Comments Posted By Beatrice

Displaying 31 To 38 Of 38 Comments

deny

Oh my deny. That is a word that takes in a lot of memories and actions today. I deny that I have a problem with drinking, but the first thing I think about is when I can go buy a beer when my daughter is not watching. I am so old I do not have a desire for sex, not, I deny my desire and still look at dudes in the same way I did 40 years ago. Deny, who me? Are you nuts, I am just too fucking old to pretend I want things anymore. Oh, is that big lie or what. Okay, I deny my true feelings, I deny I have any feelings most of the time. Then I deny the truth about the fact that I deny anything. Oh fuck. I deny being alive and old and wanting things I can no longer have. Yah I want them but it is easier on other people if I deny that I do. Oh, let me go to bed now and sleep, maybe, that denial at least does not effect anyone else in my life.

» Posted By Beatrice On 11.28.2008 @ 8:35 pm

wanted

the way that we all want to feel. It is a state of desire with a hint of lust. To be wanted is a secure feeling it is what I want to be.

» Posted By Beatrice On 09.08.2009 @ 7:35 pm

broken

Hearts, promises, tv’s, computers, cars. I used to say “I am bent, but not broke”. That was before I became ill. Now I am broke but my spirit is not broken. Makes it hard though when other things get broken, no money to get them fixed, ya know? I fell in love when I was 23, he broke my heart, and disappeared. I found him again, 40 years later, this time he repaired my broken heart, only to leave me for a new existence on another plane. He is an angel now, I guess, for all his faults and shortcomings. He finally told me that he loved me. I love him still, and when he died, my heart broke again but not for the same reasons I had when I was 23. So here I am, talking to strangers about being broken. Nope, I am sad at the loss of him, but his love did make me whole again, and I know it won’t take another 40 years till we are together once again.

» Posted By Beatrice On 12.21.2008 @ 9:48 am

held

Sixteen years. That is a long time to have a companion. Though sometimes I was certainly ready to just throw her out the door. Her eyes were the color of grapefruit juice at times, clear and kind of yellowy green. Tonight I held her in my arms and her eyes were cloudy. She had not eaten for days, and I was force-feeding water with an eye dropper. Ah, my little furry friend, I will miss you so. We had a good life together. Oh yes, I do believe that cats go to heaven. Now, I can only hold you in my memories. Farewell, see you when I get there.

» Posted By Beatrice On 11.21.2008 @ 8:33 am

pit

so i love matt so much. it hurts sometimes. and im scared alot. because.. well. he dissapears. often actually. and he never tells me where to. and he always comes back with these scratches and wounds all over him.
and he has a gun. and a knife.
why the fuck did i pick the sketchiest guy i know to like.
awesome.
woah. the time is over but im still writting. i thought itd cut me off.

» Posted By beatrice On 08.30.2009 @ 2:10 am

blackout

dark unthinkable society urban city nighlife brown out babies lots of people getting together who wouldn’t otherwise darkness red shoe with lots of white on the sidewalk after midnight it is the end of the beginning but never again will i blackout and die because i am here to stay.

» Posted By beatrice On 04.05.2009 @ 1:22 pm

suspend

I have a serious illness, as a matter of fact it is incurable. But, I refuse to suspend my life in anticipation of my death. What I have suspended is worrying about it. Inevitable for all of us living is that end. I have learned to be grateful for each day I wake up, to learn new things, to meet new people. I could be more happy, but I am still here alive enough to talk to you about it.

» Posted By Beatrice On 11.20.2008 @ 10:00 am

pardon

Pardon me, is that your dog that’s running over there? It looks as if he’s about to jump into the pond. Now let me tell you, that pond is certainly not clean. What with all those fish and duck swimming around in there. Can you imagine the droppings in there? Oh dear Lord! You need to get that dog immedietely!

Pardon me, that’s your dog running into the pond there.

» Posted By Beatrice On 01.01.1970 @ 12:00 am

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