• catyeah posted an update in the group Group logo of Image Notebook Image Notebook 5 years, 8 months ago

    I love the extra five seconds he gave me.
    “I wish I could,” he had said.
    “Oh well,” I had responded, “next time.”
    And as I walked back to Elle’s car, I turned around and saw him watching me, looked dejected and sorry and sad. His skinny shoulders slightly stooped, his eyebrows creased with both worry and confusion, like he was trying to look for a way to stay, and while he could see it, he was afraid to do it. He was afraid to tell Shelby that he couldn’t drive her home, that she should go with Elle. He was reluctant to see the look on her face when he chose me over her. He was frustrated with himself for not choosing that path. He didn’t want to leave, but he knew he was going to. It was then that I first thought that I might have actual feelings for him, feelings besides, and above, those of just a friend. And yet they had come from not even an action, not a word, just a look, one that I could have easily imagined. One that my head and my heart pined after, so much that they could create it themselves.
    I love the extra five seconds he gave me. The five seconds it took me to walk to the car. The five seconds he spent just looking.
    One look. That’s all it takes. But why?
    Was it his blue-green eyes that reminded me of my dad? My dad, who would never admit defeat. Who loved so deeply, but wouldn’t let himself lose. My dad who loved only because he felt like he had to prove something. My dad who was eternally optimistic.
    It was. It was his eyes. It is his eyes. It’s the way he looks, the way that only I see, because it is meant for only me. His look is like that. It is unique to the person, and it speaks more words than he’s ever said. He looks and you are understood. Forgive. Interesting. Profound. You are the only person he’s ever seen, the only person he’d ever want to look at.
    I love the extra five seconds he gave me.
    I love how freely he gave them. I love him looking at me, regardless of how or when or why.
    I love the extra five seconds he gave me.
    Just as everyone else must love the extra five seconds he might give them.
    In those five seconds, I saw longing, and promise, and I wanted them to be real. I want them to be real.