• Steel plates shaped neatly around the every
    softness of our bodies, and this is
    how we do this.

    This is how we do this, ossified
    into structures too uncanny
    even for the humanities.

  • absolutelynthng commented on the post, cello 3 weeks, 3 days ago

    It’s my birthday and I wrote a whole long entry but it all got erased and I am far too lazy to re-write it. Basically–I have such kind and tender friends and I love them and they love me and that is so wonderful. And also, I spent the day doing homework and reading and it was peaceful–I’m reading Elizabeth Bishop’s letters and they are getting…[Read more]

  • absolutelynthng commented on the post, swaying 1 month ago

    We look at ourselves in the mirror, our hands clasped tight, naked and swaying to Frankie Valli. We laugh and the sound scares the cat. We hug and the air almost lets us touch one another but then I’m twirling you out again, drawing you back. I watch you mouth the words until, again, you find my ear. The soft ‘it’s just to good to be’s’ before you…[Read more]

  • absolutelynthng commented on the post, muddy 1 month ago

    Everything seems so muddy now. I remember when it used to be clear, used to make sense, used to be so immediate that you always knew to run. And we (I) love a good dichotomy, love the smooth edges and the way they don’t catch going down your throat.

    But this other stuff–the nuance, it just tastes like too much effort. Tastes like a mud pie…[Read more]

  • absolutelynthng commented on the post, weave 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    Can I weave myself into you before you even notice? Can I burrow into the spaces between everything you think about until you think of me too? I called it weaving and it’s a great metaphor, sure, but that makes it sound so intentional. Makes it sounds like we weren’t already cut from the same cloth anyway, like this isn’t just perfecting the…[Read more]

  • absolutelynthng commented on the post, latch 1 month, 2 weeks ago

    We latched on to it–the idea that we were never meant to be here. Drove ourselves out of the crowd, out of the studio; we knew this was the only way to live now.

    I looked over at Luce–hands on the wheel, half of her face in shadow, the other half, not my half, shining from the streetlights. She reached over me, pulling wet wipes from the…[Read more]

  • His chest was heaving hard and I was so scared, I didn’t know what to do. Mom was supposed to be home by now. But she wasn’t. Where was she?

    Looking through the bars of the staircase, I could see the living room in full view: a circle of broken ornaments with my father at the center–talking to himself, sipping from his whiskey glass. Roxy…[Read more]

  • She bent down and picked up the hood ornament. It was bent beyond repair. Hopeless. Just like the rest of the shit he left her. Just like her life: broken off, laying in a pile of pavement bits, frost heaved and hazardous.

    She chucked it into the trees and heard it smack against a rock. After a few seconds, though, she felt so bad, she went…[Read more]

  • Streaks of gray peppered her hair. No, shooting stars–Elizabeth Bishop and Lota and The Shampoo and the tenderness of your fingers in someone’s soapy hair, like a child, almost. Different, though. The tenderness of graying hair, the tenderness of aging lovers. Sometimes I don’t know why people are so afraid of their aging. I think, maybe, I’m…[Read more]

  • Neal was banking on her finding him irresistible, but as soon as the waiter left, he could tell she was already bored with him. He couldn’t remember the last time he actually had to try. It was making him sweat. He kept picking up his glass of water, putting it down, picking it up. He almost knocked over her glass when he was going on about his…[Read more]

  • absolutelynthng commented on the post, harm 2 months ago

    Sam’s hands had harmed so many people, too many. She thought about it when she drank her coffee in the morning, when she turned the key of her car. She tried to say all their names before she could see the bottom of the mug, before the windshield defrosted.

    But they told her she couldn’t do that anymore. They told her to not let the past pull…[Read more]

  • absolutelynthng commented on the post, harm 2 months ago

    There are so many ways to harm. To move is to harm the molecules in the air, even. I don’t know. You can harm by not doing anything at all, the harm of inaction. Is there a way to exist without harming yourself or others? Could we trace all the harm back and back and back until we think we know how to avoid it?

    I don’t know, but hey–let’s…[Read more]

  • absolutelynthng commented on the post, harm 2 months ago

    You didn’t want to harm him. Everyone thinks you did, though. But really, it was an accident. Really, it happened too fast. You arm came up swinging, straight for his nose. And, in a way, you really meant to harm all of them–for laughing, for rubbing your face into the mud. But the fist hit him, Billy. But also, in a way, you only meant to harm…[Read more]

  • absolutelynthng commented on the post, jazz 2 months ago

    I wasn’t jazzed about it–my dad dragging me to this Grateful Dead cover band–but I guess they’re okay. Even better, though, the women in their tie dye dresses, waving their arms around in slow motion. I filmed it. Put it on Snapchat. Then dad saw and told me to cut it out. I told him to chill out, go smoke some more of that weed I saw him stuff…[Read more]

  • absolutelynthng commented on the post, other 2 months ago

    He wanted the other one, but he didn’t say anything. He knew she would expect him to say something and there was no way he was going to let her have the satisfaction. So he ate it: taking huge bites to get it over with but gagging halfway through. Subtle, though–disguising the noise, the jerk of his head, as a cough.

    “Beau, you okay? You need…[Read more]

  • He said to think of ourselves as builders. layering bricks, foraging for twigs. magpies hoarding pieces of humanity.

  • I wonder if they can tell that we’re related? Can they see how our eyes are nearly the same tint of green? Hair, vastly different but still. The upturned nose, slight, but there? The familiarity of our communication, seamless and unspoken? Wonder if there isn’t some kid–that introverted one in the corner–was he studying us? Tracing the…[Read more]

  • “… It’s…. semi-related? Maybe?”
    “Okay, so, let me get this straight. You’ve had this rash for… how long? Four months now? And you just now thought it might be related?”
    “Well… I don’t know, sometimes I just get itchy for awhile but then it goes away, so I just thought…”
    “Right. Well, Jimmy, I’m going to need you to lie back.”

    l o…[Read more]

  • How is this possibly related to anything that I need to know? Seriously. We sit here and speak words back and forth, back and forth and I do not understand the point / the point from A to B, she tries to draw it out for me, on the wipeboard, with everyone looking at me now. Their eyes, burning into me, until she starts drawing a something…[Read more]

  • absolutelynthng commented on the post, fun 2 months, 2 weeks ago

    Fun. Out-to-the-bars-fun. Eating the free peanuts, swaying to the band. Leaned against the counter, her mouth moving, fast and shifting / with the moment–fun. Her idea of fun. My idea of fun–we fuck in the bathroom, whisper each others names in pleasure. Vomit up / all our feelings into each other’s hands. Follow a theory to its end, cracking…[Read more]