Comments Posted By Belinda Roddie

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lack

Everyone likes to tell me that I’m brave, and frankly, I’m wondering if they’re just talking to the wrong person. I lack courage, kind of like how a desert lacks water, or space lacks oxygen. I just don’t see myself as heroic or bold or daring at all. In truth, I’d rather just hide away from the world, holding in the folds of book pages and pretending that I don’t exist.

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 02.18.2019 @ 9:59 pm

harness

I wanted my self-esteem. I wanted control back. I wanted to harness all my pent-up anxiety like a horse and save it for later, for something more productive and less damaging. I wanted to actually love my job again, but it was so hard when I was picturing scratch marks all along the walls, and angry words directed right between my eyes, like blunt bullets. They wouldn’t leave a hole or puncture, but they could certainly bruise or dent.

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 02.17.2019 @ 8:52 pm

patch

Jerry and Tabitha had been going through a rough patch, after over seventeen years of marriage. Jerry was unhappy at his job, Tabitha couldn’t stand staying at home, and their efforts at having children, for what seemed like ages, had been fruitless (pun intended. Thanks, Bible). So Tabitha had gone to visit her parents, and Jerry, much to my “surprise,” was crashing at my pad, drinking my beers and playing my video games once he got home from another long shift at the grocery store.

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 02.16.2019 @ 11:20 am

artificial

I am the reproductive offspring of artificial intelligence and a sad mother, who cradled a broken robot in her arms at the end of the world, who kissed its head and wept until the tears filled a small room, who whispered all her secrets to a processor that was no longer processing. I don’t walk; I float. I run code, and I am immortal. I have not seen my mother since I emerged from her womb, fully uploaded.

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 02.14.2019 @ 1:57 pm

metro

3:35 PM. I board the metro at Larson Station. Sit myself between two dilapidated benches because then that way, no one can turn me into a people sandwich. I find my last working earbuds and pop them in, and soon, it’s symphonic metal for the next seven stops.

I’m on this train for a long time. Being a commuter blows.

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 02.13.2019 @ 1:57 pm

plates

We ate everything in sight, drank until our chalices were dry. We practically licked our plates clean before Madam Zucker took them away for washing.

When dinner was finished, we sat in the living room, knitted, and recited our prayers. Then, one by one, we went off to bed. Still, while I slept soundly, I learned the next morning that my sister had had uncomfortable dreams.

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 02.12.2019 @ 6:43 pm

ferry

Take the plane from your hometown airport to the Big City and find me on the island with the single tower in the middle of Hope Bay. You’ll have to take a ferry there, or you can kayak, though given the weather and the currents, I wouldn’t recommend it. Once you reach me, we’ll sit cross-legged together until all the lights go out in the buildings in front of me, and we can pretend that it’s night forever.

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 02.10.2019 @ 11:01 pm

hairspray

Day Thirteen: 2:56 AM. Found a spare bottle of hairspray in the downstairs bathroom. I wasn’t aware we had any left. Stuff’s been expired for about three years, but maybe it’ll still work. Mama Schmidt has been super depressed about the lack of volume in her hair, and this just might be the perfect appeasement gift.

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 02.09.2019 @ 10:49 pm

meet

Hello, friend. It’s been too long. Where would you like to meet? Would a cup of coffee suit you, or would you rather get something to eat? It’s a Friday night; the restaurants are packed. Perhaps we’ll grab something small. And we’ll wine and dine where the moonlight hits the perfect angle of your condo’s wall.

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 02.08.2019 @ 11:45 pm

benefits

Tim felt like he couldn’t leave his job because he didn’t want to lose his benefits. But at the same time, his job had impacted him so negatively that he needed to use his health benefits to survive. But if he left his job due to the toxicity of it, he’d lose his health benefits…that he was using because of the toxicity of his job.

Thank God he didn’t drink to cope anymore. He swallowed a mouthful of ginger beer straight from the bottle and grimaced.

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 02.07.2019 @ 7:17 pm

wedding

Sometimes, I wish I could relive my own wedding – all the colors and the music and cheering as I kissed my bride, and we held our hands up triumphantly in the afternoon light, fingers woven together, hearts now intertwined. I’d love to go back to days in which I felt warm, and calm, and safe – when little demons weren’t gnawing at my stomach and heart, and I could keep food down easier, like the amazing catering at the reception.

