logic and thinking.

  • Amanda commented on the post, overt 5 years, 2 months ago

    He tried everything he could to make his hatred for her very overt and obvious. Despite his attempts, she was dumb struck with love for him, and thought he reciprocated her feelings. She was anticipating a wedding soon. Eventually, he left to another country without notice, leaving no trail behind, and she got the message.

  • Amanda commented on the post, heightened 5 years, 3 months ago

    I had a heightened sense of awareness. Every detail is my surrounding aware was processed in my mind. I responded to every slight shift in the environment. I was intuned to the universe.