• beowulf commented on the post, president 7 years, 6 months ago

    I’m an ultra-Liberal, Obama-loving Democrat. Those words would make people hate me. It’s a shame we don’t have a country in which everyone feels free to express him or herself. I just realized that I didn’t use the word “president” in my writing!

  • beowulf commented on the post, scout 7 years, 8 months ago

    We set up camp and began our surveillance. I sent Detective Lobster to scout around for a better vantage point. Detective Lobster was having a difficult time, being out of the ocean on land duty, but he was able to find the bad guy and gurgle, “Confess! Confess!” Instead of handcuffs, he used his claws. […]

  • beowulf commented on the post, prosperous 7 years, 8 months ago

    Being prosperous and having a midlife crisis seems contradictory. I was a theater major, got scared because I’m not a self-promoter, and switched to teaching, which I hate. Needless to say, I’m exceedingly jealous of my favorite actors who are in my age range. They’re prosperous in terms of material wealth, but also in terms […]

  • beowulf commented on the post, pouch 7 years, 9 months ago

    The Joey felt he was old enough to get out of the stupid, slimy, “overly motherly” pouch. He was a big boy already! He jumped out and hopped away from his mom. Feeling a little overwhelmed with his new-found independence, he hopped back to his mom, gave her a kiss, and let himself be taken […]

  • beowulf commented on the post, gasoline 8 years, 2 months ago

    Gasoline. The word makes it sound so inviting. Try gasoline to get lean! A new diet. No, the word belies the expense!

  • beowulf commented on the post, wanted 8 years, 3 months ago

    He was a wanted man; wanted by the police and wanted by two ex-wives. The police caught up with him, finally, and made him pay both wives everything he promised. Sometimes being wanted by someone isn’t a good thing. He’s now wanted in his jail cell because it’s bed time.

  • beowulf commented on the post, invent 8 years, 4 months ago

    Bach wrote inventions, but he didn’t invent anything. His “inventions” were works of art, not science.

  • beowulf commented on the post, sports 8 years, 5 months ago

    I hate sports. I’ve always hated sports. I was a gym nerd. You don’t see sports suffering during budget cuts, do you? No. Of course not. Just once, just once I’d like to see the entire country’s population sit, glued to their TVs, watching an opera!

  • beowulf commented on the post, drain 8 years, 5 months ago

    The bath tub used to give me a feeling of serenity. I’d listen to my ocean sounds CD and float in the water. Since I gained weight, however, I feel hopelessly stuck to the bottom of the tub once the water drains.

  • beowulf commented on the post, edition 8 years, 5 months ago

    This edition of the newspaper is good. I enjoy reading it. All the articles are good. I’m a dinosaur, enjoying my paper with my hot chocolate, my old cell phone, by big TV, my large desktop computer. This edition of the newspaper is like a pair of old, comfortable shoes that no one wants to […]

  • beowulf commented on the post, wake 8 years, 5 months ago

    Wake up! Wake up, I said. It’s time for the wake. You don’t want to miss the wake. We were in a canoe and we felt the waves from the passing speed boat hit us. We turned sideways and rocked gently, while we were on our way to the island that held the coffin with […]

  • beowulf commented on the post, boa 8 years, 6 months ago

    Whoa! Look at that boa! I must wear it, I thought. I’m so theatrical and I love to “wear” it. I’m putting on my boa now. Oh how lovely I look. What? What’s going on? It’s a boa constrictor! Leehhaaagh! Here! Here! Take a cookie!

    The snake ate the cookie and we both had tea.

  • beowulf commented on the post, science 8 years, 7 months ago

    Whenever my friends and I would play Trivial Pursuit and land on the Science category, we’d shout, “Sinus! Sinus! Sinussinsus Sinus!” That’s why every time I hear the word “science,” I feel like blowing my nose.