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 02.05.2019 @ 7:11 pm

helpless

Feeling helpless is akin to drowning: you feel the water rise up to your lips, and when you breathe in, all you taste is salt and seaweed and all the life that somehow flourishes in the deep. But you can’t inhale water. Your lungs fight you, and you’re left to gasp and splutter and kneel on the cement. Everything is cold in your mouth.

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 02.04.2019 @ 9:52 pm

adapted

Michelle Ferris’s popular book was adapted into an Oscar-winning film, which was adapted into a novelization, which was adapted into an HBO mini-series, which was expanded by other authors in sequels and companion novels, which was ultimately criticized for going too far beyond the source material, which was eventually lost in the sands of time, but meanwhile, Michelle Ferris was keeping to herself in her small cottage on the edge of New Mar, writing something entirely new.

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 02.02.2019 @ 9:04 pm

premium

“This was supposed to be premium value.”

“What was?” I asked with a sneer. “The cheap steak, or the even cheaper bubbly?”

“Honestly, cheap bubbly is way better than cheap steak,” remarked Cassius from where he sat in the corner, caressing an empty bottle of what used to be red wine. “Don’t ever go cheap with red meat, man. It’ll f***. You. Up.”

“PREMIUM VALUE!” screamed Martha.

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 01.31.2019 @ 8:56 pm

cinema

To find joy in cinema – to feel laughter press its fingernails deep into your stomach, hurt you but at the same time uplift you – to hold back tears when tragedy strikes. You know, deep down, that it’s all fiction – all part of the great screenwriter and director’s plans. But now you just stare at a screen, and the people talking in front of you are simply silhouettes of loud static.

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 01.29.2019 @ 9:54 pm

photography

Maybe I should have been a starving artist. Maybe I should have tried out theater, or art, or photography. Maybe I should have risked dying young from lack of health insurance and just lived vicariously through cheap fast food, thrift store clothes (not because I’m trying to be cool), and crashing on friends’ couches. Maybe I should have been a creative mooch. Because this other life ain’t cutting it for me.

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 01.28.2019 @ 8:11 pm

servant

I offer my servant a drink. She takes it gladly, sips slowly, savors the tartness of the nectar as it works it way down her throat and into the abyss that is her stomach. She sighs as it settles. Then, I offer her my seat. She takes that gladly, too.

She is beautiful in the sunlight from the window. She lies prone on the divan, feet bare, shoulders also uncovered.

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 01.27.2019 @ 4:54 pm

backdrop

You want the scenery to be pristine. You want it to match the foreground, make it pop, make it stand out in more ways than one could originally perceive. Because of this, you can’t decide on a backdrop. You’ve tried all sorts of colors and patterns – physical, digital – but none of them seem to match the hue of his eyes. Or complement the shape of his jaw. Or pronounce the curl of his lips as he smiles with another secret hiding behind his tongue.

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 01.26.2019 @ 10:03 am

controller

I wanted to play video games with my girlfriend, but all of my games had been either stolen by my drunk cousin or scratched to high heaven, and the controllers wouldn’t work properly because the cords had been bent or snapped or chewed up by my cat Timmy (who I loved dearly, but c’mon, you little furry brat!). She suggested that we go to Burt’s house, as he had the most recent hot console.

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 01.24.2019 @ 9:40 pm

cello

Walter plays the cello, while Zelda plays the flute. The cellist looks best in a floral dress, and the flutist is good in a suit. They perform conciertos together, to filled up houses and halls. And once the applause has finally died down, they celebrate at galas and balls. They drink champagne and smile before going home at first light. And they’ll practice their latest pieces until the dawn mutates into night.

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 01.23.2019 @ 10:09 am

scan

Watch me, son: I’ll show you how it’s done. Retrieve the book, scan it in the machine. Then you get to take it home, but only for a few weeks, and then you have to bring it back.

So read it quickly, my boy – but savor it. Enjoy the adventure on the pages. Once you’re done, we can return it for another tome. See, this is one of the last havens we have in this small, humble town – a chance to be surrounded by books without needing to pay an arm and a leg for them.

