• cmsiena commented on the post, integrated 4 years, 9 months ago

    Somewhere in all this, my brain and my heart have become an integrated thing, a monster with scaly hands and reaching arms, calculating the fastest way to catch its prey and drink the blood. I am older and wiser and put together, and that is when I transformed into someone lost.

  • cmsiena commented on the post, alarming 6 years, 4 months ago

    So I am usually able to so gracefully cover up these alarming scars and hurts with my own chainlink fence, my own barbed wire and sharpened tongue. Quick to strike and dart away, like the hornet. Then I hedgehog sleep, curled around in my own insecurities, reluctant to break that hold. But when I wake, my heart is shredded and flaps like rags in…[Read more]

  • cmsiena commented on the post, delve 6 years, 4 months ago

    So I delve into the box, picking up fragments of all the lives that could have been. A card with a heart-turned-mouse sketch, a patch of a flannel red blanket, the broken frame of a pair of dark black glasses, a wine cork, a number on a receipt, and the string off a sweatshirt five sizes too big that I still borrowed. At the bottom, a pair of…[Read more]

  • cmsiena commented on the post, airstream 6 years, 5 months ago

    I love that you are human, with your beautiful veins and twitches and sighs. That we share the same airstream, that the ins and outs of your flaws fit like jigsaw pieces against mine. I love the way this is effortless, and even my exasperations vanish in the wake of your wholeness.

  • cmsiena commented on the post, taboo 6 years, 5 months ago

    These are the days when sunlight hits everything and bathes it in blue and green and yellow, and the daffodils bob. The boys are shouting and the girls are laughing. Hands are held on screened in porches, on hanging swings, on patios by grills as the burgers sizzle. The sunglasses come out to shade the windows to the soul and it is summer, so to…[Read more]

  • cmsiena commented on the post, soap 6 years, 5 months ago

    I am so lost in my heartache that I forget I am standing at the sink, wringing my hands full of soap over and over while the water runs. Gritting my teeth, I stare at my eyes. Deep down into the dark narrow pupils, I still see the glimmer of your reflection. Other women come and go without a word. They know this need to wash every hint of…[Read more]

  • cmsiena commented on the post, clasp 6 years, 5 months ago

    It is like the dawn in my heart, where the shadows still clasp in long reaches across a brambly stretch of wilderness. The sun is climbing slowly, a smile that warms all the dark places I tried so very hard to protect. All that sinew is filleted, thin and flaking. Falling apart at your touch, melting under your eyes.

  • cmsiena commented on the post, planter 6 years, 5 months ago

    I stood next to the planter, waiting for you to come to the door. My sunglasses are pink, they glisten and hide the way my eyes dart back in forth. I do not smile, I do not sigh, I simply stand like a statue. For each moment I wait, my doubt grows, creeping like vines up my legs and waist, clinching my arms to my side. I am always afraid you will…[Read more]

  • cmsiena commented on the post, checkmate 6 years, 5 months ago

    And there we stand, am I in checkmate? Where you are silent and I am stone, and just our hearts beat in time. Perhaps this feeling is not solely the right angles of these monochrome checkerboard squares, maybe there is a muddy ruddy gray that just blends all this confusion together. For we could stand, just lips apart, and I could wish you to read…[Read more]

  • cmsiena commented on the post, branch 6 years, 6 months ago

    I am holding out this olive branch, crying for you to ignore it completely and take my wrist instead. Begging for your hands to circle my waist, wishing for you to close the gap to breathe me in. The moment in the morning, when you wake, the way that earth and ice melt together with a flicker of sun. All in silence, with the words unspoken ringing…[Read more]

  • cmsiena commented on the post, smudge 6 years, 6 months ago

    You just have to trust me, that deep down in places where I do not show the light, I have a solid core that holds fast against these currents, tries so very hard to do what is best for you, for me, for the gaps inbetween that hang and smudge my eyeliner when I dare entertain the thought that I will never meet another person like you.

  • cmsiena commented on the post, plague 6 years, 6 months ago

    The dirt under the nails, the sweat trickling down the temple. In this, there is beauty. In this, there is love. Each movement an ode to something greater, each deep breath a second of something lovely bursting into existence. The need to make, to build, to hold, to cherish is the contagious, the plague of Spring.

  • cmsiena commented on the post, wheat 6 years, 6 months ago

    I dream big dreams, of wheat breads, cheesecakes, soup tureens, roasts and frosted cocktails. Of purple and pink hyacinths, of lemon roses and snowy carnations. Of paintings and photos and ceramics and jewelry. But instead I crunch numbers and spreadsheets and the magic of finances, and my dreams stay wrapped in the shadow.

  • cmsiena commented on the post, destined 6 years, 6 months ago

    I hear the whisper in the back of my head, the one that keeps mumbling and muttering, the low undertone to the screams and chaos and panic I always hear. While the others are clamoring “not good enough, not fit enough, not smooth enough, not even enough, not smart enough, not social enough. Not. Enough,” the littlest of voices hums to me: “Enough.…[Read more]

  • cmsiena commented on the post, listening 6 years, 6 months ago

    She puts her ear to the door, listening to the sound of the pencil scratching across paper. No matter what she says, he always insists on scrawling each draft in thick block letters. His left hand will be covered in graphite by the end, but it is this determination, this commitment to the work, that makes her fall in love with him again and again.

  • cmsiena commented on the post, boots 6 years, 6 months ago

    Her boots clicked across the floor, pacing back and forth as she argued. The words were clipped, more growls and sighs of exasperation than complete thoughts. He sat on the couch and sipped his beer, torn between trying to ease her anguish and trying to avoid her wrath.

  • cmsiena commented on the post, pained 6 years, 7 months ago

    The look on his face was pained, even though he was trying so hard to hide it. She was sitting there across from him, oblivious to how the words she said cut to the quick. Worst of all, she wasn’t even heartless. If she knew, she would keep those thoughts inside, deep below even the dreams, and never bleed him out again. In her own way, she loved…[Read more]

  • cmsiena commented on the post, truth 6 years, 7 months ago

    Truth is there the moment the room goes gray, the sun setting but not in a gold way. There’s a stillness and a tranquility that sits in the silence, but your heart is pounding and your ragged breath grates on your ears. Your eyes blur as you stare in the darkening shadow. The flame extinguishes before your eyes; the steady inhale and exhale…[Read more]

  • cmsiena commented on the post, covert 6 years, 7 months ago

    She sat in the bathtub, the water long since cold. Her body shivered but her mind was lost, digging through brambles and shadows of memory. Hunting for the elusive moment, when the sun was pouring through the open window in a patchwork quilt of light, the doves attempting to hide on the windowsill, and covert footsteps echoed up through the…[Read more]

  • cmsiena commented on the post, overt 6 years, 7 months ago

    The overt smile before the handshake hid the tightness of the grip, the moment of threat and intimidation. The clasp that whispered “Remember who holds the end of your leash. Remember whose favor you have to curry. Remember that I am not afraid to be ruthless.”