Comments Posted By Ruben

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I need to disregard the opinions others have about me. As Rupaul says, “what other people think about me is NONE of my business!” Yet everyone’s voice echoes in my dreams as I try to justify my estrangement from my mother’s wicked being. I need the strength to feel I’m making the right decisions. But I’m not sure its inside me. If it is, I’ve been looking in the wrong crevasses.

» Posted By Ruben On 05.13.2012 @ 11:31 pm


I couldn’t carry him and his disorders with me. I had fought to make my way to New York all my life and now was the time to reap the rewards I’d waited for. I couldn’t care less that my heart screamed I was in love, I’d shut down many other screams in my head, what was one more?

» Posted By Ruben On 05.11.2012 @ 11:41 pm


It wasn’t enough to see me beg and cry. You needed me to crawl to the house we built together and bruise my knuckles on the door. You opened the door only to look down on the mess I’d become after leaving you for a younger version of you who did what you should have done all those years ago.

» Posted By Ruben On 05.11.2012 @ 3:26 am

Seeing your snot filled face only reassured me I’d made the right decision. In the six years we’ve been together, I had never seen you cry. But now that you feel I’ll never be yours again, you decide to pull this trump card. I wonder if the tears are even real or just another way to manipulate my emotions. The last trump card in your filthy sleeve.

» Posted By Ruben On 05.10.2012 @ 3:11 pm


I needed help getting rid of the belly fat keeping me from loving myself. Unfortunately, the world seems rather short handed when looking for inexpensive inspiration. I had to learn to build the body I could love, out of the swollen pieces I loathed.

» Posted By Ruben On 05.09.2012 @ 10:45 am

My hand writing is pretty good but I never did learn short hand. I hate typing, preferring a notebook to a Mac book. This in turn proves problematic when taking quick notes in class.

» Posted By Ruben On 05.09.2012 @ 12:38 am

Why is it that there isn’t enough of me to accomplish everything I need to do on any given day? I’d have one of me to spend at least six hours at the gym. One other me to work at least 8 hours a day, 6 days a week. Another me would spend his entire day writing, eating, drinking coffee and getting drunk. While the last me would spend his day reading and getting ahead in school.

» Posted By Ruben On 05.08.2012 @ 11:37 pm


It was key that I never let her know of my plan. Much as I loved her, the knowledge would only hinder our relationship and the possibility of using her as a vessel would be lost. I needed someone with a clear mind.

» Posted By Ruben On 05.06.2012 @ 10:02 pm


I can’t sit upright because my lower back kills me. An attempt to lunge or squat brings unimaginably mind numbing pain through my glutes down to my feet. I started the year with a broken wrist and now this? When am I going to catch a break?

» Posted By Ruben On 05.04.2012 @ 11:51 am


I didn’t know what else to say when my hands were covered in his entrails. It was too hard to explain how my clumsiness got me into this, but I had to get out. Even with my revoked detective badge, I had to carry SOME weight in this town right? No… “Ms. Darcy, you are under arrest!”

» Posted By Ruben On 04.30.2012 @ 2:02 am


I wasn’t desperate enough to sell my father’s jewels, but I was afraid it would soon come to that. I tried and tried to find another way out. Still it seemed that selling these heirlooms would be my salvation.

» Posted By Ruben On 04.28.2012 @ 9:32 pm


As I floated further from this plane of existence I noticed I felt nothing and wondered if I ever did. I wondered if the chemicals inside me ever reacted abruptly because I had a separate will or if some pre-existing rule had navigated there course causing me to feel the human experience.

» Posted By Ruben On 04.27.2012 @ 10:30 pm


It was then that I found her, all lights and dazzle.

» Posted By Ruben On 04.26.2012 @ 11:45 am


It was the drynesss of my lips that woke me up. I was dehydrated and I couldn’t figure out what would cause the moisture to abandon my body.

» Posted By Ruben On 04.25.2012 @ 10:24 am

I’ve never had the urge that others seem to surrender so willingly to. That cheap substance has never tempted me but on cold days and the desire is easily satisfied after minutes of use.