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 01.21.2019 @ 4:24 pm

stats

We looked at everything when it came to the championship brackets. We checked the rosters. We checked the stats. We checked both individual performance and team effort. And in the end, we had an idea of who would most likely head to the finals.

“I’m just saying,” I told my buddies over a tankard of ale at Mox’s Tavern, “when you have experience as a dragon slayer, you’re gonna do well in the beast bouts. Especially when you’re a damn good swordsman.”

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 01.19.2019 @ 7:32 pm

rug

Everyone likes to say that I don’t have the courage to confront my problems. I ignore them, they claim with a pointed finger and a standard accusatory tone; I just pretend they’re not there, sweep everything under the rug. Well, why the rug, out of curiosity? I mean, my floors are all hardwood, and the carpeting upstairs can’t have anything swept under it. How about I keep my problems in an old empty vodka bottle instead, like preserving dying insects, and I enjoy watching their exoskeletons slowly decay in the sunlight from my kitchen’s bay window?

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 01.18.2019 @ 11:55 pm

quick

“Hey, man. I got the pizza.”

I look up from my newspaper. “Wow,” I intone. “That was quick. Slow day at the Big Pepperoni?”

“Nah,” replies Marcia with a grin. “I went to Slice Of Life instead. Their pizza’s cheaper, but also way better. Dig in!”

Skeptical, I stand up and retrieve some cheese goodness from the box. Already, the dairy actually looks real; good start.

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 01.17.2019 @ 3:32 pm

swaying

I find her swaying, upright, in the dining room, with all the light on, all the candles lit, and all the windows open – which sweeps in the rain like wet, translucent confetti, making itself at home in our tiny domain. I approach her; she’s asleep. Of course. This is not the first time I’ve seen her in this state. And when I touch her, she moans. She is, at first, incoherent. I do not understand her.

“Um…pardon, love?”

Then she becomes insistent; frustrated, even. “I am STEEPING the f***ing TEA!”

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 01.15.2019 @ 4:13 pm

classical

I’m sitting in my room, a headache coming due to frustration alone, listening to pseudo-classical music that leaves no real impact on anyone’s memories. I wish I had the option of walking away, but as of now, I must be calculating and careful. God, to have the luxury of recoil! To be able to step back without leaving cracks on the sidewalk!

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 01.13.2019 @ 10:45 pm

muddy

I finish my hike with you with a smile, a bark-scratched jacket, torn jeans and muddy shoes. After I wash the leaves out of my hair with shampoo, I nestle my tired body down on the couch with you. My bones realign eventually, and I brew enough tea to put both you and me to sleep. The aphrodisiac comes when Mother Nature’s kiss is hard to beat, but I’ll take it – it’s perfect for me.

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 01.12.2019 @ 7:55 pm

transformed

You see, this fairy tale does not end with, “Happily ever after.” The prince transformed remains a beast, and the damsel remains permanently asleep. Still, she dreams, though not of pretty things; she sees twisted horses with horns and creepy merry-go-rounds. She smells grease and mangy wet wolf’s hair and burning sulfur. And she heard, most defined of all, screams.

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 01.11.2019 @ 12:07 pm

qualify

Rex worked his ass off to get to the finals, but he didn’t even qualify for the semis. And as he threw his temper tantrum in the locker room later, I knew that there was no way I could comfort him. Rex had always been fast, but his stamina had always been garbage. He could sprint, but he couldn’t keep the pace. He’d be left in the dust a mere one minute or so into the race, and he just couldn’t handle knowing just how much more he had to work on.

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 01.10.2019 @ 10:52 am

overtime

Jerome worked overtime for the third day in a row, and when he walked back to his apartment, he found, to both his horror and resignation, that he had been robbed. His TV had been stolen, his desktop computer swiped. The remains of his clothes were strewn across the worn down carpet of his bedroom. In fact, the only thing the robbers didn’t seem to grab was his cat, Lily, who had hidden under the bed in fear as they did their work.

» Posted By Belinda Roddie On 01.09.2019 @ 12:54 pm

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