• caitlinmonster commented on the post, globe 4 years, 3 months ago

    tracing my fingers along the globe of your back, its spiny mountain ranges and the softness of the ocean between your shoulder blades – you have always been the whole world to me, mapped with little veins like roads pointing me home, steering my ship back to the center of you

  • Pressing books to my chest in a rented apartment, pressing impermanence against my skin and hoping this time something (at least) will stick. We are making a home out of a borrowed collection of walls, promising ourselves forever, or for a while.

  • wintertime like mint snowflakes crystallizing on my tongue, and all I am is the lack of you. this week I will find myself in the same places I held your mitten-fingers last year, and I will feel the wind sharper than I did then.

  • caitlinmonster commented on the post, sweep 4 years, 7 months ago

    winter is time for sweeping
    here in Texas, where leaves fall
    but snow doesn’t. and we’re left sweeping
    old memories into tin cans
    and placing them on our bedside tables
    and saving them for spring again

    the cold fronts are sweeping in
    and we are collecting ourselves into dust pans
    I am emptying myself into the waste basket
    and trying to…[Read more]

  • I wanna tailgate you. I never really learned what tailgate meant, because I’m not into football. But it sounds like hanging on to the back of you, probably while you’re speeding forward and I’m along for the ride. And the view doesn’t suck, either. I just wanna grab hold of you and let you do your thing, and I’ll just let the breeze blow through…[Read more]

  • in pursuit of something less
    heart-rip or drenched and panting
    in pursuit of stopping, of breathing slow
    and waiting
    in pursuit of something more
    gentle or breeze-kissed
    in pursuit of stopping, of breathing slow
    in pursuit of waiting
    but all I keep doing is running
    and hoping for a break soon

  • caitlinmonster commented on the post, worn 4 years, 7 months ago

    worn like sweater-holes, like your thumbs
    pressing through my skin and me
    wrapping around your hands

    worn like foot soles, like miles
    of asphalt without flowers peeking
    through the cracks

    worn like forgetting you, and then
    it’s years later and I’ve worn so many other
    people’s sweaters, and I’m

    just worn out

  • nobody filled up my skin the way you did
    with something empty but breathable
    so I felt like I could float
    (for the first time, really)
    until you left and left nothing inside me
    and my skin wrapped around me again, unceremonious
    and I was nobody like I was before you showed up

  • caitlinmonster commented on the post, lofty 4 years, 8 months ago

    perching, I wish, on lofty wisps
    of cloud fluff, miles above
    this skin, this itch and scratch
    I wish I were bird-high and coasting
    or climbing, or anything
    away from here

  • everyone misspells my name
    but no one did it better than you, back then
    shuffling letters in any order, arbitrarily
    changing them day by day
    however looked prettiest

    I guess you thought what I was given at birth
    wasn’t enough, didn’t suit you
    so you tried to rearrange me
    to look more like
    whatever you wanted
    me to look like

  • is it possible that we have forgotten everything
    that in loving you i have shrugged off my own skin
    my own scars and bruises, and
    you have stepped out of your old clothes
    is it possible that we have written our tomorrows today
    and my possible is now possible with you

  • caitlinmonster commented on the post, sterile 5 years ago

    it would have been easier sterile
    cleaner tools and bright blades cutting
    it out of me, that black mud
    that hate, that cry
    that tearing apart of us would have been
    easier if we had made it sterile

  • The rocker pushed and pulled as I breathed thick summer air and sipped hot lemonade. This was Texas at its best, wrapped in a screen porch and sweating, happy to scramble under the southern sun like an egg in a pan. Homemade ice cream waited behind the freezer door. Our horses tore grass from the field. This is what we bargained for. We came out…[Read more]

  • She was a taboo like a scorch in the throat. A word you shouldn’t say. The taste of her sweat when she arches, like the songs your parents told you not to hear. She walked all lace and spiked heels and she loved you like you never wanted. Like you always needed. She was the taboo you were never supposed to crave.

  • We sat sipping slow drinks with hot curls of steam rising from our mugs. There were things you wouldn’t say. There were words behind my mouth. We sat there as if we were conversing, as if the coffee could bring us closer. We sat there, staring at each other, waiting to muster the courage to be candid. We sat there as if we loved one another still.…[Read more]

  • caitlinmonster commented on the post, mumbling 6 years ago

    how do you walk
    how do you move your feet
    when the voices mumble
    the ground beneath you gurgles
    you have nowhere solid to step

    how do you try
    when the sludge sloshes at your ankles
    and your head is ablaze with worry
    and nothing sticks
    and nothing fades

  • caitlinmonster commented on the post, leverage 6 years ago

    I suppose you were always leverage. Something from which I could spring to the next level. A tool. I was always unfair, we were always unfair. You were always used up. I sucked you down and moved on. This was never what we wanted it to be. You were the next step on the staircase, and I climbed you with muddy shoes. I should have walked softer. I…[Read more]

  • caitlinmonster commented on the post, baby 6 years, 2 months ago

    I should stop writing drunk, baby. I should give you what you deserve. Come over here, baby, let me breathe you in and let me drink you. Baby, you are everything I’ve never asked for, and I want you, baby. You get me drunk, honey, sweetheart, and I want you. I should stop drinking you so hard and I should write sober. But you just fill me up,…[Read more]

  • I wish I were
    higher
    on some celestial plane or
    a platform somewhere between
    clouds and blue

    sky, I wish I were
    higher

    I wish I could reach
    tree tops, skyscrapers
    I wish I could float beyond
    this mire and roil
    I wish I could scream

    louder, I wish I were
    higher

  • caitlinmonster commented on the post, both 6 years, 4 months ago

    both toxic and radioactive you are
    cleansing in your destruction
    break me down
    at the molecular level, rebuild
    me into something chrome
    solid and white hot
    something cruel
    and beautiful