» Posted By Ruben On 04.25.2012 @ 1:35 am


I hated myself for allowing myself to lose the control I had fought so hard to attain. It was like this substance and the accompanying feeling were all it took to forget I loved myself. Or at least convinced my conscious that I did.

» Posted By Ruben On 04.24.2012 @ 10:33 am


He rapped sunglasses intact. What a way to make it clear there was a difference and divide between audience and artist. A black curtain that never let them any closer than the judgmental glare behind them allowed.

» Posted By Ruben On 04.18.2012 @ 10:05 pm

It takes a hard look to see beyond his sunglasses, but I know I got to him. He can’t hide his fury. This break up is hitting him and I like it. I like that I finally broke free. I like that I found the self respect he helped me forget about. But above all, I like that I finally hurt him.

» Posted By Ruben On 04.18.2012 @ 3:33 pm

It gives you swag this pair of shades. No longer self conscious as eyes you’ll evade. What a way to conceal the insecurities of a hangover.

» Posted By Ruben On 04.18.2012 @ 3:26 pm


What a loop it was to be on Katie’s drug. It was unlike anything my sixteen years of life had shown me. It was wet. And soft. And beautiful. It was momentary. But it would live in the recesses of my brain forever.

» Posted By Ruben On 04.17.2012 @ 9:31 pm

The pearls never stayed in place, no matter how much I tried to stay still in order to keep up the illusion of sophistication. It was evident I wasn’t part of this world by the way my necklace seemed to want to escape from me, forming a tangled mess on my chest.

» Posted By Ruben On 04.17.2012 @ 10:42 am

My earring fell but Alma dragged me away from it as the shadows were creeping closer and closer. There was no time to commiserate about the loss of light my heart experienced, only time to be thankful as I wasn’t dead.

» Posted By Ruben On 04.16.2012 @ 1:20 pm


It was impossible to see why he liked her. Why he couldn’t like me. My hands shook with jealousy the way bones rattle when its cold. I couldn’t contain myself, I’ve never felt so rejected, so I walked away tears streaming heavily.

» Posted By Ruben On 04.14.2012 @ 9:19 am

It was cold and I was hungry but I needed to land this guy’s wallet before I could taste a carb. I was determined to drug him. Maybe knock a couple drinks back. He looks like he can stand to lose a couple hundred dollars. That was quite a high class bar Leslie got us into, nice enough to land me a patron who owns a condo overlooking the hills.

» Posted By Ruben On 04.13.2012 @ 11:47 pm

I was raining and the bones I’d just injured found a way to let me know it was the end of the line. I couldn’t push harder, try as I would, to reach the destination. I was the first to fall only 12 miles from the finish line.

» Posted By Ruben On 04.13.2012 @ 12:15 pm


I was trying to breath energy into the soreness of my thighs. But try as I would to blank the pain from my brain, it would do its best to remind me how much the mind does rely on the body.

» Posted By Ruben On 04.13.2012 @ 8:28 am

Guess it was my time to play the role of patriarch. But I wasn’t ready. I had so much selfish impurity to indulge, and no time to care for the needs of these imbeciles. Why did they pick me for this role? I should have run away when I was 12.

» Posted By Ruben On 04.12.2012 @ 1:03 pm


I wasn’t sure what brought on this metamorphosis, yet I had found myself evaporated only to let fall upon a dastardly stream, where my thoughts rushed through me and to nowhere. But at the end I was expanded, my singular thoughts echoed through the vast eternity of consciousness.

» Posted By Ruben On 04.11.2012 @ 12:02 am

And it was then I discovered how much of a puddle my life had become. I know what you’re thinking: what took you so long? Well it just so happens that alcohol can remain an active influence on your brain, days after you’ve stopped indulging. So it was only a week of sobriety that helped hold my eyelids open to the mess I’d made of myself.

» Posted By Ruben On 04.10.2012 @ 5:20 pm


Im not gonna lie, I saw the word penis before I noticed it was pins. Does this make me a pervert? Or simply another casualty of the hypersexualized identity society has forced upon me? Still, Penis and pins should never be in the same sentence with a verb in between them. Things could get dangerous.

» Posted By Ruben On 04.09.2012 @ 9:53 pm

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