• Danielle1 commented on the post, conflict 1 year, 1 month ago

    I wouldn’t go back, but it hirts to move forward. I think back to that time. There wasn’t any harm meant There was nothing but hope, there was longing. It felt like a page had turned. Life seemed exciting with my future boyfriend, future husband, soon-to-be-ex husband. I look at things now and wonder how we erred against those younger versions of…[Read more]

  • Danielle1 commented on the post, conflict 1 year, 1 month ago

    I never went on a holiday before. I never really knew what it was like to feel warm in the winter. It was so hot, in fact, it was hard to wear a full outfit. Just a dress and slip-on shoes. I couldn’t imagine living life as the people who lived here live life: getting up, going to work, shadeless streets by 8 in the morning. Another thing I…[Read more]

  • Danielle1 commented on the post, lighters 1 year, 2 months ago

    There’s been a shadow on my life for a long time. I have forgotten the joy of the mind.Instead, I push against resistance in the exterior world, a world where I feel too heavy, like gravity is different here.

  • Danielle1 commented on the post, hospital 1 year, 2 months ago

    so this is how i die. i know how,
    i choose it, every day – my world
    is a hospital
    waiting to happen
    bloated belly, dead veins
    organs abandoning the ship after years of
    loyal service. no more.
    the sharpest horizons shrink dull, like a butterknife edge
    the brightest colours have a web of grey overlaid
    like a veil of mourning dipping over…[Read more]

  • Danielle1 commented on the post, wheels 1 year, 9 months ago

    I read about dead girls, the way old starlets died. I do this to quell this anxiety that creeps in every day that I am mandated to leave the house. It may or may not help. I worry about my home when I am not in it…that an electrical outlet will burst into flame, or that I forgot to turn the stove top coffee pot off.

  • Danielle1 commented on the post, rival 1 year, 10 months ago

    The little weeds and unidentifiable lacy things that curl from the ground are the rivals. The plants you put in with your own hands, the things you paid for, are the ones you want to win. You want the tomatoes to grow, you want your flowers to not just bloom but take over. If you had your way the horizon would be blotted out with tall spikes of…[Read more]

  • Danielle1 commented on the post, orb 1 year, 10 months ago

    The missing eye made me realize how beautiful eyes are.

  • Danielle1 commented on the post, orb 1 year, 10 months ago

    Life isn’t something to just choke down and get through.

  • Danielle1 commented on the post, empty 1 year, 11 months ago

    I wrote something on my hand to remember. That is the extent of my writing these days. It hurts to even press a pen to paper. It hurts to be alone with my thoughts, and the wild spiralling they take. I see things now that remind me of what could have been. Children, animals, gardens. There is no one to tell. I can’t tell him. We are sentenced to…[Read more]

  • Danielle1 commented on the post, parents 1 year, 12 months ago

    You can’t blame your parents, the logical side of your brain says, but then you go ahead and do. If we could not target our parents for their shortcomings, their lapses, the 1,000,000 ways they fail then we would spend our whole lives searching for just such a perfect enemy.

  • Danielle1 commented on the post, circular 2 years ago

    Even the songs of birds hurts. They are so innocent, they reach so high with their voices. It is a circular damage that occurs when you run from even the good feelings. When you hide your ears to the pure things. Goodness throws dirt into relief.

  • Danielle1 commented on the post, butterfly 2 years ago

    Used as an example of beauty and fragility, one quality enhancing the other.

  • Danielle1 commented on the post, essence 2 years ago

    Going through the motions of the day can begin to feel like the reward in itself. I didn’t fuck up too badly, I helped a few, I diverted my mind in ways already forgotten, I managed to put in my time and now here is the bed again.
    But just putting in the hours means you lose sight of the essence. What was accomplished? What will you look back…[Read more]

  • Danielle1 commented on the post, religious 2 years ago

    I am sick to death of liquor stores. That is what i think when I am surrounded by the familiar glinting bottles, reaching for a full version of one of the many dead soldiers rinsed and bagged under my sink. It is like Groundhog Day, reaching for this bottle of nothing, I have bought this exact same bottle before. This reaching goes back, back,…[Read more]

  • Danielle1 commented on the post, nonfiction 2 years ago

    I grew up poor and I hate charity. When the Christmas hamper arrived, delivered by the mother of a bully classmate, I was so ashamed. Because I was made to feel ashamed, I was also furious.

    They came to the door of our house; they could see inside the residence that I kept so hidden from my classmates, even getting off the school bus blocks…[Read more]

  • Danielle1 commented on the post, nonfiction 2 years ago

    Artfully arranged lies; at best, wishful thinking.

  • Danielle1 commented on the post, influence 2 years, 1 month ago

    Ants live in my bathroom. I don’t understand why, or where they are coming from. The bathroom is a far cry from nature. It is tiled all across the floors and up the walls, a brittle landscape compared to the twiggish and dirty environs I think ants should prefer. The bathroom ants are not like ants in nature. I see them alone, never following each…[Read more]

  • Danielle1 commented on the post, cheated 2 years, 1 month ago

    I see cleaners wherever I go. They are meant to be unobtrusive, part of the background, despite their bright yellow cleaning carts, the glossy black trashbags piled high in trolleys. I used to be a cleaner, now I don;t make my living that way. But I still remember the shifts of service elevators and being a shadow in a scrub uniform, seen but…[Read more]

  • Danielle1 commented on the post, cheated 2 years, 1 month ago

    It seems stupid and sad but I’m jealous of my boyfriend’s daughter. I know she’s going to grow up to be a lovely woman. She dances, plays music, studies hard. She already knows how to be beautiful. I think of being 15, living like trash, and no idea how to be a real person. I still feel this anxiety, and I have few talents or skills. I don’t feel…[Read more]

  • Danielle1 commented on the post, cheated 2 years, 1 month ago

    You are beautiful. You smell like plastic. I could watch you forever.