• rachel. commented on the post, pleading 5 years ago

    picture it:

    an orphan boy, sitting
    on the concrete, cool autumn air
    hitting his face.

    his hands out, grubby,
    pudgy things, sticky and sweet
    from plundered garbage,

    begging for spare
    change, do you have
    any spare change, sir?

    that orphan boy is residing between my lungs.

    pleading, pleading for someone
    to grab one of those…[Read more]

  • rachel. commented on the post, mechanism 5 years, 8 months ago

    sometimes i try to figure out
    what my mechanism is.

    do you hear the rattling?
    the clunking?
    the metal scraping on bone?

    most of the time, i realize
    my mechanism is pretty fucked.

  • rachel. commented on the post, dissolve 6 years, 3 months ago

    i feel my brain dissolving.

    a gentle fizz at first,
    a persistent throbbing as it
    splinters into
    my organs beginning to fail
    while my thoughts
    trail into a never-ending plea.

    whywhywhywhywhywhy?

  • rachel. commented on the post, think 6 years, 6 months ago

    i wonder what the sun
    thinks about the clouds.

    they share the same sky,
    yet some days
    the clouds invade its technocolor
    blue, leaving the sun
    to shimmer weakly.

    other days, the clouds
    are driven into hiding, allowing
    the sun to proclaim it’s beauty.

    however, sometimes i think
    maybe the sun
    just wants some friends.

  • rachel. commented on the post, systems 6 years, 6 months ago

    my system is so fucked.
    i don’t know how to un-fuck it.
    i want my system to be normal.
    instead it is full of cracks
    and holes
    and scotch tape.

    scotch tape doesn’t hold for very long.

    i’m waiting for my system to explode
    and myself right alongside it.

  • rachel. commented on the post, visitor 6 years, 6 months ago

    knock knock,
    the visitor is here.

    she comes around every
    couple of days
    hoursminutes
    seconds, when she’s persistent.

    the visitor isn’t someone i particularly care for.

    she steals away
    all of the life from my
    home, she takes
    all of my food from the pantry.
    she’ll take me
    out to the gym, but
    she never lets me leave.

    i wish…[Read more]

  • rachel. commented on the post, end 6 years, 7 months ago

    “this is the end of my rope.”

    you say it with shaking hands,
    shaking body,
    tremors
    dancing in your voice.

    i glance at you.
    back to the floor.
    my lines are next:

    “this is the end
    of everything.”

  • rachel. commented on the post, season 6 years, 8 months ago

    in alabama, there aren’t four Seasons, but two. sometimes we get three, but most of the time, we have
    1. Blistering Hot
    and
    2. Just Cold Enough to Freeze Your Nipples but Not Get Snow
    i like the second-long in-betweens, myself. those mini-seasons when you lay in the grass, drive around with the windows down, walk everywhere you possibly can…[Read more]

  • rachel. commented on the post, patient 6 years, 8 months ago

    she laid there with a pensive look on her face.

    “i am dying.”

    white lab coats looked at her with sadness, with horror, with pity, with regret.

    the shock of red cascading from her wrists made her hair look dull and lifeless.

    a voice came from the doctor to the right of her head.

    “yes, my child, you are.”

  • rachel. commented on the post, methods 6 years, 8 months ago

    there are so many methods i think about;
    picture myself
    committing them.

    cutting is messy,
    drowning, nearly
    impossible.
    hanging is too
    archaic, and crashing my car
    would cost so much money.

    but i have three half-full bottles of
    klonopin,
    a few neurontin
    and effexor
    pills, and running water.

  • rachel. commented on the post, mass 6 years, 10 months ago

    mass is a tricky word for me.
    i suppose i hate my mass, not my weight,
    because my weight would change
    on every different planet.

    but my mass, it would always stay the same:
    a number never wavering,
    a […]

  • rachel. commented on the post, suspects 7 years, 1 month ago

    there were many suspects of the crime.

    who was the cause?
    who was the purpose?
    who made this
    poor girl
    lose her mind?

    the suspect was never her,
    never her.

    but she was the criminal.

  • rachel. commented on the post, railroad 7 years, 1 month ago

    there are railroad tracks behind my house, abandoned now as my hometown dwindled smaller and smaller. i used to explore the trains back when they were in use. sometimes the cabs would stay there for days, enough […]

  • rachel. commented on the post, motion 7 years, 1 month ago

    the earth is in motion,
    spinning around
    itself, all while
    traveling along it’s track
    in the Milky Way.

    humans could compare themselves
    to the earth,
    i guess.

    circling around themselves,
    all while […]

  • rachel. commented on the post, chills 7 years, 1 month ago

    i get chills every time you
    throw your gaze
    to mine. every time
    your skin barely
    brushes against my skin:

    i am on fire,
    yet the chill bumps
    decorating my skin tell
    another story.

  • rachel. commented on the post, soups 7 years, 2 months ago

    i like soups. though sometimes, they trigger me.
    see, when i didn’t truly eat, i ingested soups. they were low calorie, and made my stomach believe everything was normal.
    nothing was normal.
    so now, even though […]

  • rachel. commented on the post, dwell 7 years, 2 months ago

    i dwell in the state of my
    family, the state that is
    the poster child of
    racism
    sexism
    homophobia
    hatred.

    but it is also the state of
    family
    friendship
    late summer nights spent looking at the […]

  • rachel. commented on the post, grind 7 years, 2 months ago

    you know what really grinds my gears?

    myself. or more accurately,
    this littlefatgirl who has taken over my subconscious,
    forever reminding me what i
    can never return to.

    she doesn’t want me to be like […]

  • rachel. commented on the post, treaty 7 years, 2 months ago

    i tried to sign a treaty, months ago. this treaty said, quite plainly, “ms. davis, you will leave this poor boy alone! he doesn’t want you!

    forget this.”

    i lasted two and a half months.

    now, here i am, […]

  • rachel. commented on the post, heartache 7 years, 4 months ago

    oh, what a familiar word,
    cliched but
    so so true.

    for me, it starts as a
    hurricane battering away at your sternum,
    eyes burning and throat
    constantly tight.

    it continues, like watercolors
    it bleeds […]